Article: Is Your Life as Perfect as It Looks on FB?
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Article: Is Your Life as Perfect as It Looks on FB?
Is Your Life Really as Perfect as It Looks on Facebook?
This article came to me in my email today and I wanted to share it here. I don't use FB at all, myself. It's one of the mercies I've been granted!
But I do know most of the rest of the world does use it and does take it to be, in at least some measure, reality. While I've read of old friends reconnecting and other great stuff, it seems it also has the power to cause great pain.
There are any number of posts here in which a member is crushed b/c their A is on FB w/a new GF/BF/spouse and the A's life seems to be, indeed, PERFECT. And the member is crushed b/c clearly their A has turned into the person the member always knew he/she could be. The member bailed out too soon and feels stupid for this. Or the member feels that it has been confirmed that he/she was the reason his/her A drank, b/c look, the A moved on and now he/she is sober and doing GREAT!!
I hope this article sheds some light and maybe gives a better perspective.
This article came to me in my email today and I wanted to share it here. I don't use FB at all, myself. It's one of the mercies I've been granted!
But I do know most of the rest of the world does use it and does take it to be, in at least some measure, reality. While I've read of old friends reconnecting and other great stuff, it seems it also has the power to cause great pain.There are any number of posts here in which a member is crushed b/c their A is on FB w/a new GF/BF/spouse and the A's life seems to be, indeed, PERFECT. And the member is crushed b/c clearly their A has turned into the person the member always knew he/she could be. The member bailed out too soon and feels stupid for this. Or the member feels that it has been confirmed that he/she was the reason his/her A drank, b/c look, the A moved on and now he/she is sober and doing GREAT!!
I hope this article sheds some light and maybe gives a better perspective.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
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Great article. I was just thinking about this issue the other day b/c I posted some pics on a steamboat cruise I went on with my family. It was fun, and we saw some neat stuff. It was also overcrowded and hot. I did not post that part.
It seems like something small, but I have looked at some of my own posts and realized that I am guilty of doing this w/out even thinking about it. It's natural to want to remember the good, and not the bad. However, just like the article says, if we are honest and put our struggle out there, we would likely gain all sorts of support. Instead, we skip that part and just post the end result, without the struggling part.
I come here for support. I likely won't start airing my issues on FB anytime soon. I use FB as a sort of photo album and also to keep in touch with family and friends who I would not if we were not all on FB. However, this has made me think about how I portray my life b/c I want to be truthful and honest about where I am, both here and on FB.
Good stuff to think about.
It seems like something small, but I have looked at some of my own posts and realized that I am guilty of doing this w/out even thinking about it. It's natural to want to remember the good, and not the bad. However, just like the article says, if we are honest and put our struggle out there, we would likely gain all sorts of support. Instead, we skip that part and just post the end result, without the struggling part.
I come here for support. I likely won't start airing my issues on FB anytime soon. I use FB as a sort of photo album and also to keep in touch with family and friends who I would not if we were not all on FB. However, this has made me think about how I portray my life b/c I want to be truthful and honest about where I am, both here and on FB.
Good stuff to think about.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Central O-H-I-O
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My AW shows me some of the posts she puts on FB (I'm not a partaker in FB at all), and yes - she portrays our life as storybook, which it is not. She does say nice things about me on FB, which is opposite what she says to me at home.
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: northern california
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wow I was thinking that yesterday, in april 2012 I was thinking that and I stayed off FG for 4 years and 1 month, I got back on May of this year I think it is time for me to get away from FB for good.
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Join Date: Dec 2015
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Thanks for the article, Honeypig, Iīve often wondered why FB plays such a huge role in todayīs life. I donīt like to post much myself but I do find it useful to follow topics Iīm interested in, like animal welfare organizations, crafts, chefs who post their recipes, etc. Of course, I have a lot of "friends" who have never been friends in real life and itīs surreal to have their photos show up and find out they have a new hairdo/went out/are smiling the whole time, preferably in wonderful settings. Also, I really donīt need to know what everybody ate for lunch!
