LovelyKaya33333

I signed my lease today at my new place and everything felt so final. My ex AB was at our old home and my best friend and some movers that I hired got my belongings and brought them to my new place. I still have been 100% No Contact since Saturday and I am proud of myself for that. I can't help but think it isn't because I am strong that I have remained Non Contact but more that I feel so fragile that I would be heartbroken to hear anymore hurtful words and I never know if he is sober or drunk anyway... I need to give myself more credit I think. I have a hard time being in this much pain... I like my new apartment but it still doesn't feel like home... It feels like I am in a strangers home and it feels depressing... I don't know how to look at it as my fresh new home... I walked in today and all I thought was " This is where I will cry for the next few months "... I know it has only been a week since we broke up but I don't know how to get out of my funk... I miss the good parts of him tonight... Breakups with Active alcoholics feel like a total chaotic mess..I am still left shaky and hurt and confused... I am focused on me and my feelings more than the drama of his life now...which I admit feels a little bit better...I still am having a hard time eating and feel foggy in my brain from all of this ... I cried while my father held me today. I am 34 and felt like a little girl..but it felt like I could just cry and cry and cry... I had to work a really long day today and I just feel absent in my mind... anyway ...thank you all for being there for me so much this week...very appreciated

LeeJane

Sorry you are suffering right now, this is a lucky escape though. I know you don't think that at present. Be kind to yourself.

dandylion

LovelyKala.....I think that how you are feeling is pretty normal and expected at this time. You invested a huge part of your self into this relationship---in good faith and great expections---and, it did not come to p ass.
This kind ofpain and disolutionment is acute and overwhelming.....
I have been there, as well of so many others on this forum.....

given enough time and space, relief and healing will come about.....
Right now....just doing the next right thing and bringing as much self comfort to yourself ...an hour at a time, or a day at a time is about as much as you can do....

One advantage that you have is that you have the support of friends and family....Compassionate face to face support of other humans cannot be underestimated.....

Have faith....in time, you will have a new normal.....as hard as it is for you to realize that, right now.....

dandylion

Ariesagain

I'm so glad you have such great support...it reallyis priceless.

It just hasn't been very long, so it's not at all surprising that your emotions are all over the place. It will take some time...you're grieving and the stages are denial, anger, bargaining, grief, and acceptance, but it's not like it's linear. You will go back and forth, sometimes in five minutes.

But every day of NC heals more, it really does. As you so astutely point out, you would just get fresh hurt from the words he would hurl your way, or worse, IMO, you would get sucked back in with some manipulative charm tactic and be vulnerable all over again.

You said maybe you should give yoursef more credit. This, times a million.

Sending you a hug.

LexieCat

I'd re-frame your view of your new apartment. This isn't "where I will cry for the next few months," it's the place where you will heal for the next few months. There will be times when you will cry, of course, but you aren't going to be crying nonstop for months! As you fix it up to be a safe, welcoming, cozy nest for yourself, you will come to love it. And it's a place where you will grow and live--and live well--in the months (maybe years, who knows?) to come.

CentralOhioDad

^^^ I second this.

It's hard to think about your new place as a cozy home when there are boxes all over and things not put away and organized. We just moved into a new house in March, and we still aren't where we need to be. It doesn't quite feel 'it' yet, but it will once things are better organized.

You can do this, and we're here for you.

(((((HUGS)))))

COD

firebolt

You cry all you need to. You are going through something difficult and painful and grieving is healthy!

You get yourself unpacked - get it set up the way you like it - clean sheets, clean towels, maybe a bright new welcome mat.

I promise, a relatively short time from now, you are going to walk in and think 'this is where I will heal for the next few months.'

Then, it'll become your happy home. Just be kind to yourself, keep moving forward and doing the next right things. All you are feeling is normal, valid and will ease with time. Love and hugs to you - you deserve the great life that lies ahead!

LovelyKaya33333

I woke up feeling anxious ( which has been everyday this last week) I turn my computer on and came here and read everyone's replies and it helped ease that pit in my stomach Thank you all

atalose

Breakups are hard and while the relationship with the alcoholic was chaotic the ending will be a well.

It takes time to heal, if only it were as simple as moving to a new place, getting a new job, making new friends then all of what we are feeling will be resolved, it doesn’t work that way. We need to experience those emotions and as painful as they are we just have to ride em out.

Try keeping yourself busy, listen to music, go for a walk and explore your new surroundings. Reach out to friends to do stuff with.

Bekindalways

Big hug to you LK. Yep there will be ups and downs and it takes time. Keep posting and doing what you are doing.

FeelingGreat

You're doing fine LK, and crying is perfectly normal. I agree with Lexie that your apartment is a place of healing which can include a good cry, but also laughter and strength.
The only caveat is to prepare for the possibility that he might come knocking some day. From what you've said, I don't see this reconciliation lasting that long, and he's not stopped drinking.