OT: So....any ideas?
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Join Date: Dec 2008
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OT: So....any ideas?
Embarrassed as I am to discuss this here, I do hope 'the collective' might have some brilliant ideas. And since there may be others here in my situation, perhaps it will help someone else, too.
My husband died last October, and I live alone. I will need to have a minor, outpatient surgical procedure sometime in the coming year. Nothing drastic, but it will require general anesthesia.
I have no one to drive me to and from the hospital. I have no one to make sure I am OK for the rest of the day once I am home again.
My stepdaughter and son-in-law both work and have small children. My sister lives on the opposite side of the country. My parents live a two-day drive from here and are elderly. I don't really have friends in my city that I know well enough to ask them to help me. I'm not sure I can afford a nurse for even one day...plus I would feel really uncomfortable having a stranger in my home when I am feeling vulnerable.
Maybe I have overlooked some other option or idea, I don't know. I'm just feeling really stuck, I miss my husband so much, and I'm scared...a lot.
If anyone has any ideas, I would really appreciate hearing them!
My husband died last October, and I live alone. I will need to have a minor, outpatient surgical procedure sometime in the coming year. Nothing drastic, but it will require general anesthesia.
I have no one to drive me to and from the hospital. I have no one to make sure I am OK for the rest of the day once I am home again.
My stepdaughter and son-in-law both work and have small children. My sister lives on the opposite side of the country. My parents live a two-day drive from here and are elderly. I don't really have friends in my city that I know well enough to ask them to help me. I'm not sure I can afford a nurse for even one day...plus I would feel really uncomfortable having a stranger in my home when I am feeling vulnerable.
Maybe I have overlooked some other option or idea, I don't know. I'm just feeling really stuck, I miss my husband so much, and I'm scared...a lot.
If anyone has any ideas, I would really appreciate hearing them!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
I have lived alone all of my adult life and don't have any family left. I'm aging and my friends have all moved or drifted away - so I have a lot of your same worries.
In my area there are senior service (I don't know if you are a senior or not, but they help everyone in the community) and they have shuttles for medical appointments. If you're not a senior, they can still make recommendations - this is really common! I've also had help from my local hospital. Can you call the facility where you are going to have your procedure and tell them this? It is really common, especially as we age. There are social services in hospitals and even pay services for medical procedure transportation if you can afford it. If you can't afford it, there is charitable assistance in my area.
I get it, I have the same issues. There is help and hope. You can also call your local churches, they often have people who do this as part of a ministry.
It will all work out!
In my area there are senior service (I don't know if you are a senior or not, but they help everyone in the community) and they have shuttles for medical appointments. If you're not a senior, they can still make recommendations - this is really common! I've also had help from my local hospital. Can you call the facility where you are going to have your procedure and tell them this? It is really common, especially as we age. There are social services in hospitals and even pay services for medical procedure transportation if you can afford it. If you can't afford it, there is charitable assistance in my area.
I get it, I have the same issues. There is help and hope. You can also call your local churches, they often have people who do this as part of a ministry.
It will all work out!
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Seren,
I am really sorry to hear about your husbands passing. I think this is the first I heard of that. My sincere condolences to you on your loss.
I do know that sometimes being through the things that we have gone through, that you don't want to ask for help. I know I hate that. This surgery or procedure seems to be, or appears to be something that you can schedule for when you can make arrangements. I would ask stepdaughter or son in law. They would have enough time to make arrangements for this. I also found out that sometimes when I thought I was bothering my friends with them helping me out, they were more then pleased to do this, and would have felt insulted if I didn't.
((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
and good luck with the surgery
amy
I am really sorry to hear about your husbands passing. I think this is the first I heard of that. My sincere condolences to you on your loss.
I do know that sometimes being through the things that we have gone through, that you don't want to ask for help. I know I hate that. This surgery or procedure seems to be, or appears to be something that you can schedule for when you can make arrangements. I would ask stepdaughter or son in law. They would have enough time to make arrangements for this. I also found out that sometimes when I thought I was bothering my friends with them helping me out, they were more then pleased to do this, and would have felt insulted if I didn't.
((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
and good luck with the surgery
amy
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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Seren.....one resource that I can think of ...IF there is a college in your city...
Students, particularly, psychology students or nursing students will (or any students) will jump at getting some pocket money.
It would be an easy job, for them...as they could study during the down time....
You can call about where to put up signs...like, in the student union, etc.
You could have food prepped ahead of time...so that cooking would not be an issue....
AARP is another resource..as there are often retired persons who still are quite active and enjoy having side jobs that bring in extra money.
I just took this off the tip of my head...I am sure there are more, if given time to think about it.
You don't need a professional medical person or a limosine..lol...the cost would be astronomical.
You just need someone who is reasonable mature and have a drivers license and transportation...
I understand your feelings of missing your husband and being scared...especially at a time like this...it is natural to feel especially vulnerable!
dandylion
Students, particularly, psychology students or nursing students will (or any students) will jump at getting some pocket money.
It would be an easy job, for them...as they could study during the down time....
