A letter to my Addcit Ex:
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 12
A letter to my Addcit Ex:
I warned myself about you. All those years I spent avoiding the dating scene, being fearful of relationships, being terrified of getting close to someone, anyone– was because I warned myself about you. I never wanted to meet someone like you. You were exactly the kind of person I imagined I never wanted to know. Someone who would come crashing into my life with such wrecklessness there was no amount of distance I could put between us to keep myself from colliding into you. I fought so hard not to like you, to not fall in love with you but you persisted. For a year you baited me with charming lines and adoration, patiently waiting for the right words and promises to reel me in. I was the big catch, the prize to be won and you were all about the chase. How many times did I tell you I never wanted to date you? Twice? Three times? Four? I remember when you sent me photos of your ex-girlfriend to try and make me jealous after the nth time I told you “no.” I can’t help but wonder now… will you send photos of me next? Probably not, because you will never work as hard for a girl as you did for me.
You were an open book, that much I appreciated about you and in the beginning, your openess is what made me begin to trust you. If there’s something that attracts me to someone– it’s honesty. You told me about your past with drugs and alcohol, you told me how you had cheated on every single relationship you had ever been in, and you told me how many women you had slept with (which I would later think about often and dub myself “number 49.”)
You weren’t even in a relationship with me but you confided in me your deepest darkest secrets and your fears but also your goals, ambitions, and successes. I appreciated your honesty and found it endearing. Instead, I should have found it terrifying…
When you ran into me in person for the first time on that elevator, you said all the right things. You were so cool to me, so in tune with the things that I liked, it was unsettling how much we had in common. How often had you rehearsed? With your lengthy history of relationships and hook ups I should have know I was dealing with a pro. I fended your advances off for as long as I could but when I weakened you seized the opportunity before I had even known it came and here I was: a new me, in a relationship with you.
I remember how excitedly you changed your relationship status on Facebook that night I finally said yes. How excited were you to change it to “single” instead?
After October 4th, 2012 I spent 3 and a half years of my life with you. We had our ups and downs but I had convinced myself any fight we had was typical, normal for being in a relationship but the truth is, I had no concept of what was normal because I had never been in one before. I think back to the first time I said I loved you–quietly, half asleep and fearful of your response. I remember how you instinctively said it in return only to take the words back a few weeks later saying, “We shouldn’t say it anymore because I don’t feel that way about you.” I was crushed. But then, in the summer, you kneeled in front of me in your mom’s living room and said it for real and that following morning, as we took a shower together, I remember how you sat with me in the bottom of the tub holding my face and you told me “You are the one.” The shower hid my tears as you explained that I was unlike any girl you had ever been with and that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me. I felt like every cell in my body was going to explode. After that, for the rest of our relationship, I tied my soul to yours. We weren’t married but I knew in my heart, I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you and from that moment I told you I loved you every minute I could just to make sure you never forgot. Sometimes, I’d say it just to hear you say it back. Tell me, when did you stop meaning it? When did it become just a routine?
When we moved in together at the end of 2015, I thought we were taking our first real step as a couple towards our future. How I wish I had known what kind of future that was. During our time living together, our relationship started to have it’s cracks. You began to lie and hide things from me and my trust issues started to manifest. I began questioning, investigating, suspecting… You stopped answering calls and coming home and that’s when I found out you were using drugs again. I remember how broken you were on the floor at my feet; how apologetic, scared, and ashamed you were–your promises that you would quit. I instinctively took you into my arms and told you it would be okay. I wanted to protect you, to keep you safe. If only I had known I was only hurting you more… that I wasn’t protecting you, I was enabling you.
Over time, asking for forgiveness became second nature and instead of respecting the boundaries I so desperately needed, you decided saying “I’m sorry” was easier than trying. I wasn’t as niave as you think or might still be convinced I am. I know you were doing drugs for much of our relationship. After all, I still have your dealer’s phone number memorized. The numbers, burned into my memory from how many times I read it in your call log, are like a song in my head. Four two three, nine three zero…
You thought you were so clever, each time you lied to me, it was your new favorite game–the new chase. I think you knew. You knew that I was smarter than that and that’s why you started to mock and blame me for your ways. You wanted me to doubt myself, to feel like I was somehow to blame because if I had doubts and blamed myself then I would stop questioning you. Each time my words and lectures were enough to break you, you would make promises– clean up your act and get sober for a week or two before relapsing and the same issues would crop up again, a never ending dance.
