The opportunity presented itself
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: OKC OK
Posts: 414
The opportunity presented itself
So I know I was supposed to wait until after I went to a few al anon meetings but the opportunity presented itself to discuss husband going to AA.
He got hit with a crippling migraine and for some inane reason thought drinking vodka on top of that was a good idea.
Ended up in the ER where they gave him fluids and meds and sitting at home today this was our conversation:
Him "I can't keep doing this"
Me "Doing what?"
Him "Drinking"
Me "Ah, well there are a lot of treatment options if you want to get help"
Him "can I get help without checking in somewhere"
Me "you can go to AA, get a sponsor-if you're ready"
Him "yea, okay I'll try AA"
He looked up meetings because he asked me what district we were in...
I'm surprised that I'm not more excited. Maybe it's because he said before (100 times) he's going to stop drinking and it never sticks.
Now we wait to see if he'll actually do it.
He got hit with a crippling migraine and for some inane reason thought drinking vodka on top of that was a good idea.
Ended up in the ER where they gave him fluids and meds and sitting at home today this was our conversation:
Him "I can't keep doing this"
Me "Doing what?"
Him "Drinking"
Me "Ah, well there are a lot of treatment options if you want to get help"
Him "can I get help without checking in somewhere"
Me "you can go to AA, get a sponsor-if you're ready"
Him "yea, okay I'll try AA"
He looked up meetings because he asked me what district we were in...
I'm surprised that I'm not more excited. Maybe it's because he said before (100 times) he's going to stop drinking and it never sticks.
Now we wait to see if he'll actually do it.
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
Well, it's certainly a better sign than someone saying "hell no, I won't go to AA."
I think you are wise to avoid getting too excited. My STBXAH said stuff like this all. the. time. And I truly believe that he meant it AT THE TIME HE SAID IT. Unfortunately, his disease has too strong of a hold on him and he is unable and unwilling to cling to that feeling beyond the immediate aftermath of physical misery from drinking or the immediate fallout of a particularly terrible confrontation with someone. He meant it at the time he said it, but his actions made it crystal clear that he was, for whatever reason, not capable of carrying his momentary feelings into permanent, lasting change.
I think you are wise to avoid getting too excited. My STBXAH said stuff like this all. the. time. And I truly believe that he meant it AT THE TIME HE SAID IT. Unfortunately, his disease has too strong of a hold on him and he is unable and unwilling to cling to that feeling beyond the immediate aftermath of physical misery from drinking or the immediate fallout of a particularly terrible confrontation with someone. He meant it at the time he said it, but his actions made it crystal clear that he was, for whatever reason, not capable of carrying his momentary feelings into permanent, lasting change.
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 138
ha ha atta girl. 
happy for you. sometimes, life just pitches in.
However, your forebodings are reasonable.
Have you read this? Modern minds I think have come up with more modern advice, but it is all i am familiar with regarding your issues, and probably sort of kick started alanon back in the day. Haven't read all your posts, but saw your sound trepidation and caution yesterday...good head and heart on you.
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigbook_chapt8.pdf
happy for you. sometimes, life just pitches in. However, your forebodings are reasonable.
Have you read this? Modern minds I think have come up with more modern advice, but it is all i am familiar with regarding your issues, and probably sort of kick started alanon back in the day. Haven't read all your posts, but saw your sound trepidation and caution yesterday...good head and heart on you.
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigbook_chapt8.pdf
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 166
My AH has been in AA for 6 years, very active in it (secretary and treasurer in various groups), a great sponsor with 30+ years sobriety, and he still relapsed and is currently relapsing. I still hope that he will get back on the wagon for his own sake and I'm sure the years in AA and the tools there are not lost, but it takes so much more than just AA to make that real commitment. I hope your H finds sobriety and that it will finally stick. And most of all I hope you keep yourself healthy and sane throughout this. Wishing you and you H the best.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Central O-H-I-O
Posts: 1,689
I've heard so many promises over the years to change, to act, to do something. I don't believe a word that comes out of her mouth anymore, especially if it relates to something that takes effort.
Actions are what matter, the words are useless.
Actions are what matter, the words are useless.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: OKC OK
Posts: 414
I told him I was going to al anon
He seemed shocked and I said he obviously doesn't realize the impact HIS problem has on me, our boys, our life. I told him I need help too. He seemed saddened by that. He called and made an appointment with a therapist-for this coming Monday. I'm grateful for that cancellation. He was a combat medic he deals with the oh so fun PTSD. Maybe he'll find success attacking on multiple fronts.
These small discussions have been sporadic for the last few hours...he's clearly thinking about it...I just can't tell if he's trying to figure out what he should say to appease me or if he's really mulling it over and feels bad.
These small discussions have been sporadic for the last few hours...he's clearly thinking about it...I just can't tell if he's trying to figure out what he should say to appease me or if he's really mulling it over and feels bad.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
It's great that he said it, now we will just hope he means it. I am very glad he is also seeking counseling. As many tools as possible in the toolbox!
I agree to not get too excited, time always tells. However, this is positive news.
Hugs to you.
I agree to not get too excited, time always tells. However, this is positive news.
Hugs to you.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Central O-H-I-O
Posts: 1,689
Well now, Anvil, that is certainly codie-averse stuff you're writing!!
You mean we are NOT supposed to hover and push, and cajole, and lean into, and nudge??
(Not making light of the situation, just trying to lighten the afternoon).
You mean we are NOT supposed to hover and push, and cajole, and lean into, and nudge??
(Not making light of the situation, just trying to lighten the afternoon).
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