Have you been manipulated?
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 384
Have you been manipulated?
Sundays seem to be my weekly "bad days" where I reflect on hard truths while trying to stave off bargaining (yup, still cycling through the stages).
Today I made a list of phrases I used to say to AXBF all the time. I believe he used to silence me so that real issues were never really resolved and things could go on as usual. I want to post them in hopes it may help others identify that they may be being manipulated...
"Stop putting words in my mouth and thoughts in my head"
"You don't know me at all" -in response to him making assumptions about my motives or what I want. For instance he seemed to think I wanted him to clean the house when really what I wanted was a close connection, or a serious conversation about anything.
"I'm going insane"
"Stop deflecting"
"It's never a good time to talk"
"Nothing ever gets resolved"
"Stop changing the subject"
"It's your way or the highway"
"You're such a hypocrite"
"Put yourself in my shoes"
"Stop making promises, because every time you break them I trust you less"
"Actions speak louder than words"
"I feel like a piece of meat"
"There's no emotional connection"
"Why are you saying, 'no', to how I feel?"
"Listen to me, that is how I feel" - this was in response to a particularly disturbing argument we had towards the end. I was telling him how *I felt* and he kept talking over me, "NO, NO, NO, NO, that's not how I feel, that's not how I feel". It was strange and made my stomach drop at how dysfunctional it was.
No wonder I never felt heard!
Today I made a list of phrases I used to say to AXBF all the time. I believe he used to silence me so that real issues were never really resolved and things could go on as usual. I want to post them in hopes it may help others identify that they may be being manipulated...
"Stop putting words in my mouth and thoughts in my head"
"You don't know me at all" -in response to him making assumptions about my motives or what I want. For instance he seemed to think I wanted him to clean the house when really what I wanted was a close connection, or a serious conversation about anything.
"I'm going insane"
"Stop deflecting"
"It's never a good time to talk"
"Nothing ever gets resolved"
"Stop changing the subject"
"It's your way or the highway"
"You're such a hypocrite"
"Put yourself in my shoes"
"Stop making promises, because every time you break them I trust you less"
"Actions speak louder than words"
"I feel like a piece of meat"
"There's no emotional connection"
"Why are you saying, 'no', to how I feel?"
"Listen to me, that is how I feel" - this was in response to a particularly disturbing argument we had towards the end. I was telling him how *I felt* and he kept talking over me, "NO, NO, NO, NO, that's not how I feel, that's not how I feel". It was strange and made my stomach drop at how dysfunctional it was.
No wonder I never felt heard!
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: The Beach
Posts: 1,106
I was very much manipulated and emotionally blackmailed by my AXH
Any time I expressed a feeling about something he had said or done to upset me I was made out to be the bad guy for making HIM feel bad for having upset me....
His favourite thing to say( shout) during any important discussion about "us" was, " I'M NOT GOING TO PLAY THE BLAME GAME!!!" and then he would flee from the house slamming the sliding glass door behind him... to go hide in his shop (where he hid his bottles).. then he would leave, drive away drunk, without telling me where he was going because he knew I was petrified he would commit suicide. He knew what fear I lived in daily because of him threatening to kill himself. I would be so relieved to see him come home alive I'd jut give him the silent treatment instead of b!tching at him..... wash rinse repeat... what a beautiful cycle that was...
I don't miss that anxiety inducing chaos one bit.
I truly miss the man I married... but the man I divorced was nothing like my groom.
Any time I expressed a feeling about something he had said or done to upset me I was made out to be the bad guy for making HIM feel bad for having upset me....
His favourite thing to say( shout) during any important discussion about "us" was, " I'M NOT GOING TO PLAY THE BLAME GAME!!!" and then he would flee from the house slamming the sliding glass door behind him... to go hide in his shop (where he hid his bottles).. then he would leave, drive away drunk, without telling me where he was going because he knew I was petrified he would commit suicide. He knew what fear I lived in daily because of him threatening to kill himself. I would be so relieved to see him come home alive I'd jut give him the silent treatment instead of b!tching at him..... wash rinse repeat... what a beautiful cycle that was...
I don't miss that anxiety inducing chaos one bit.
I truly miss the man I married... but the man I divorced was nothing like my groom.
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 16
Originally Posted by SmallButMighty 
I truly miss the man I married... but the man I divorced was nothing like my groom.
Peace
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,388
"It is never a good time to talk."
It really there was not. At first he was only cranky , "Oh can't you see I had a rough day at work" or "Not now, I'm tired." Then it was, "You always have to start something, ALWAYS something." Then he would be getting meaner and meaner. Then when I would stop talking, he would be nice, then pick a fight.
So, why do not I miss that at all?
It really there was not. At first he was only cranky , "Oh can't you see I had a rough day at work" or "Not now, I'm tired." Then it was, "You always have to start something, ALWAYS something." Then he would be getting meaner and meaner. Then when I would stop talking, he would be nice, then pick a fight.
So, why do not I miss that at all?
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