You can call about where to put up signs...like, in the student union, etc.
You could have food prepped ahead of time...so that cooking would not be an issue....
AARP is another resource..as there are often retired persons who still are quite active and enjoy having side jobs that bring in extra money.
I just took this off the tip of my head...I am sure there are more, if given time to think about it.
You don't need a professional medical person or a limosine..lol...the cost would be astronomical.
You just need someone who is reasonable mature and have a drivers license and transportation...
I understand your feelings of missing your husband and being scared...especially at a time like this...it is natural to feel especially vulnerable!
dandylion
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
The medical appointment people I was talking about are like "uber" or any other car-for-hire services, they aren't medical professionals - yeah, no, that would cost a fortune - it's just that the doctors' offices and hospitals in my area know how to contact them. They drop-off then pick-up - but you might get two different drivers.
We also have vans that are part of the bus system here - who pick up at hospitals/surgical clinics and peoples' homes. Those are by appointment and are subsidized by tax dollars - it's about $20.
We also have vans that are part of the bus system here - who pick up at hospitals/surgical clinics and peoples' homes. Those are by appointment and are subsidized by tax dollars - it's about $20.
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This surgery or procedure seems to be, or appears to be something that you can schedule for when you can make arrangements. I would ask stepdaughter or son in law. They would have enough time to make arrangements for this. I also found out that sometimes when I thought I was bothering my friends with them helping me out, they were more then pleased to do this...
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
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and they may be pleased to have some way to help you.......you aren't asking to move IN with them.....just a couple days of tag team Seren care! 
i am still so sorry for you loss, honey. all of this life stuff must seem so strange.....you have to figure it out all over again. like learning to walk.
you are a brave and beautiful person.....the universe will provide if you stay open.
i am still so sorry for you loss, honey. all of this life stuff must seem so strange.....you have to figure it out all over again. like learning to walk.
you are a brave and beautiful person.....the universe will provide if you stay open.
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 430
Hi Seren,
I'm sorry about your husband's passing, too. I'm glad others have good answers for your specific question. But, also, it sounds like you must be pretty lonely. Have you tried joining any groups where you live, to meet new people? For example, "meet-ups," which you can browse online in your zip code, bring together people with similar interests. Or, if you have time to volunteer, you could google volunteer opportunities, in your community, to meet like-minded people.
I understand where you're coming from--I left my husband in November and moved to a place where I knew no one, so I'm still working on this issue, myself.
I'm sorry about your husband's passing, too. I'm glad others have good answers for your specific question. But, also, it sounds like you must be pretty lonely. Have you tried joining any groups where you live, to meet new people? For example, "meet-ups," which you can browse online in your zip code, bring together people with similar interests. Or, if you have time to volunteer, you could google volunteer opportunities, in your community, to meet like-minded people.
I understand where you're coming from--I left my husband in November and moved to a place where I knew no one, so I'm still working on this issue, myself.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 114
So very sorry to hear about your husband Seren! I am in agreement with others that maybe start with your step daughter and her husband first? It never hurts to ask. If it's not a possibility then another option where I live is what's called volunteer services. Out of our hospital they have people who volunteer on a regular basis to drive people to appts etc. They also will sit with people in palliative care etc. Worth phoning the hospital and checking if there is something where you live. Hoping it all falls into place for you!
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I hired a medical transport to bring me home after my colonoscopy. I didn't want to impose on friends, and the transport was very reasonable, about $50. The hospital would have canceled the procedure if I hadn't had someone to drive me home, and they wouldn't permit me to take a cab. I had at least two friends later "yell" at me for not asking them to help.
Another option is to call the hospital's social worker. They can help you make some kind of arrangements, too.
Hugs--we single ladies gotta stick together and help each other out! I've driven a couple of single friends--even those I'm not terribly close to--because some day I will need the same kind of favor. It all evens out in the end.
Another option is to call the hospital's social worker. They can help you make some kind of arrangements, too.
Hugs--we single ladies gotta stick together and help each other out! I've driven a couple of single friends--even those I'm not terribly close to--because some day I will need the same kind of favor. It all evens out in the end.
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Thank you, everyone! Your ideas and your encouragement mean so much!! 
I guess I will start with my stepdaughter. And contact the hospital once I know where and when. The idea of hiring a home health care assistant just kinda wigs me out for some reason...even though I know I will probably have to be involved in hiring them for my folks sometime in the next couple of years and for myself at some point down the road.
And as far as my age, lets just say that I still have more than a decade to go before I reach official retirement age... I don't qualify for senior services, but folks at my church may be able to help out!
I do miss my husband with every breath, but I am used to living alone. After my EX was unfaithful and divorced me, I was single for many years before I met my late husband. I was younger then and things did not seem quite so scary for some reason. I am involved with my church, and my new job has kept me very, very busy.
Lots of great ideas, everyone! Thank you so much!!!
I guess I will start with my stepdaughter. And contact the hospital once I know where and when. The idea of hiring a home health care assistant just kinda wigs me out for some reason...even though I know I will probably have to be involved in hiring them for my folks sometime in the next couple of years and for myself at some point down the road.