You called me pessimistic but the truth is that my optimism is what kept me around for so long. I believed in you. No matter how often you broke my heart, lied to me, used or manipulated me, I believed you could change… that you were better than who you were choosing to be. All those words you said to me in the beginning of our relationship would constantly play through my head. I was convinced that you would love me enough to change because I was the one. How ignorant I was…
The morning you dumped me I felt my heart shatter into a thousand pieces and with each breath I took the sharp pain I felt reminded me of all it’s edges. I have stuck by him through so much! I thought, how can he dump me after everything HE has done?! At first you were cold and distant, entirely unphased by my leaving until it came out that you had cheated on me–admitting you made out with a girl at a party while drunk/high–only then did you buckle and let all of your emotions pour out. I went from being “controlling” and “miserable” to being “too good for you.” You cried as I laid into you about how you were choosing to let your life pass you by and again, you made promises to change and get your life together and again, I clung to your every word and hoped and prayed they were true.
“An addict will never change until they hit their rock bottom.” I had read this on one of the many addiction sites I frequented during our relationship. I prayed losing me would be your rock bottom but for losing me to be your rock bottom that would have to mean that you still care about me and you only care about yourself. Since our break up, you’ve taken your new found freedom and ran with it. Using and drinking as much as you please, continuing to see the girl you cheated on me with and more. You have everything you ever wanted: drugs, alcohol, addict friends and addict women. A job that lets you use and drink as frequently as you would like. You never have to go home sober and unhappy anymore.
It will take me a long time to replace my memories of you with the true you, the addict you. Every day I think up a new memory to replace: the first time I held your hand ghost hunting on our college campus, the night I wrote “I like you” in magnet letters on the fridge, the first time I kissed you standing in the kitchen of my dorm, the night we were sitting in the lifeguard tower on the beach, the sunflower field, the many days we spent together playing video games or magic the gathering, sleeping in late on your days off, the twizzler rings I made the day we went to your hometown’s arcade…every memory I replace with the last sight I saw of you. I am convincing myself every memory was a lie because believing that any of that was true makes it impossible to let you go. Because believing that you were really that person at one point but choose to no longer be hurts too much.
I still have my grudges but each memory replaced is a grudge I let go. I continue to pray for you often, that one day you will get the help you need. Despite everything that has happened, a piece of me will always continue to care for you. If there is one thing I am to take away from all of this, it’s that I will never love anyone the same way again. I loved you more than anyone ever should and that is my greatest fault. I will move on, I will meet someone else, but I will never love them the same way that I loved you. You were my first true love and my greatest life lesson. For you–I am grateful because you have taught me what real love is. It’s not make-believe or fantasy, it doesn’t always conquer all, it’s not unconditional, and it’s not always returned. It’s a hard lesson but it’s one I had to learn in order to meet the real love of my life someday and for that, I thank you.
You were an open book, that much I appreciated about you and in the beginning, your openess is what made me begin to trust you. If there’s something that attracts me to someone– it’s honesty. You told me about your past with drugs and alcohol, you told me how you had cheated on every single relationship you had ever been in, and you told me how many women you had slept with (which I would later think about often and dub myself “number 49.”)
You weren’t even in a relationship with me but you confided in me your deepest darkest secrets and your fears but also your goals, ambitions, and successes. I appreciated your honesty and found it endearing. Instead, I should have found it terrifying…
When you ran into me in person for the first time on that elevator, you said all the right things. You were so cool to me, so in tune with the things that I liked, it was unsettling how much we had in common. How often had you rehearsed? With your lengthy history of relationships and hook ups I should have know I was dealing with a pro. I fended your advances off for as long as I could but when I weakened you seized the opportunity before I had even known it came and here I was: a new me, in a relationship with you.
I remember how excitedly you changed your relationship status on Facebook that night I finally said yes. How excited were you to change it to “single” instead?
After October 4th, 2012 I spent 3 and a half years of my life with you. We had our ups and downs but I had convinced myself any fight we had was typical, normal for being in a relationship but the truth is, I had no concept of what was normal because I had never been in one before. I think back to the first time I said I loved you–quietly, half asleep and fearful of your response. I remember how you instinctively said it in return only to take the words back a few weeks later saying, “We shouldn’t say it anymore because I don’t feel that way about you.” I was crushed. But then, in the summer, you kneeled in front of me in your mom’s living room and said it for real and that following morning, as we took a shower together, I remember how you sat with me in the bottom of the tub holding my face and you told me “You are the one.” The shower hid my tears as you explained that I was unlike any girl you had ever been with and that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me. I felt like every cell in my body was going to explode. After that, for the rest of our relationship, I tied my soul to yours. We weren’t married but I knew in my heart, I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you and from that moment I told you I loved you every minute I could just to make sure you never forgot. Sometimes, I’d say it just to hear you say it back. Tell me, when did you stop meaning it? When did it become just a routine?