My kids are both very private and my ex husband has never had FB so itīs quite foreign to me to show our lives online. When I was with xabf I was surprised to find that he posted everything we did, for instance whenever we went to a restaurant he put it on his FB with mention of me. When we went on a short vacation he put up lots of photos, including some of me in my bikini, which made me feel exposed. I often asked him why he would show his private life so much (of course only the nice parts) and heīd say something along the lines of that it made him look good.
Iīm thinking it would be a great exercise to get off FB for a while, I wonder what would happen - canīt believe Iīm writing this, which goes to show how much we rely on the internet for a feeling of social interaction.
My kids are both very private and my ex husband has never had FB so itīs quite foreign to me to show our lives online. When I was with xabf I was surprised to find that he posted everything we did, for instance whenever we went to a restaurant he put it on his FB with mention of me. When we went on a short vacation he put up lots of photos, including some of me in my bikini, which made me feel exposed. I often asked him why he would show his private life so much (of course only the nice parts) and heīd say something along the lines of that it made him look good.
Iīm thinking it would be a great exercise to get off FB for a while, I wonder what would happen - canīt believe Iīm writing this, which goes to show how much we rely on the internet for a feeling of social interaction.
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Join Date: Nov 2014
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I got an email from a female I guess now ex friend of my exgf. She had my email from before when we are all friends but I had forgotten she even had it. About 4 months after our split I get this email that ask me why my ex unfriended her on FB.
I said I don't know we broke up (at that time) months ago.
She responded with....Ohhhhh I didn't know ya'll were split...that explains a lot.
I asked her to elaborate. She said she saw her post about men and failed relationships like canned excerpts from somewhere on the web. She said she commented on how she thought she had always said how she thought I was the best thing that ever happened to her. She used me by name.
Which apparently upset her new boyfriend that said in public that wasn't what he heard and apparently there was a FB exchange simply because the female had no clue what was going on and simply said the truth at the wrong time.
She was totally innocent and couldn't understand why she got unfriended. I said...simple......she forgot you knew about her life before and her new FB life just got cracked a little. You were simply disposed of.
She then went on to say that this made a lot of things she was reading on FB suddenly become clear.
She knew I wasn't a FB user so she never put 2 and 2 together to realize that her bf wasn't me. She said I just thought he was a friend like any other friend on FB.
She said that just before she got unfriended she saw that my ex had made a change to relationship status, but she was unfriended at the same time so she never got to explore that.
I said....you were a forgotten problem. She forgot was out there. Don't take it personally, you did nothing.
She said, man she was sure looking on FB like all was going GREAT with her.
I said...well maybe it is........but in reality she had been thrown out of the house, it was ugly and she didn't leave willingly. She asked when that was. I told her and she said...wait that guy was her BF before that on FB. I said....I don't doubt it. I'd have no way of knowing since I wasn't there.
She said......to me....That cheating lying b****.
I said....yep....and you became like all of her other friends.....history.
I said I don't know we broke up (at that time) months ago.
She responded with....Ohhhhh I didn't know ya'll were split...that explains a lot.
I asked her to elaborate. She said she saw her post about men and failed relationships like canned excerpts from somewhere on the web. She said she commented on how she thought she had always said how she thought I was the best thing that ever happened to her. She used me by name.
Which apparently upset her new boyfriend that said in public that wasn't what he heard and apparently there was a FB exchange simply because the female had no clue what was going on and simply said the truth at the wrong time.
She was totally innocent and couldn't understand why she got unfriended. I said...simple......she forgot you knew about her life before and her new FB life just got cracked a little. You were simply disposed of.
She then went on to say that this made a lot of things she was reading on FB suddenly become clear.
She knew I wasn't a FB user so she never put 2 and 2 together to realize that her bf wasn't me. She said I just thought he was a friend like any other friend on FB.
She said that just before she got unfriended she saw that my ex had made a change to relationship status, but she was unfriended at the same time so she never got to explore that.
I said....you were a forgotten problem. She forgot was out there. Don't take it personally, you did nothing.
She said, man she was sure looking on FB like all was going GREAT with her.
I said...well maybe it is........but in reality she had been thrown out of the house, it was ugly and she didn't leave willingly. She asked when that was. I told her and she said...wait that guy was her BF before that on FB. I said....I don't doubt it. I'd have no way of knowing since I wasn't there.
