But, to give another perspective, my AH says he stays away because of the guilt. Guilt he feels for all of the pain he has caused me. He says that when he is sober it hurts more because all he does is sit and think about all of the bad things he has done. So maybe that is the case here with you. Maybe he realizes fully how much he put you through over the last four years and the best thing he feels he can give you is a life without him.

Post Acute Withdrawal (PAW)
After the symptoms of the acute abstinence syndrome have subsided, the symptoms of post acute withdrawal (PAW) begin to emerge. Post acute withdrawal syndrome is a group of symptoms resulting from neuropsychological (brain and central nervous system) impairments that persist into recovery. PAW surfaces 7 to 14 days into abstinence and grows to a peak intensity over the next three to six months.

The post acute withdrawal syndrome affects thought processes, emotional processes, and memory. Symptoms include problems with abstract thinking, concentration, and memory. The alcoholic also becomes stress sensitive. There is an overreaction to stress and lowered tolerance to stress.

The intelligence of a person is not affected. It is as if the computer in the head is not functioning properly. The impairment can be corrected, but it takes time and it takes some effort.

Sometimes the brain cannot translate short-term memory into long-term memory; so you may forget you were to give Sally a message. Sometimes the information is there, but it is jumbled and confused. You may remember to give Sally the message but give it incorrectly. When the thoughts of recovering alcoholics become chaotic and confusing and when they find themselves unable to concentrate or to remember how they solved problems before, they may believe they are going crazy. They are not. These experiences are normal during recovery and they will pass.

The paradox of recovery is that recovery from neurological impairment requires abstinence, but neurological impairment interferes with the ability to abstain. This means that everything possible must be done to control the effects of PAW while recovery is taking place.

There is a direct relationship between elevated stress and the severity of PAW. Each tends to reinforce the other. Stress aggravates PAW and makes it more severe; the intensity of PAW creates stress which further aggravates PAW. Recovering alcoholics can learn to identify sources of stress and develop skills in decision making and problem solving to help reduce stress. Proper diet, exercise, regular habits, and positive attitudes all play important parts in controlling PAW. Relaxation can be used as a tool to retrain the brain to function properly and to reduce stress. Learning about the symptoms of post acute withdrawal, knowing what to expect, and not overreacting to the symptoms increase the ability to function appropriately and effectively. Remember, the symptoms of PAW will pass with continued sobriety.

Yep, all it would take is a phone call to him....no judgements or 'excuses' required of friends. All of us in recovery need love and support.

I would be extremely guilty and frankly would rather avoid the ones I hurt all together too only out of sheer embarrassment.

Well he came around less and less. I asked him why and he said he was feeling pressure from me and couldn't handle it. I said I was fine with being friends if he could not handle the pressure of a releationship at this time.

If only I had known about alcoholism 4 years ago, I'd made a lot better choices!