input needed little stuff
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: michigan
Posts: 296
input needed little stuff
This is little stuff but it comes from being married to an A. I have a hard time making decisions and I have a hard time discussing things with my kids and I don't want to overburden my few friends with this.
My first issue is my ex husband's niece is getting married next Friday and all three of my kids are in the wedding. She has text me and facebook message me about me going at the time I said was going. However it is 3 hours away and I would be going by myself and I just don't want anything to do with that family at this time. I have a lot of resentment toward them on the way they enabled my ex and after years of backing his exclusion of me at family events, I have developed an attitude. I go back and forth and I need to make a decision this weekend so I can rent a car (with air) to drive over there. Any input on this please.
The second thing is my daughter is renting an apartment this year for her schooling. Due to the nature of her classes no one was willing to hire her for the summer(she was leaving for 3 week for a class on beaver island she paid for it out of her checking account) and leaving for myrtle beach(10 days) in about 3 week for vacation with the aunt. Ok she told me if she got a job she was not going to myrtle beach.(no job) Her cousin texted her the other day and let her know the cost of her up do for the wedding and she was not happy with that because her rent is due on the 14th and she don't know how to pay for it. I directed her to the bank that the aunt set up for her(I was not told anything about it at the time so I pretty much know nothing about that) and told her to find out the balance and call financial aid about getting money for rent. She made the comment that she got about $1000 less for this coming year then she did last year.
Ok my problem with this is I told both kids that were in college to look at their fasfa (?) and see where they could get the most money from -their dad or mom. dad = 50-60 thousand a year and mom about 25 thousand a year. The ex decided to claim them and they lost out on grants for college because he did that. (he did that on purpose to make sure I don't get any refund back from claiming the kids.) So how do I tell her she should probably redo her fasfa(?) and either say she is an independent student or use my income. I am leaning toward staying out of it and let her learn on her own.
input please
Cricket
My first issue is my ex husband's niece is getting married next Friday and all three of my kids are in the wedding. She has text me and facebook message me about me going at the time I said was going. However it is 3 hours away and I would be going by myself and I just don't want anything to do with that family at this time. I have a lot of resentment toward them on the way they enabled my ex and after years of backing his exclusion of me at family events, I have developed an attitude. I go back and forth and I need to make a decision this weekend so I can rent a car (with air) to drive over there. Any input on this please.
The second thing is my daughter is renting an apartment this year for her schooling. Due to the nature of her classes no one was willing to hire her for the summer(she was leaving for 3 week for a class on beaver island she paid for it out of her checking account) and leaving for myrtle beach(10 days) in about 3 week for vacation with the aunt. Ok she told me if she got a job she was not going to myrtle beach.(no job) Her cousin texted her the other day and let her know the cost of her up do for the wedding and she was not happy with that because her rent is due on the 14th and she don't know how to pay for it. I directed her to the bank that the aunt set up for her(I was not told anything about it at the time so I pretty much know nothing about that) and told her to find out the balance and call financial aid about getting money for rent. She made the comment that she got about $1000 less for this coming year then she did last year.
Ok my problem with this is I told both kids that were in college to look at their fasfa (?) and see where they could get the most money from -their dad or mom. dad = 50-60 thousand a year and mom about 25 thousand a year. The ex decided to claim them and they lost out on grants for college because he did that. (he did that on purpose to make sure I don't get any refund back from claiming the kids.) So how do I tell her she should probably redo her fasfa(?) and either say she is an independent student or use my income. I am leaning toward staying out of it and let her learn on her own.
input please
Cricket
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
not sure what the second part question really IS.
but for the first part, it's an event you don't really care to attend, that is three hours away AND you'd need to rent a car to make the trip......right? i'd say don't go....you don't need to drag your resentments to what is supposed to be someone's happiest day. that didn't come out quite right.....but my answer is still stay home, save your $$.
i'm totally lost on the second part between the summer trips, the updo, rent and FAFSA. did your daughter ASK YOU for help or advice?
but for the first part, it's an event you don't really care to attend, that is three hours away AND you'd need to rent a car to make the trip......right? i'd say don't go....you don't need to drag your resentments to what is supposed to be someone's happiest day. that didn't come out quite right.....but my answer is still stay home, save your $$.
i'm totally lost on the second part between the summer trips, the updo, rent and FAFSA. did your daughter ASK YOU for help or advice?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
I have learned that if it's something that I don't want to do, I just say that I can't make it -- no thank you. The more I use it, the more I like using it.
