Elyse16

I screwed up bad tonight and now I hate myself. My no contact rule went right out the window tonight. He texted me tonight. I've been getting harassing anonymous fb messages from someone and I confided in xabf's SIL about it. She has been on my side from the beginning and I thought she was my friend. He texted me tonight that I should contact the police about the messages and that he knows who it is. I know who it is too. His bartender friends. I shouldn't have responded but I texted back its not your concern. Then he thanked me sarcastically for telling SIL some things about him. And I sarcastically texted back I'm sorry you've done nothing but lie to me for two years. Then he called. And I stupidly answered. He goes I have to ask you something. Fine, what? He said he talked to his mom (who is notorious for being a compulsive liar and hates me) last night and she said one thanksgiving when she visited, I called her a bitch. I NEVER said anything like that or would I! Ever! We liked each other back then. Well, I liked her. He defended me and said I would never say that and she got mad at him and said are you saying you don't believe me? He said he had to hear the words from me but that he knew I didn't say it. Then he went on to tell me that he knew our relationship was over on Mother's Day when he took his 17-year-old son to visit his mom's grave for the first time and they both were crying. We were arguing by text. I had no idea he was at the cemetery until he sent me a pic of his son sitting by the grave. He texted I have more important things going on right now! I didn't know they were there! He said I should have said we should talk later but that I didn't respect their day and Bc I didn't, he felt I had no compassion. I wouldn't have been arguing with him if I knew he was there! Why is that my fault! The relationship is over Bc of that? But he let it go on for another month until I walked away? And told me how important I am in his life and how much he needs me after that? Then he said we didn't have sex the last two times we saw each other and that made him realize it was really over. First of all, the first visit, he was having uncontrolled hiccups for 12+ hours and such bad withdrawal that I misinterpreted as a heart attack. Bc I didn't know he was drinking! Why would I try and have sex with him when I'm pleading for him to go to the ER? the second time, he had withdrawal again and said he wasn't feeling good and didn't want to leave his bedroom. So again, that's an appropriate time to try and initiate sex? Why did I answer? Why? I was doing so good. Now I'm mad at him, his SIL, and his mom. When he asked me how I could be so cold on Mother's Day, I told him you know what, this breakup is all my fault. I'm the most horrible person. You and your family can keep blaming me Bc I don't care anymore. And I hung up on him. Then I texted him that I hated him and to not ever contact me again. In which he texted back 'I'll call you tomorrow.'

I'm so disappointed in me for answering that phone call. And I'm so angry that I don't know if I can control myself to not answer when he calls tomorrow.

How dare he blame me for this breakup. How dare his family make up lies about me. I want to punch something so bad.

Elyse

Ariesagain

He'll dump anything on your side of the fence that he can because he can avoid looking at his side that way.

Okay, so you got hooked back in and your AXBF took you back to high school for a while (he said you said I said when I never did...sooo high school, yes?)

But that doesn't mean you can't graduate. Block him, unfriend him, all that social media stuff. As long as you will respond to his poking at you, he's going to keep doing it. Try to quit thinking about the content if your argument...arguing with him is a waste of air. You'll never change his mind or get an apology, so why bother?

No new contact, no new hurt.

Sending you a hug.

LexieCat

You are looking for logic where there is none to be found. Consider the source--an addicted, diseased mind.

Now you know WHY no contact is a good idea.

It doesn't matter what he says/thinks, what his mom says/thinks, what his friends say/think. They are no longer part of your life. It's not your job to set them straight or change their thinking.

And yeah, spending some time AWAY from FB (or adjusting your security settings) would be a very good idea.

redatlanta

I second Lexie ^^ it doesn't matter. He said she said is a no win. What have you got to prove? You will never prove anything to him he has written his own story.

As for mother's day and all of that please just let it go. You can't go backwards, you can only move forwards.

