Hawkeye13

Yes--this isn't helping him and certainly isn't helping you.

You, or anyone, are not able to "control" someone else's use of drugs or alcohol--or managing their mental health

They will just end up destroying you and your peace of mind
and because you cushion them, they are also able to avoid dealing
in a permanent, meaningful way with their own addictions and problems.

So really, it just harmful though clearly your intentions are the best.
I did this with my own mother for years, so I truly understand it is from love.

Adrian80

UPDATE:I have had it. My manager is at another complex today but when he gets in I'm going to ask him to make him leave. I feel bad knowing he has no where to go but it's not my problem. He got paid yesterday so he has money. He has become verbally abusive and has threatened my life. I am seriously afraid of him. It's like he's turned into a monster. Pray for me guys, I'm scared.

CentralOhioDad

Praying for your safety. Please keep us posted.

((((((HUGS))))))

Bekindalways

I so hope you can get him out and keep him out. Could you call the police?

firebolt

Please, please get an order of protection. Call your local women's shelter - they can help. Call the Domestic Violence hotline - they can help. We can pray for you, no problem, but you can take action! You do not have to live in fear, you can change this. Sending you prayers and peace.

hopeful4

If he has threatened you in any way, call the police and have him removed. Don't wait for the manager. Get him out, and more importantly, keep him out.

Stay safe.

AnvilheadII

yes, make sure you are safe/away from him and call the cops. IMMEDIATELY. your "manager" hasn't really helped much here, and this is WAY beyond his skill set.

tomsteve

"I feel like distancing myself from him when he honestly needs me the most is so unfair. "
welp, I hope with whats transpired since you typed this ridiculous statement has gotten it through your head that you aren't what he needs the most.
unless needing you the most means to enable him to kill himself and possibly others.

Adrian80

I don't have a clue as to where he is. He left this morning a little before 9 saying he was going to Walmart. I've haven't seen or heard from him since which is very strange.

AnvilheadII

gather up all his crap, Hefty bags are perfect luggage for the occasion. set them outside. when he returns, DO NOT LET HIM IN. not just to talk, or to grab his razor, or anything. and if he won't go away, CALL THE POLICE.

Adrian80

Well guys something told me to call my local police station and low and behold he is in jail for trespassing. I have no idea where though. I hope he stays there but he probably won't.

hopeful4

He won't be in long, and you know when he is out he will come back there. Prepare yourself.

You deserve so much more.

Adrian80

You are so right I do deserve so much more.

tomsteve

Adrian, I hope the pain of enabling him gets too much for you real quick.
nope, you don't deserve this. youre living in insanity. actually, ill change that- youre EXISTING in insanity.
you deserve to live. put your foot down and say NO MORE!
YOU CANT SAVE HIM AND YOUR ONLY ENABLING HIM TO CONTINUE THE SAME INSANE BEHAVIOR!
again
YOU CANT SAVE HIM AND YOUR ONLY ENABLING HIM TO CONTINUE THE SAME INSANE BEHAVIOR

you are actually helping dig his grave.

now PLEASE decide today- the very moment you read this- that you are done!!!! you have a great support group here that will help you- give you the advise on how to continue to say NO and to help you learn about YOU and help YOU have the
GREAT LIFE YOU DESERVE!

Adrian80

Update: Like I predicted he got out of jail last night and of course the first thing he did was contact me. I let him know that he was not welcomed. I let him know that I was afraid of him and that if he came I would call the cops and have him arrested again. To my surprise he stayed away. I didn't sleep at all because I just knew that he would show up before day drunk begging to get in but surprisingly he didn't. He called early this morning asking to get his clothes and important papers because he is going to try to look for work out of town. He also said he wanted to talk. I allowed him to come and to my shock he was sober but as usual we didn't talk. I talked and I cried and I tried to get him to understand where I was coming from but as usual it fell on death ears. As usual he did very little talking about us and our issues but it's no surprise. I've always been the one doing most of the emotional work. I've always made it super easy for him to come back regardless of the offense and now here we are. Of course he's mad at me. Like always everything is my fault with his contributions to the problems being minimized. I'm so hurt and I feel so much guilt. I still love him very much and I feel bad at the thought of him sleeping on the streets. That tugs at me the most. He has done so much for me but I honestly can't live like this anymore. I now have to worry about how I will take care of myself. Thanks everyone for reading.

hopeful4

You are doing the right thing. Stop talking to him though, you are only hurting yourself more.

Hugs.

Carol Star

I did not learn boundaries growing up in an alcoholic/codependent home. Now I know when I need one- when my serenity,safety, security are threatened.....anything that wakes me up at night- I NEED A BOUNDARY. If I may be kicked out of my home - my security is threatened. If I am forced into sex I do not want I need a boundary.

Adrian80

I am cutting contact with him because I am really starting to hate him. He's out of state now but he's still talking the same old crap like he hasn't done anything wrong. I finally see what a horrible person he is and I know now he never loved me I was just a pushover but not anymore I'm done with him.

hopeful4

Good for you! On to bigger and better things in your life! Hugs to you!