Better to give a resentment than to receive one.
Mountainman
Better to give a resentment than to receive one.
Mountainman
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: michigan
Posts: 296
AnvilheadII
My issue with the daughter is do I explain that her dad messed her up by claiming her and her using his income on fafsa where she has to now get loans etc to pay for this apartment. (the rent is not much) She is stressing about how to pay for all of this stuff and I don't know what to tell her.(wedding updo, apt rent, gas money etc)
My issue with the daughter is do I explain that her dad messed her up by claiming her and her using his income on fafsa where she has to now get loans etc to pay for this apartment. (the rent is not much) She is stressing about how to pay for all of this stuff and I don't know what to tell her.(wedding updo, apt rent, gas money etc)
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
cricket, my opinion, you don't say or explain anything. Wedding, if you don't really want to go, or if it will cost too much, or you will feel uncomfortable, then don't go.
FAFSA, there is enough information on websites about this. I don't feel too bad for your kids. If I remember correctly, they were against you getting child support for them.
Correct me if I'm wrong.
amy
FAFSA, there is enough information on websites about this. I don't feel too bad for your kids. If I remember correctly, they were against you getting child support for them.
Correct me if I'm wrong.
amy
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: michigan
Posts: 296
My son was against me, dd1 won't have anything to do with me dd2 is the one with money trouble and she for the most part has remained neutral. She is the one I might help out more than the others but at this time I don't have extra $ to help her out
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
My issue with the daughter is do I explain that her dad messed her up by claiming her and her using his income on fafsa where she has to now get loans etc to pay for this apartment.
no, because none of that is USEFUL to the CURRENT situation. when somebody is in the hole, they want advice on how to get OUT, not someone coming with a tape measure telling them just how deep they are.
SHE has to learn priorities. if she can't afford the UPDO, then she learns to do a quick french twist and slap in a couple bobby pins. if she can't afford rent, she can't afford cabo or other luxuries. it's pretty simple math....don't make this about what an ass your ex/her father is...........
no, because none of that is USEFUL to the CURRENT situation. when somebody is in the hole, they want advice on how to get OUT, not someone coming with a tape measure telling them just how deep they are.
SHE has to learn priorities. if she can't afford the UPDO, then she learns to do a quick french twist and slap in a couple bobby pins. if she can't afford rent, she can't afford cabo or other luxuries. it's pretty simple math....don't make this about what an ass your ex/her father is...........
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
cricket...remind me of the age of your children in the wedding.
I would say I completely agree with what Anvil has just said above. If she really wanted a job, she would not have taken the trip. No job equals expenses she cannot afford. If you cannot afford them, be honest and tell her so. I have had to tell my kids a lot this summer that I just cannot afford. I think they respect me for being honest, and they are much more resourceful than I thought they could be. My DD1 who is 16 went and worked extra hours and got another little side job for a few weeks for extra money. DD2 who is 10 has been doing things for her grandma for money, completely set up by her.
I know there is an age difference, but it's still the same concept. You must pay your obligations first, and anything else is extra.
I would say I completely agree with what Anvil has just said above. If she really wanted a job, she would not have taken the trip. No job equals expenses she cannot afford. If you cannot afford them, be honest and tell her so. I have had to tell my kids a lot this summer that I just cannot afford. I think they respect me for being honest, and they are much more resourceful than I thought they could be. My DD1 who is 16 went and worked extra hours and got another little side job for a few weeks for extra money. DD2 who is 10 has been doing things for her grandma for money, completely set up by her.
I know there is an age difference, but it's still the same concept. You must pay your obligations first, and anything else is extra.
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