When we moved in together at the end of 2015, I thought we were taking our first real step as a couple towards our future. How I wish I had known what kind of future that was. During our time living together, our relationship started to have it’s cracks. You began to lie and hide things from me and my trust issues started to manifest. I began questioning, investigating, suspecting… You stopped answering calls and coming home and that’s when I found out you were using drugs again. I remember how broken you were on the floor at my feet; how apologetic, scared, and ashamed you were–your promises that you would quit. I instinctively took you into my arms and told you it would be okay. I wanted to protect you, to keep you safe. If only I had known I was only hurting you more… that I wasn’t protecting you, I was enabling you.
Over time, asking for forgiveness became second nature and instead of respecting the boundaries I so desperately needed, you decided saying “I’m sorry” was easier than trying. I wasn’t as niave as you think or might still be convinced I am. I know you were doing drugs for much of our relationship. After all, I still have your dealer’s phone number memorized. The numbers, burned into my memory from how many times I read it in your call log, are like a song in my head. Four two three, nine three zero…
You thought you were so clever, each time you lied to me, it was your new favorite game–the new chase. I think you knew. You knew that I was smarter than that and that’s why you started to mock and blame me for your ways. You wanted me to doubt myself, to feel like I was somehow to blame because if I had doubts and blamed myself then I would stop questioning you. Each time my words and lectures were enough to break you, you would make promises– clean up your act and get sober for a week or two before relapsing and the same issues would crop up again, a never ending dance.
You called me pessimistic but the truth is that my optimism is what kept me around for so long. I believed in you. No matter how often you broke my heart, lied to me, used or manipulated me, I believed you could change… that you were better than who you were choosing to be. All those words you said to me in the beginning of our relationship would constantly play through my head. I was convinced that you would love me enough to change because I was the one. How ignorant I was…
The morning you dumped me I felt my heart shatter into a thousand pieces and with each breath I took the sharp pain I felt reminded me of all it’s edges. I have stuck by him through so much! I thought, how can he dump me after everything HE has done?! At first you were cold and distant, entirely unphased by my leaving until it came out that you had cheated on me–admitting you made out with a girl at a party while drunk/high–only then did you buckle and let all of your emotions pour out. I went from being “controlling” and “miserable” to being “too good for you.” You cried as I laid into you about how you were choosing to let your life pass you by and again, you made promises to change and get your life together and again, I clung to your every word and hoped and prayed they were true.
“An addict will never change until they hit their rock bottom.” I had read this on one of the many addiction sites I frequented during our relationship. I prayed losing me would be your rock bottom but for losing me to be your rock bottom that would have to mean that you still care about me and you only care about yourself. Since our break up, you’ve taken your new found freedom and ran with it. Using and drinking as much as you please, continuing to see the girl you cheated on me with and more. You have everything you ever wanted: drugs, alcohol, addict friends and addict women. A job that lets you use and drink as frequently as you would like. You never have to go home sober and unhappy anymore.
It will take me a long time to replace my memories of you with the true you, the addict you. Every day I think up a new memory to replace: the first time I held your hand ghost hunting on our college campus, the night I wrote “I like you” in magnet letters on the fridge, the first time I kissed you standing in the kitchen of my dorm, the night we were sitting in the lifeguard tower on the beach, the sunflower field, the many days we spent together playing video games or magic the gathering, sleeping in late on your days off, the twizzler rings I made the day we went to your hometown’s arcade…every memory I replace with the last sight I saw of you. I am convincing myself every memory was a lie because believing that any of that was true makes it impossible to let you go. Because believing that you were really that person at one point but choose to no longer be hurts too much.
I still have my grudges but each memory replaced is a grudge I let go. I continue to pray for you often, that one day you will get the help you need. Despite everything that has happened, a piece of me will always continue to care for you. If there is one thing I am to take away from all of this, it’s that I will never love anyone the same way again. I loved you more than anyone ever should and that is my greatest fault. I will move on, I will meet someone else, but I will never love them the same way that I loved you. You were my first true love and my greatest life lesson. For you–I am grateful because you have taught me what real love is. It’s not make-believe or fantasy, it doesn’t always conquer all, it’s not unconditional, and it’s not always returned. It’s a hard lesson but it’s one I had to learn in order to meet the real love of my life someday and for that, I thank you.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 146
Thank you for this. It is so raw and honest. My heart is breaking for you. You are such an intelligent woman. You have a huge heart and are SO STRONG!