She said......to me....That cheating lying b****.
I said....yep....and you became like all of her other friends.....history.
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It seems social media (of the non recovery sort) often goes one of two ways - The perfect life mentioned in the article with no bumps in the road at all, or the flaming, shaming, no filter comments (especially to news feeds, community pages, etc.) where folks pass judgment on people and circumstances based on a headline or what they "think" may be going on. I worry about the impact that type of nonsense has on vulnerable people.
I'm comfortable enough in my not so perfect world to be okay with seeing the perfect pictures of perfect families living perfect lives. I have no tolerance though for public shaming and blaming and verbal poop.
I'm comfortable enough in my not so perfect world to be okay with seeing the perfect pictures of perfect families living perfect lives. I have no tolerance though for public shaming and blaming and verbal poop.
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 333
I have a facebook account, but I don't actively post things. Selfies, life updates, none of that goes on my account. At most, I'll post nature pictures (without people) of the weekly hikes I go on.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 516
I have such a hard time shaking FB. I don't post a lot but I definitely don't use it in a healthy way. I look up exes, people I knew from years ago etc and I often compare myself negatively to others on fb. I'm realising that it probably doesn't gel well with my recovery. I don't know why I have such a hard time just walking about from it though.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
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I use it regularly for business. I keep up with my competitors, I can get a lot of information off of it.
For the most part it entertains me. I have had some awesome political arguments on Fb. LOL. I don't understand people who post everyday sometimes multiple things. Mundane things. I don't understand people who play out their personal nightmares on FB. One of my friends wrote the story of her horrific divorce for a year everyday - the vile things they were both doing it was unbelievable! Sometimes I felt like popping pop corn and reading her posts.
I refer to it as Fake Book sometimes. Its a great PR tool. I know many ex-'s that have used it to make their Ex think they are having the time of their lives when they are really at home with 2 inch roots, and a bowl of ice cream wearing ripped sweats.
i didn't answer the question! I don't post anything fake. I also don't post things that upset me, or that are depressing. I guess that is kinda fake? I don't use it as a personal diary.
For the most part it entertains me. I have had some awesome political arguments on Fb. LOL. I don't understand people who post everyday sometimes multiple things. Mundane things. I don't understand people who play out their personal nightmares on FB. One of my friends wrote the story of her horrific divorce for a year everyday - the vile things they were both doing it was unbelievable! Sometimes I felt like popping pop corn and reading her posts.
I refer to it as Fake Book sometimes. Its a great PR tool. I know many ex-'s that have used it to make their Ex think they are having the time of their lives when they are really at home with 2 inch roots, and a bowl of ice cream wearing ripped sweats.
i didn't answer the question! I don't post anything fake. I also don't post things that upset me, or that are depressing. I guess that is kinda fake? I don't use it as a personal diary.
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The only problem I see with that article is that it seems to suggest we post all the problems, the drama, the fears IN PUBLIC, for everyone to read.
I agree that vulnerability should sometimes be shown--but JUDICIOUSLY. Frankly, I also don't care to hear about everyone's problems, any more than I care to hear about their "perfect" things. Share with a close friend, in private, your vulnerable side. Don't post it on FB.
That's my two cents. The ONLY time I go on FB, for the most part, is when my first husband has photos he's posted (we're good friends and they are generally nature pictures, and very beautiful, at that). I think it's a good idea for keeping in touch with friends/family that has become horribly twisted in practice.
Oh, and just to be clear, forums like this one are a different story. We're a support group, we all post our struggles and triumphs here, and most of us don't know each other IRL. Totally different story.
I agree that vulnerability should sometimes be shown--but JUDICIOUSLY. Frankly, I also don't care to hear about everyone's problems, any more than I care to hear about their "perfect" things. Share with a close friend, in private, your vulnerable side. Don't post it on FB.
That's my two cents. The ONLY time I go on FB, for the most part, is when my first husband has photos he's posted (we're good friends and they are generally nature pictures, and very beautiful, at that). I think it's a good idea for keeping in touch with friends/family that has become horribly twisted in practice.
Oh, and just to be clear, forums like this one are a different story. We're a support group, we all post our struggles and triumphs here, and most of us don't know each other IRL. Totally different story.
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