Just checking in....small update...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 865
Just checking in....small update...
Hello friends – I haven’t posted since Thanksgiving – WOW! Quite a bit has changed since then.
I am not even sure where to start…..let’s see, the last part of the year was “okay”. The last part of 2015 was pretty alright. 2016 started out with a BANG! In January my AH and my oldest were sick with serious sinus infections. They were both so sick that they were both on medication the entire month of January, no kidding. I meet my first out of pocket deductible with one week left in January….. Sad but true. We also had to put my 13 year old cat down because she was suffering from kidney failure. This was very hard for the entire family, especially my AH. He was the “tough” one that took her to be put down, he came home crying like a baby and then went into a deep depression. It was at that moment I knew for certain he was drinking again. I mentioned that I knew he was depressed and I knew he was drinking and he said he was working on his sobriety.
To be completely honest – I had so much drama going on with my teenager at the time that his sobriety was the furthest thing in my mind. I often wonder if my distraction was not a blessing. Instead of living in turmoil my focus was being there for my daughters, especially my teen. She went thru her first breakup with her first crush. It was heart wrenching to see her hurting. Fast forward thru the last months of school and quite a bit of drama it was determined that both teens needed professional help. Another silver lining for me – we were able to get my daughter in rather quickly to see a psychologist….just in the nick of time….
On May 31st my AH text me that he was driving himself to the emergency room. I knew this was bad because I had noticed he was turning yellow, his eyes, eye sockets and his body. He would never go to the doctor. I knew he was drinking but I never in my wildest dreams knew he was drinking THAT much. His blood alcohol was so high the nurse asked him how he was still alive, better yet, how he had driven to the hospital on his own. He said he did this because he was an alcoholic and needed help, he was done and couldn’t live like this anymore. My ears couldn’t believe it – in all our years I have never heard him say such things. He also called his manager and told her the same thing; again, I am sitting there dumbfounded he is admitting to this. This was not our first rodeo to detox but the first 2 times I had him admitted as I believed he was a harm to himself. This is the first time I witnessed him doing this on his own.
The hospital stay was awful – his detox took longer than expected because of the high alcohol level. In all he was in the hospital a little over 2 ˝ weeks and then had to stay for an additional week for physical therapy. He was sedated so much that he did not move from his bed in 12 days – he was basically a new born and had to learn to walk and eat on his own again. Honestly, it was heart breaking to see someone in that condition. He was very lucky that there is no permanent damage to his liver and kidneys. When he was admitted to the hospital he was severely dehydrated and of course the liver and kidney function were an issue. A day before he was released into physical therapy me; my husband and his doctor were having a conversation. It was then I realized that all these months that I had been wrapped up in my girls just living life he had been silently struggling to get sober on his own. I never noticed…..not even once. Oh sure, in hindsight I can look back and notice things aside from the fact that he was yellow and always sleeping I thought he had hepatitis, well yeah he did but it was alcohol induced oh and the fact that he was taking over 8 ibuprofen on any given day for “pain”.
So really, as if that was not enough – the teenager drama and the 4 weeks in the hospital, I found out, while my AH is in ICU sedated, that I am losing my job at the end of July! I wonder HOW am I not a mad woman right now. Somehow I am, at peace with it all I guess. I flash back to the first time this happened to us, my oldest was maybe 18 months old – I was so depressed and ALWAYS worried. This time, I just can’t be bothered with worry and depression. I won’t lie, I have cried twice since this all happened but it was a quick release and then I just told myself there is a reason for all of this and to just keep moving forward. I cannot explain this feeling I have but I sure hope I can keep feeling this way and not become overwhelmed and stressed.
Thanks for reading!!
I am not even sure where to start…..let’s see, the last part of the year was “okay”. The last part of 2015 was pretty alright. 2016 started out with a BANG! In January my AH and my oldest were sick with serious sinus infections. They were both so sick that they were both on medication the entire month of January, no kidding. I meet my first out of pocket deductible with one week left in January….. Sad but true. We also had to put my 13 year old cat down because she was suffering from kidney failure. This was very hard for the entire family, especially my AH. He was the “tough” one that took her to be put down, he came home crying like a baby and then went into a deep depression. It was at that moment I knew for certain he was drinking again. I mentioned that I knew he was depressed and I knew he was drinking and he said he was working on his sobriety.
To be completely honest – I had so much drama going on with my teenager at the time that his sobriety was the furthest thing in my mind. I often wonder if my distraction was not a blessing. Instead of living in turmoil my focus was being there for my daughters, especially my teen. She went thru her first breakup with her first crush. It was heart wrenching to see her hurting. Fast forward thru the last months of school and quite a bit of drama it was determined that both teens needed professional help. Another silver lining for me – we were able to get my daughter in rather quickly to see a psychologist….just in the nick of time….
