Just a Blah Day
 

Not really much to this post except I'm having a blah kind of day.

AW is having issues at work - her boss is being an A** to her ever since their 'breakup' of the emotional affair that for him he wanted more than just emotions, then his wife found out and has him by his gonads, and then my AW says, "I'm not involved in any way!". Except she was involved, she never told the guy to back off/down, and now it's all blowing up and (again), she feels like the victim. She loved the attention and the 200+ texts per day and him telling her how hot she is, etc. Never once did she put the brakes on, but then is surprised when he tells her he has feelings for her? Umm, yeah, I told her that. Another case of her not taking accountability for her actions, and blaming someone else. I'm tired of hearing the boo-hoo story every night.

And, there is her not holding up her responsibilities at home. So many times I hear "Well, I'm going to start doing 'X'. " It never happens. She used to be a neat freak - not any more. She used to remember everything that needed done - not any more. She used to be a real go-getter, and positive - not any more. I just can't trust that things will be taken care of if I happen to forget, and that's not a partnership - that's one person being lazy, and one person being the chicken! I like to eat chicken, I'd rather not BE a chicken.

I'm tired of the mood swings, and the wondering 'what' personality will walk thru the door at night - but I should just expect a mopey, moody, crabby person who just wants to go for the wine bottle, because that's pretty much the norm.

See, a relatively useless post, but I just wanted to get it out there - or at least out of my head. I usually try to fake my way thru these down moods and convince myself it's not too bad, but it wasn't working too well today.

Oh, and the business trip that I was so looking forward to her going on at the end of this month may not happen now - because she doesn't want to go. I so was looking forward to 5 nights of peace in the COD household with DS.

Thanks for reading.

COD

Do you think the "blah kind of day" is because the thing you had to look forward to, her going out of town, has now been taken away from you?

Do you enjoy camping? What about a father/son camping trip? Or some other male bonding trip, that simply doesn't include AW. You'd be in control of the plans. You and DS could look forward to and be planning something together.

I have 2 daughters, and several years ago, we began making all-girls trips. It gives me something to look forward to, and the 3 of us have such a blast together.

what if you guys weren't living together..........................?

Sorry to read your break from AW may not happen.

Why not make peace happen all the time instead?

Sounds like a pretty low return on a lot of aggravation and worry.

I'm sorry things haven't improved--

Blah.....
I like gettingstronger's idea to take a trip away from her to get that peace you were looking forward to, if that's an option for you and DS.

You sound like you're really ready to take action.

And by the way, you're not a chicken... You're in a really difficult situation.

Hugs to you CO Dad

I think the blah just came from things building up - not one big thing, but just little things. I've known for a couple of days that the trip might not happen.

Anvilhead - if we weren't living together (meaning AW and me, not you and me! :-) ) I think there wouldn't be so much 'blah'.

And camping is not for me, but I appreciate the suggestion. Wife doesn't like it when DS and I go off and do something by ourselves - everything has to bee done all-together, which annoys me. Very few instances of me and DS doing something, unless she's working late or something. Even then I get a bunch of pouting faces because she missed out on something. King-baby syndrome I guess.

you kinda side stepped my question.....maybe i'll try it this way...

WHY are you still living with her?

and just to be clear, this isn't some hidden agenda on my part so i can move in!!! LOL

Anvilhead -I don't think Hank would be too happy with either of us if that happened!

I will say that I'm working toward it, but not yet ready to take that next step. I've moved forward a bunch emotionally and psychologically these last couple of months, but not quite to the point of pulling the trigger on the 'next big step'. I'm calmer, I understand me more; I understand her as an alkie more - so that is progress.

I'm sure I'll get there, I know I NEED to get there. Just right now doesn't seem right for me and God.

Hope that helped.

Why do you care about the King Baby pouting crap?

If you want to take your son camping or whatever without her do it.

Tough sneakers. Figure out what you want to do and then go do it...she's going to be whining anyway, you might as well enjoy some time with your son.

As for listening to her whine about her breakup that wasn't really a breakup of her affair that wasn't really an affair...sweetie, you don't HAVE TO listen to it. You can tell her you've heard enough. You can leave the room. You can put on earphones and listen to music. You have options.

Unless it says "Welcome" on your front side, you don't have to live in constant appeasement of her whims. It's easy for us pleaser type to take the path of least resistance, especially when a child is involved, but here's the thing...your son is learning that in order to have a relationship, he has to put up with everything and anything. He will grow up and do the same, and I know...I learned it all at home, too.

Sending you strength.

She sounds like SUCH a drag... just exhausting to be around a person like this. I agree with the others that maybe it's time to tell her TOUGH... you're going to start living your life the way you want. She's going to be all Pity Pouty Whiner-Butt about anything anyway -- and TELL her that! And as for her not doing things around the house anymore, if I were you, I'd just live like she's not even there knowing you'll be responsible for X, Y and Z and you taking care of everything yourself. After long, you'll be like "what do I even need her around for anymore?" Many here who've split with their spouse but were afraid of all the "extra" they'd have to do actually found they had much LESS to do... because they were taking care of everything anyway without having to clean up their A spouse's messes.

Good grief.

Pick a place to take DS...and take him. Tell her you need father/son bonding time. If she doesn't like it, what's the worst that can happen? She gets mad and pouty. Waah. She is already mad and pouty.

I really think you should make that happen friend.

COD, if you don't like camping, how about an indoor water park? Are you near Kalahari? My grands loved it there. All the comforts of a hotel room, no bugs and and tons of exercise. Or even Cedar Point? Get a room, spend one day in the park and another in the water park. Hope you find something fun!

My AH did the pouty and huffy thing too. Tedious, isn't it?

He stopped when I took no notice, took a while but once he realised he got no reaction from me, he stopped. They only do what works.

It all about 'waaaaaaaaaaah, look at me'. Like a two year old having a tantrum.

Let's flip the characters in this story, and see how it looks. Suppose you were the female, and your wife is the man of the family. He comes home and drinks because the secretary at the office doesn't want to hook up in the restroom at work any more. He just doesn't do it for her any more.

Most of the women I know would bash his skull in with a frying pan, alcoholic or not. By the way, I am NOT suggesting that you injure your wife.

If I were you, Dad, I would be asking myself what I am getting out of this relationship that keeps me there. You are getting something, Dad, or you would have bailed already. :a043:

This wasn't a useless post, none of them are from any of us here. You got it off your chest and that's a good thing!!
Definitely baby steps. Whatever direction you are going, baby steps are just fine. I took a million of those baby steps to get to the peace I enjoy today. You will get there, wherever there is for you...Hugs, you're doing good! Now, go do something with your DS away from the perpetual victim/drunk and ENJOY it! You are allowed to enjoy life.

COD
It's quite sad that you have to listen to her complain about the relationship gone bad at work. I'm not sure I would want to hear about how upset she is that another mans affection has waned.

Why are you her confidant on an affair - ? Are you in an open relationship?

COD - I'm glad you posted this. I'm sorry you are struggling. It's so real to see what happens when active relationships continue among the behaviors that brought us here to begin with. I understand why you stay, it's hard and complicated and not as easy as just walking away from it all. You are obviously a very talented guy and smart too and you understand a lot more about your life than anyone around you. I know that you will be ok and make the right choices for what you want to do, from what I have seen.

Sorry to hear it has been tough today. I know all too well how the brain feels in these situations and I hate seeing it's affecting you. You have some great support here and people much wiser than I - Good advice, stay focused, be well, and post everything you can here so we can talk and also see where you are.

I think it is a wonderful accomplishment you have to have been here at this forum so long and continue to share the way that you do. Thank you.