This letter sounds like closure to me. Send it to him if you want to, but maybe you should just keep it for yourself. These are your feelings and very real emotions. He doesn't deserve this. It is much too beautiful.
Lots of love to you.
This letter sounds like closure to me. Send it to him if you want to, but maybe you should just keep it for yourself. These are your feelings and very real emotions. He doesn't deserve this. It is much too beautiful.
Lots of love to you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 12
Originally Posted by caretaker88 
Thank you for this. It is so raw and honest. My heart is breaking for you. You are such an intelligent woman. You have a huge heart and are SO STRONG!
This letter sounds like closure to me. Send it to him if you want to, but maybe you should just keep it for yourself. These are your feelings and very real emotions. He doesn't deserve this. It is much too beautiful.
Lots of love to you.
This letter sounds like closure to me. Send it to him if you want to, but maybe you should just keep it for yourself. These are your feelings and very real emotions. He doesn't deserve this. It is much too beautiful.
Lots of love to you.
I shared it on my private blog and linked it in a tweet on my twitter account that he still follows. He's blocked me on every social network except for that one. I expect after he sees this piece of writing, he will block me on that too. He's pretty good at running from his emotions so I'm sure he will see the title and not read it... or maybe he will, in fear of what it all says. He doesn't want anyone to know he's an addict (except other addicts.)
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Auburn, I would be certain this letter will have no effect on him at all. However, I'm hoping that writing it all out like that has had some effect on you and will help you to move forward in your own life.
I understand how you feel--I was married to XAH for 19 years and together for 21. I live in the same house we lived in and I am blindsided by memories quite often. Just yesterday I emptied out my jewelry box looking for an earring and found a little pin shaped like a nuthatch, my favorite bird, that he gave me during our first winter together. It unlocked a whole cascade of memories, feelings and thoughts, and I had to go sit down and cry for a while.
Although it would have been tempting for me to share that w/him in the past, I am getting better at recognizing what it would really be--an attempt to manipulate him, a line cast out to try to reel him in, change him, make him be who I want him to be. And I cannot do that. My lord, if I haven't learned that over the past years, I haven't learned anything!
It's certainly your choice whether to put something so private as this letter out in public, Auburn. Just make sure you're clear about your motives and expectations. One set of motives will move you forward in your healing, another set will keep you stuck in trying to control another person's behavior and yet another will attempt to manipulate how others see you.
This thread might be useful to you:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...are-store.html
And this too:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...esnt-mean.html
Hugs, Auburn--I'm sorry for the pain you're feeling right now.
I understand how you feel--I was married to XAH for 19 years and together for 21. I live in the same house we lived in and I am blindsided by memories quite often. Just yesterday I emptied out my jewelry box looking for an earring and found a little pin shaped like a nuthatch, my favorite bird, that he gave me during our first winter together. It unlocked a whole cascade of memories, feelings and thoughts, and I had to go sit down and cry for a while.
Although it would have been tempting for me to share that w/him in the past, I am getting better at recognizing what it would really be--an attempt to manipulate him, a line cast out to try to reel him in, change him, make him be who I want him to be. And I cannot do that. My lord, if I haven't learned that over the past years, I haven't learned anything!
It's certainly your choice whether to put something so private as this letter out in public, Auburn. Just make sure you're clear about your motives and expectations. One set of motives will move you forward in your healing, another set will keep you stuck in trying to control another person's behavior and yet another will attempt to manipulate how others see you.
This thread might be useful to you:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...are-store.html
And this too:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...esnt-mean.html
Hugs, Auburn--I'm sorry for the pain you're feeling right now.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 12
Originally Posted by honeypig
Auburn, I would be certain this letter will have no effect on him at all. However, I'm hoping that writing it all out like that has had some effect on you and will help you to move forward in your own life.
I understand how you feel--I was married to XAH for 19 years and together for 21. I live in the same house we lived in and I am blindsided by memories quite often. Just yesterday I emptied out my jewelry box looking for an earring and found a little pin shaped like a nuthatch, my favorite bird, that he gave me during our first winter together. It unlocked a whole cascade of memories, feelings and thoughts, and I had to go sit down and cry for a while.
