Help! Alcoholic Partner
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 6
I had to leave state for an appointment and thought the kids would be okay with their mother. Turns out I made a huge mistake: she left them alone and spent all day in the bar ;(. She hadn't been to the bar in quite a long time and I did not think she would just leave her kids at home alone to do this... So angry and sad and unsure what to do now. Thankfully a friend of both of us could come to our house to make sure the kids are OK.
I have talked to the kids and tried to explain to them what is happening to their mother. And I'm certainly never ever going to agree to buy another drop of alcohol for her no matter how many fits she throws: if anything this has definitely openened my eyes to how severe the situation already is.
I am going to look into the legal possibilities but suspect I have little legal ground to stand on: I have no legal connection to these children - marriage, guardianship, etc. If I could delay this move to buy some time for all of us I would, but I'm already legally obligated at this point.
Atalose, for what it's worth, my partner has been desperate to move away from where we live. She hates her job here and has almost no connections in the town.
I have talked to the kids and tried to explain to them what is happening to their mother. And I'm certainly never ever going to agree to buy another drop of alcohol for her no matter how many fits she throws: if anything this has definitely openened my eyes to how severe the situation already is.
I am going to look into the legal possibilities but suspect I have little legal ground to stand on: I have no legal connection to these children - marriage, guardianship, etc. If I could delay this move to buy some time for all of us I would, but I'm already legally obligated at this point.
Atalose, for what it's worth, my partner has been desperate to move away from where we live. She hates her job here and has almost no connections in the town.
Well, you could involve CPS in this situation. As their stepparent (which is basically the role you play in their lives, regardless of whether you're married) you might even have a legal obligation to report this child neglect.
It's apparent that YOU cannot protect the children from her. And the intervention might make a difference, if custody of her children is at stake. I just don't see this situation improving as a result of this move.
It's apparent that YOU cannot protect the children from her. And the intervention might make a difference, if custody of her children is at stake. I just don't see this situation improving as a result of this move.
Are the Grandparents aware of the children's precarious situation with their mother? They aware the mother is an Alcoholic?
Any chance they would be willing to take the kids or work with you on a custody arrangement?
CPS seems to be the way to go as Lexie suggests. These children can't be left alone with this woman.
Any chance they would be willing to take the kids or work with you on a custody arrangement?
CPS seems to be the way to go as Lexie suggests. These children can't be left alone with this woman.
Celi.....I join the others who encourage you to do the best thing for the children...to make them the priority......
The two of you are adults and can make your own decisions....But, in the end, the children will be the ones who suffer the most from the effects of the alcoholism..as their future lives are being affected by what happens in the now...
It looks like you are going to leave, from what you have shared....and, it sounds like you are taking her with you (from what you said)......
I bel ieve that you will be doing a lateral transfer---transferring your collective problems to a new geographic location.....
Changing locations won't change the alcoholism....in spite of what she says!
At the point when it DOES implode.....at least, have a plan for the children....
Find out your legal possibilities---don't just assume.
Let the grandparents know the children's bad situation....
Contact the child protective services who can take care of the children when you ever decide to exit the relationship....
It takes a village....and you are a very significant part of that village for these children.....
dandylion
The two of you are adults and can make your own decisions....But, in the end, the children will be the ones who suffer the most from the effects of the alcoholism..as their future lives are being affected by what happens in the now...
It looks like you are going to leave, from what you have shared....and, it sounds like you are taking her with you (from what you said)......
I bel ieve that you will be doing a lateral transfer---transferring your collective problems to a new geographic location.....
Changing locations won't change the alcoholism....in spite of what she says!
At the point when it DOES implode.....at least, have a plan for the children....
Find out your legal possibilities---don't just assume.
Let the grandparents know the children's bad situation....
Contact the child protective services who can take care of the children when you ever decide to exit the relationship....
It takes a village....and you are a very significant part of that village for these children.....
dandylion
The other aspect of reporting this to CPS is that if you did have to leave at some point, you might be in a position to continue to care for them. As the person who has had a role in their day-to-day lives, if there are no competent, fit family members who can care for them, it's conceivable you could obtain temporary custody. The law varies greatly from one state to another. This is why it's so important to get good legal advice.
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