And as far as my age, lets just say that I still have more than a decade to go before I reach official retirement age...
I don't qualify for senior services, but folks at my church may be able to help out!I do miss my husband with every breath, but I am used to living alone. After my EX was unfaithful and divorced me, I was single for many years before I met my late husband. I was younger then and things did not seem quite so scary for some reason. I am involved with my church, and my new job has kept me very, very busy.
Lots of great ideas, everyone! Thank you so much!!!
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
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Originally Posted by LexieCat 
Another option is to call the hospital's social worker. They can help you make some kind of arrangements, too.
He's in and out of the hospital a lot.
I have been dealing lately with his hospital social worker.
I find them to be very nice helpful people.
We live in a Great Country.
A nice sober day wished for all,
M-Bob
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Just curious, but have you tried asking your step daughter? People are often happy and willing to make time for the ones they love, especially in these types of situations.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
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Serene,
I am so sorry for the loss of your husband.
I work at a church and I would reach out to a priest. They are so knowledgeable and can direct you to someone you can trust, from another parishioner or support through the hospital. Your situation is very common, just reach out as you did today. There are services, you just need to choose what you will need.
Sending prayers for a speedy recovery my friend!!
I am so sorry for the loss of your husband.
I work at a church and I would reach out to a priest. They are so knowledgeable and can direct you to someone you can trust, from another parishioner or support through the hospital. Your situation is very common, just reach out as you did today. There are services, you just need to choose what you will need.
Sending prayers for a speedy recovery my friend!!
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Join Date: May 2010
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Seren, I would start with the step daughter first, most people I know with small children have a backup for care for them. I second that if they know if advance I am guessing it would not be hard for them to help.
I would also lean on the church. I was listening to our pastor and church receptionist the other day. They were talking about how we have assistance for so many things, and people are too proud to just ask for help. People truly want to help others. I would drive you if I could friend!!!
Many hugs, and good luck on your surgery!
I would also lean on the church. I was listening to our pastor and church receptionist the other day. They were talking about how we have assistance for so many things, and people are too proud to just ask for help. People truly want to help others. I would drive you if I could friend!!!
Many hugs, and good luck on your surgery!
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Seren-
I just wanted to share that last year I had a minor eye procedure in Beverly Hills, CA. It had to be there, and I needed someone with me to get back to the hotel. I live thousands of miles away. I did not really have a family choice (my family is in the Northeast).
I struggled with the decision and finally asked an old boyfriend from 15+ years ago because he had lived there for a time and had summers off. It was definitely an unusual choice but it turned out being a wonderful decision on my part, and I think a healing one for him and his family and myself.
I just wanted to support you that I hope it is as healing of an option for you as it was for me.
I just wanted to share that last year I had a minor eye procedure in Beverly Hills, CA. It had to be there, and I needed someone with me to get back to the hotel. I live thousands of miles away. I did not really have a family choice (my family is in the Northeast).
I struggled with the decision and finally asked an old boyfriend from 15+ years ago because he had lived there for a time and had summers off. It was definitely an unusual choice but it turned out being a wonderful decision on my part, and I think a healing one for him and his family and myself.
I just wanted to support you that I hope it is as healing of an option for you as it was for me.
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(((Seren)))
Most people are good, care and want to help. I found out the hard way (nasty motorcycle wreck) that complete strangers, neighbors I never spoke to , acquaintances all wanted to help. They showed up uninvited (thank God) to cook me dinner, clean, get groceries for me, and see if I needed rides.
If ANYONE asked me for help in your situation, I would jump at the opportunity. How else could I repay the kindness I was shown?! I think many people feel the way I do. I hope you can ask an acquaintance you trust.
Best to you through your surgery, and I'm so sorry for the loss of your husband. <3
Most people are good, care and want to help. I found out the hard way (nasty motorcycle wreck) that complete strangers, neighbors I never spoke to , acquaintances all wanted to help. They showed up uninvited (thank God) to cook me dinner, clean, get groceries for me, and see if I needed rides.
If ANYONE asked me for help in your situation, I would jump at the opportunity. How else could I repay the kindness I was shown?! I think many people feel the way I do. I hope you can ask an acquaintance you trust.
Best to you through your surgery, and I'm so sorry for the loss of your husband. <3
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I will speak with my stepdaughter, but haven't yet. I really just hate to ask since they have two young ones and another on the way. I will try my church and neighbors next, I suppose.
Just need transportation and someone to keep me from playing in traffic while the anesthesia wears off, I suppose
Just need transportation and someone to keep me from playing in traffic while the anesthesia wears off, I suppose
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If ANYONE asked me for help in your situation, I would jump at the opportunity. How else could I repay the kindness I was shown?! I think many people feel the way I do. I hope you can ask an acquaintance you trust.
My heart hurts for you, I'm so sorry you have to experience these concerns and miss your dear husband so. Wish we were closer geographically so I could play medical taxi for you!
Sending hugs.
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