trouble sleeping after xabf
 

It´s been 3 months since my relationship with xabf ended and overall I´m doing much better than I expected. NC has helped me get out of the enmeshment and really open up my eyes regarding his manipulations and abuse (emotional and verbal). I´ve been focusing my Florence-tendencies on helping (abused) animals, which has been much more rewarding than trying to take care of an alcoholic.

The thing is, I notice I´m having trouble sleeping. It´s like I don´t want to fall asleep and look for all sorts of distractions until I´m so tired I can´t avoid it. This happens mostly around 2 AM. Then I get up at 6, take my kids to school and have a short nap before going on with my day (I work from home so it isn´t that hard). As a result, I´m continually tired and don´t have much energy to think about xabf.
I was wondering if this is some sort of reaction to the stress I went through with him? Does anyone recognize this, is it some mild form of ptsd?
I´m really surprised by it, I´ve always enjoyed sleeping and had a hard time whenever I stayed at xabf´s because he would wake me up in the middle of the night for no other reason than to be a complete jerk.

When I first got out on my own (and when I first got sober), I had trouble settling down to sleep at night because I was feeling FREE, and I had so many things I wanted to do.

One thing that helped me was a regular bedtime ritual. I'd climb into bed (I had nice new bedding and a comfy new mattress), with a good book (I used to love reading before bed), a cup of ice cream, and an iced tea (caffeine doesn't bother me but if it does, have decaf or a glass of water or something). And I'd read till my eyes were sleepy.

I still do that, and these days, it often takes about 15 minutes before my eyes are too heavy to keep reading and I go to sleep.

Routines and rituals often are very helpful for sleep problems.

I've had insomnia off and on my whole life, especially in times of stress. It comes in waves, I'll be fine for a while, then days or weeks with 2 - 4 hours of sleep per night - often waking up at 2 or 3.

Vetiver essential oil (do terra) has been helping me A LOT! I usually can't get into the hippie voo doo stuff (sorry no offence to anyone that loves oils intended)...but I tried it on a whim and it has changed everything. My mom, brother, and sis in law all have sleep troubles, and it is helping them too! It doesn't make me drowsy at all, just slows my brain enough to drift off. Movies make me fall asleep too.

Anywho - this probably sounded like an advertisement, but I can't say enough how much it has worked for me. Just a few drops rubbed into the bottom of my big toes each night before bed. So, YAY, hippie voo doo!! ;)

Thank you so much for your replies! I´ve been working on changing my routine before sleep, it takes some discipline but I´ll get there. Haven´t found the Vetiver yet, but I´ll keep looking.
I found it helps a lot to read in bed instead of getting online. The other day they were giving away tons of (very good) books at the library and I took about 30 home. So that was a great incentive to get back to reading again, something I hadn´t done since the drama with xabf unfolded.

I have also reduced my overall use of online sites, even discovered I feel much happier not interacting at all on facebook for example. Today I suddenly realized, on a gut level, that xabf´s alcoholism is his problem completely, and it was a huge relief. It is great not to know anything about his life. It´s strange but I have no positive feelings at all towards him, don´t miss him at all.