On May 31st my AH text me that he was driving himself to the emergency room. I knew this was bad because I had noticed he was turning yellow, his eyes, eye sockets and his body. He would never go to the doctor. I knew he was drinking but I never in my wildest dreams knew he was drinking THAT much. His blood alcohol was so high the nurse asked him how he was still alive, better yet, how he had driven to the hospital on his own. He said he did this because he was an alcoholic and needed help, he was done and couldn’t live like this anymore. My ears couldn’t believe it – in all our years I have never heard him say such things. He also called his manager and told her the same thing; again, I am sitting there dumbfounded he is admitting to this. This was not our first rodeo to detox but the first 2 times I had him admitted as I believed he was a harm to himself. This is the first time I witnessed him doing this on his own.
The hospital stay was awful – his detox took longer than expected because of the high alcohol level. In all he was in the hospital a little over 2 ˝ weeks and then had to stay for an additional week for physical therapy. He was sedated so much that he did not move from his bed in 12 days – he was basically a new born and had to learn to walk and eat on his own again. Honestly, it was heart breaking to see someone in that condition. He was very lucky that there is no permanent damage to his liver and kidneys. When he was admitted to the hospital he was severely dehydrated and of course the liver and kidney function were an issue. A day before he was released into physical therapy me; my husband and his doctor were having a conversation. It was then I realized that all these months that I had been wrapped up in my girls just living life he had been silently struggling to get sober on his own. I never noticed…..not even once. Oh sure, in hindsight I can look back and notice things aside from the fact that he was yellow and always sleeping I thought he had hepatitis, well yeah he did but it was alcohol induced oh and the fact that he was taking over 8 ibuprofen on any given day for “pain”.
So really, as if that was not enough – the teenager drama and the 4 weeks in the hospital, I found out, while my AH is in ICU sedated, that I am losing my job at the end of July! I wonder HOW am I not a mad woman right now. Somehow I am, at peace with it all I guess. I flash back to the first time this happened to us, my oldest was maybe 18 months old – I was so depressed and ALWAYS worried. This time, I just can’t be bothered with worry and depression. I won’t lie, I have cried twice since this all happened but it was a quick release and then I just told myself there is a reason for all of this and to just keep moving forward. I cannot explain this feeling I have but I sure hope I can keep feeling this way and not become overwhelmed and stressed.
Thanks for reading!!
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Wow. You have had a year of it.
Well, I hate that it got that bad, but I am glad it got so bad that he took HIMSELF to the hospital, and admitted, on his own, that he needs help. Good stuff. We all know, there is no recovery until they are ready. I hope this is his ready.
You sound like you are handling things calmly, one at a time. That is awesome, and the only way to move forward. Anxiety does nothing but cripple us.
Many hugs, it's good to hear from you! I hope things look up from here!
Well, I hate that it got that bad, but I am glad it got so bad that he took HIMSELF to the hospital, and admitted, on his own, that he needs help. Good stuff. We all know, there is no recovery until they are ready. I hope this is his ready.
You sound like you are handling things calmly, one at a time. That is awesome, and the only way to move forward. Anxiety does nothing but cripple us.
Many hugs, it's good to hear from you! I hope things look up from here!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I get what the hospital stay was like--went through an almost identical scenario with my second husband (though at no point did he have the a-ha moment).
Yeah, sometimes distractions are a blessing. Glad to hear from you, stick around!
Yeah, sometimes distractions are a blessing. Glad to hear from you, stick around!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 865
Originally Posted by LexieCat 
I get what the hospital stay was like--went through an almost identical scenario with my second husband (though at no point did he have the a-ha moment).
Yeah, sometimes distractions are a blessing. Glad to hear from you, stick around!
Yeah, sometimes distractions are a blessing. Glad to hear from you, stick around!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I do, too. Sadly, once my ex had a liver biopsy showing he had EARLY cirrhosis (and would be fine, in all probability, if he never drank again), he started drinking again. At first, in secret, but in a matter of less than a year worse than ever. That was when I decided to leave. I was up for one deathbed vigil, but not another one when it was avoidable.
Somehow, almost 20 years later, he's still alive. I haven't talked to him in several years, but I'm quite sure he's still drinking, and am grateful I haven't been around to watch it.
I do know people, though, for whom that kind of scare really did provide that moment of clarity and they stayed sober. So let's hope your husband falls into that category.
Somehow, almost 20 years later, he's still alive. I haven't talked to him in several years, but I'm quite sure he's still drinking, and am grateful I haven't been around to watch it.
I do know people, though, for whom that kind of scare really did provide that moment of clarity and they stayed sober. So let's hope your husband falls into that category.
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