Although it would have been tempting for me to share that w/him in the past, I am getting better at recognizing what it would really be--an attempt to manipulate him, a line cast out to try to reel him in, change him, make him be who I want him to be. And I cannot do that. My lord, if I haven't learned that over the past years, I haven't learned anything!
It's certainly your choice whether to put something so private as this letter out in public, Auburn. Just make sure you're clear about your motives and expectations. One set of motives will move you forward in your healing, another set will keep you stuck in trying to control another person's behavior and yet another will attempt to manipulate how others see you.
Hugs, Auburn--I'm sorry for the pain you're feeling right now.
I understand how you feel--I was married to XAH for 19 years and together for 21. I live in the same house we lived in and I am blindsided by memories quite often. Just yesterday I emptied out my jewelry box looking for an earring and found a little pin shaped like a nuthatch, my favorite bird, that he gave me during our first winter together. It unlocked a whole cascade of memories, feelings and thoughts, and I had to go sit down and cry for a while.
Although it would have been tempting for me to share that w/him in the past, I am getting better at recognizing what it would really be--an attempt to manipulate him, a line cast out to try to reel him in, change him, make him be who I want him to be. And I cannot do that. My lord, if I haven't learned that over the past years, I haven't learned anything!
It's certainly your choice whether to put something so private as this letter out in public, Auburn. Just make sure you're clear about your motives and expectations. One set of motives will move you forward in your healing, another set will keep you stuck in trying to control another person's behavior and yet another will attempt to manipulate how others see you.
Hugs, Auburn--I'm sorry for the pain you're feeling right now.
My blog and twitter are both private. No friends or family follow me on either as they are both outlets for me to vent my emotions freely. He is the only person I allowed to follow me on either since he had his own accounts and we were romantically involved. This letter was more about my "last words" rather than trying to manipulate him. I already tried that, in person, to no avail and am at a point a month post-break up where I'm finally combatting my need to control or change him with the realization that he's his own person, an addict, and that he will continue to do what he wants because the drugs and alcohol are his first love. Im in counselling and am attending Nar-Anon and Al-Anon groups for my co-addiction, so it's a slow but steady process of detachment. As a writer, this is the best outlet I know for releasing my emotions so that I'm not internalizing and obsessiong over them.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
I'm glad to that hear you have this level of understanding about writing a letter like this and that you have carefully examined your motives and expectations.
I hope it brings you both release and healing, Auburn.
I hope it brings you both release and healing, Auburn.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
Sending hugs AG. No one can say you didn't love him. You were blessed to have loved someone so much, some people can never say that. You know what true love was.
Cry with this letter, continue with no contact. Watch how your life moves forward, and his continues to be a train wreck. The difference is, that you are the bystander, not in the train anymore.
Cry with this letter, continue with no contact. Watch how your life moves forward, and his continues to be a train wreck. The difference is, that you are the bystander, not in the train anymore.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 786
Thank you for sharing!
It's little consolation, but I posted a letter on here after 20 years with my ex...and I can tell you it only would have gotten worse, and you'd have lost a lot more of yourself in the process. I'm grateful you escaped when you did.
Find the light, process through and find yourself again...and now you can be aware of those red flags so many of us missed the first time around. You've got your whole life ahead of you!
That was beautifully written.
It's little consolation, but I posted a letter on here after 20 years with my ex...and I can tell you it only would have gotten worse, and you'd have lost a lot more of yourself in the process. I'm grateful you escaped when you did.
Find the light, process through and find yourself again...and now you can be aware of those red flags so many of us missed the first time around. You've got your whole life ahead of you!
That was beautifully written.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 12
Originally Posted by maia1234
Sending hugs AG. No one can say you didn't love him. You were blessed to have loved someone so much, some people can never say that. You know what true love was.
Cry with this letter, continue with no contact. Watch how your life moves forward, and his continues to be a train wreck. The difference is, that you are the bystander, not in the train anymore.
Cry with this letter, continue with no contact. Watch how your life moves forward, and his continues to be a train wreck. The difference is, that you are the bystander, not in the train anymore.
I think that's the hardest part, being a bystander. There are so many times I tried to take the wheel. To slow him down, bring him to a stop. He fought me for control each and every time, and each and every time I lost. Watching him destroy himself from a far, is a feeling of helplessness and fear I can't describe. You want to scream, wave your arms, derail him... but you can't because he's moving hundreds of miles per hour and you're only a person. If you get in his way, you will only get crushed.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 12
Originally Posted by Praying
Thank you for sharing!