Additionally, I am disturbed that you wrote to him not to contact you and his response was "Call you tomorrow". Button pushing. Seems to feel he can MAKE you do what he wants. I hope you will sever all ties and REALLY go no contact.

maia1234

E,
You are back on the roller coaster. Look at how calm you were with no contact. You are try to rationalize with crazy, its just not going to happen . Why are you expecting him to understand? He still holds that power over you, even by saying he will talk to you tomorrow.

Please take your power back!! Block his number on your phone. He will continue taunting you forever if you allow him. You are in the drivers seat, you can stop it now or let it fester. He told you he will call, and you , like an addict want your fix, he is your drug of choice.

You will never move forward in your life if you don't cut ties with him, now.

You can do this my friend!!

Seren

Well, I am sorry you decided to pick up that rope again. He got what he wanted...for you to feel bad about yourself.

It does take a few tries, sometimes, to learn not to engage in an unwinnable argument with an illogical, active alcoholic. It's a lot like standing in front of your refrigerator arguing over the color with someone who keeps telling you it's purple when you can clearly see that it is white. No win. Please know you are not a bad person regardless of what that family of dysfunction have to say.

If he calls, perhaps do not pick up the phone. The saying we like to use around here is "No Contact = No New Hurts".

Please take good care!

dandylion

ElYSE.....they will say anything or blame you for anything that they can think of....to get back at you....
They will make up any story in their own mind in order to put the spotlight onto you,,,thus, keeping it off themselves and the real issue...his alcoholism....
(I wonder if his mother drinks, also)....

Also, not in every case, but, almost always...blood is thicker than water...

I understand what the white-hot anger that you are feeling, feels like.....at their wiliness to distort and to deliberately try to hurt..it feels so unjust.....
I have felt the same way in trying to deal with a drunk--or their drunk surrogates...
I have picked up the phone when I KNEW that I shouldn't have....and kicked myself, later!!

It serves to teach us that they haven't changed, and how effed up they are at relationships,

I have fo und that the anger dies down in about 24- 48hrs.......fro m a rapid boil..down to a slow simmer......

they get a reward when we respond.....He wants to call you again so he can push your buttons/and or continue to manipulate you.....

I suggest thay you do everything that you can think of to distract yourself.....

dandylion

Elyse16

Thank you everyone. I really needed to hear some support today. I stayed up till 4 am in a fury. He didn't call but he started texting at 8 am saying he wanted to close the door and he couldn't do it if he didn't know why I was confiding in his SIL and why I told her certain things. He said he takes the blame for our breakup and he hasn't slowed his drinking and he doesn't know what's going to happen to him. He said he has someone else drive his son Bc he knows he's not safe in a car with him. He also said the last 8 years meant everything to him. This was all in one big text this morning. I was calmer this morning and simply texted. I owe you nothing. The door is closed and locked. Go away. Leave me be. Don't contact me again. He sent a lot more after that and finally stopped when I didn't answer. He did say he unblocked me on fb but I still have him blocked on my side.

Back to square one. I know I have to block the phone and then it will be done. I know I can do this.

I felt so angry that I felt extreme hatred toward him last night. He even called me 'baby' like he always had and it made me sick. This morning I feel more peaceful and am questioning if I even love him today. Perhaps I always will. The person on the other side of the phone was no one I knew. Deeper down the hole he goes but I refuse to go with him. Time to block.

Thank you all,

Elyse

Ariesagain

Yowza. A steaming pile that high should at least come with a shovel and a free pony.

Block him, turn your face to the sun, and walk on. Better things await.

Bekindalways

Hope you did block him Elyse. Make this day 1 and start stringing no-contact days together.

Each day is a day closer to complete healing. If you cave and respond to him again, come here, post and start again. Don't give up. You can do this.

Sigh I get it. I almost googled my qualifier this morning.

breath

Looking back isn't going to help you. Moving forward is the thing you have to do.

AnvilheadII

you're going to have to block the whole lot of them......you have now told him at least twice that i read in this post for HIM not to contact YOU again. but then he does, and you reply.

NO contact goes for you too. none, zip, nada. don't give his words any more weight or meaning, it's all crap in the past. block THEM ALL by every means possible. for your own sanity.