It's little consolation, but I posted a letter on here after 20 years with my ex...and I can tell you it only would have gotten worse, and you'd have lost a lot more of yourself in the process. I'm grateful you escaped when you did.
Find the light, process through and find yourself again...and now you can be aware of those red flags so many of us missed the first time around. You've got your whole life ahead of you!
That was beautifully written.
It's little consolation, but I posted a letter on here after 20 years with my ex...and I can tell you it only would have gotten worse, and you'd have lost a lot more of yourself in the process. I'm grateful you escaped when you did.
Find the light, process through and find yourself again...and now you can be aware of those red flags so many of us missed the first time around. You've got your whole life ahead of you!
That was beautifully written.
Thank you Praying. I am so very sorry to hear about the loss of your 20 year relationship. While my 3 1/2 years is meager compared to that... love has a funny way of making minutes seem like lifetimes and I can't imagine how 20 years must feel. The memories you must have... my heart breaks for you. I am definitely more aware of red flags now more than ever. Like I mentioned in my letter, I will never love someone the same way I loved him: with such freedom and openness. The love I will have from now on will be much more careful.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
AG,
I understand that you want to "save" him. But look at it this way, he is an adult and should be treated that way. Even if we feel we "know" better for him. We have to respect our partners decisions, even if they decide to drink themselves to death. It is the hardest thing to watch our love ones do that, but they are grown adults and can make their own decisions. I just felt that my axh was not going to die on my watch and had to get out of his way.
Stay close to SR, you are doing better each and every day. hugs my friend!!
I understand that you want to "save" him. But look at it this way, he is an adult and should be treated that way. Even if we feel we "know" better for him. We have to respect our partners decisions, even if they decide to drink themselves to death. It is the hardest thing to watch our love ones do that, but they are grown adults and can make their own decisions. I just felt that my axh was not going to die on my watch and had to get out of his way.
Stay close to SR, you are doing better each and every day. hugs my friend!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 12
Originally Posted by maia1234
AG,
I understand that you want to "save" him. But look at it this way, he is an adult and should be treated that way. Even if we feel we "know" better for him. We have to respect our partners decisions, even if they decide to drink themselves to death. It is the hardest thing to watch our love ones do that, but they are grown adults and can make their own decisions. I just felt that my axh was not going to die on my watch and had to get out of his way.
Stay close to SR, you are doing better each and every day. hugs my friend!!
I understand that you want to "save" him. But look at it this way, he is an adult and should be treated that way. Even if we feel we "know" better for him. We have to respect our partners decisions, even if they decide to drink themselves to death. It is the hardest thing to watch our love ones do that, but they are grown adults and can make their own decisions. I just felt that my axh was not going to die on my watch and had to get out of his way.
Stay close to SR, you are doing better each and every day. hugs my friend!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 16
This was a nice read.
"You decided saying “I’m sorry” was easier than trying"
Yup. This sentence right here. It's sad when we try to nurture someone and change them for the better, but they don't even try to change themselves. They would rather just screw up and apologize for the thousandth time.
After my relationship with an alcoholic, I know that I can never do it again. And it hurts. I still miss him. But I don't know if he will ever get better. When he stole my credit card to buy cigarettes and beer (while I was trying to sleep), it was the last straw. He had never stolen from me before. I just couldn't believe he could be that selfish. He knew I didn't like him drinking and smoking, then on top of that, goes and purchases those things with MY money. Yet here I am, still missing him because I got emotionally attached to who he was when he was sober. He was a very nice and caring guy when he was sober. It's sad.. because I don't even know who he was, was he the lying addict or the sweet guy?
"You decided saying “I’m sorry” was easier than trying"
Yup. This sentence right here. It's sad when we try to nurture someone and change them for the better, but they don't even try to change themselves. They would rather just screw up and apologize for the thousandth time.
After my relationship with an alcoholic, I know that I can never do it again. And it hurts. I still miss him. But I don't know if he will ever get better. When he stole my credit card to buy cigarettes and beer (while I was trying to sleep), it was the last straw. He had never stolen from me before. I just couldn't believe he could be that selfish. He knew I didn't like him drinking and smoking, then on top of that, goes and purchases those things with MY money. Yet here I am, still missing him because I got emotionally attached to who he was when he was sober. He was a very nice and caring guy when he was sober. It's sad.. because I don't even know who he was, was he the lying addict or the sweet guy?
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
