Do you get texts or messages like this?
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Join Date: Jun 2016
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Do you get texts or messages like this?
Is this normal or is it alcoholic normal? These are the types of texts that my MIL will send my DH.
"There is nothing wrong with a mother and son being so close! I love you first name, middle name!!!!!" This one in particular was sent after she completely walked all over a boundary of mine and offended my DD.
Or "I love you sooooooooo much!!!!!" I just saw this recently on his phone. This was sent after she left the rehab facility early. It was either on her way to the airport there or sometime around before, I believe she got home.
Just curious if this is normal? Do you get these types of texts from your parents or send them to your kids? She is in her 60s and him in his 40s.
"There is nothing wrong with a mother and son being so close! I love you first name, middle name!!!!!" This one in particular was sent after she completely walked all over a boundary of mine and offended my DD.
Or "I love you sooooooooo much!!!!!" I just saw this recently on his phone. This was sent after she left the rehab facility early. It was either on her way to the airport there or sometime around before, I believe she got home.
Just curious if this is normal? Do you get these types of texts from your parents or send them to your kids? She is in her 60s and him in his 40s.
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No, I do not.
I do get texts from my mom that she loves me, esp if she knows I am struggling. It goes along the lines of, "I hope you have a good day, I love you." It sounds like she is trying to validate herself, in a very childish way.
It sounds like she is very childish and needy, which is quite common for an addict. My suggestion....and this is just my .02....is to back off. Who cares what she says to your husband? Either one of them will likely just stick up for the other. They are clearly in an codependent relationship, which will likely never be a healthy one, unless it ever gets so bad your husband wakes up. Even then, without education for himself, it's doubtful.
So, what do you gain by knowing about these types of texts? For myself, it would just pi$$ me off.
I know it's hard, but your clear focus should be on your own sanity, and the well being of your child. Your husband has told you what he thinks about his mom, and you are not likely going to change that, so don't waste the energy to try. Instead focus on what you can control.
You cannot control their actions, but you can control your own reactions.
Many hugs!
I do get texts from my mom that she loves me, esp if she knows I am struggling. It goes along the lines of, "I hope you have a good day, I love you." It sounds like she is trying to validate herself, in a very childish way.
It sounds like she is very childish and needy, which is quite common for an addict. My suggestion....and this is just my .02....is to back off. Who cares what she says to your husband? Either one of them will likely just stick up for the other. They are clearly in an codependent relationship, which will likely never be a healthy one, unless it ever gets so bad your husband wakes up. Even then, without education for himself, it's doubtful.
So, what do you gain by knowing about these types of texts? For myself, it would just pi$$ me off.
I know it's hard, but your clear focus should be on your own sanity, and the well being of your child. Your husband has told you what he thinks about his mom, and you are not likely going to change that, so don't waste the energy to try. Instead focus on what you can control.
You cannot control their actions, but you can control your own reactions.
Many hugs!
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Oh Lord-get out while you can with your sanity !!! (Read my threads to understand my point of view and background and experience with this). So icky. And nothing you can do about it. Sounds like a typical enmeshed inappropriate relationship all to common with many of the As here and their mothers. What can you do? Nothing. You can accept it and stay or walk away. Sounds like he and momma aren't ever going to change-so you may need to be the one that does.
Hugs and peace to you
Hugs and peace to you
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Honestly I don't care that much anymore. I have had it with her manipulation and guilt trips. But, I guess for a couple of reasons. I feel like these are a way of her making DH feel guilty for her feelings and will try to make him feel bad about not seeing DD.
And we are going to counseling. Want to see if these types of things are worth bringing up as showing the things she is doing to DH. Want to make sure it isn't normal before I would bring it up.
Pretty much that is it.
And we are going to counseling. Want to see if these types of things are worth bringing up as showing the things she is doing to DH. Want to make sure it isn't normal before I would bring it up.
Pretty much that is it.
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Originally Posted by Forourgirls 
Oh Lord-get out while you can with your sanity !!! (Read my threads to understand my point of view and background and experience with this). So icky. And nothing you can do about it. Sounds like a typical enmeshed inappropriate relationship all to common with many of the As here and their mothers. What can you do? Nothing. You can accept it and stay or walk away. Sounds like he and momma aren't ever going to change-so you may need to be the one that does.
Hugs and peace to you
Hugs and peace to you
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And we are going to counseling. Want to see if these types of things are worth bringing up as showing the things she is doing to DH. Want to make sure it isn't normal before I would bring it up.
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Originally Posted by atalose
My thoughts are, does your DH think this is normal? Do her text messages annoy him as much as they annoy you? What are his thoughts regarding them?
I have never seen anything like his from my parents. So they seem weird to me. And make some feel like she tries to remind him whenever I push back on her boundary stomping or disrespectful things to me or DD.
Last edited by PolkaDotFever; 06-17-2016 at 01:02 PM. Reason: Added something
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My family might send texts like this specially if there was something difficult going on. We don't but it wouldn't feel all that strange.
The situation sounds pretty rough as in-laws are difficult enough even sober. I hope you are doing everything you can to detach and take care of yourself and your daughter.
The situation sounds pretty rough as in-laws are difficult enough even sober. I hope you are doing everything you can to detach and take care of yourself and your daughter.
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I think that anything that you feel is significant is something to bring up in counseling. Normal or not normal it is still causing a reaction in you and sounds like it is really affecting your husband.
Things get so messy so fast don't they? Unfortunately we can not make people wake up and smell the coffee and we can't change how people act. It has taken me a loonnnngggg time to accept that the only thing I can do is control how I react to a situation. Sometimes I still don't get it right, but disengaging, detaching and taking a big step back and looking at the situation from a view point of does this affect me, can I change it, and what can I do to remedy MY reaction/feelings to the situation even though I can't do anything about the other person.
Things get so messy so fast don't they? Unfortunately we can not make people wake up and smell the coffee and we can't change how people act. It has taken me a loonnnngggg time to accept that the only thing I can do is control how I react to a situation. Sometimes I still don't get it right, but disengaging, detaching and taking a big step back and looking at the situation from a view point of does this affect me, can I change it, and what can I do to remedy MY reaction/feelings to the situation even though I can't do anything about the other person.
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PDF, from your threads it sounds like your H is aware this is OTT, but gets defensive if you say anything. As long as it doesn't impact you directly I think it would be wise to let him come to his own conclusions, while keeping an appropriate level of sanity when it comes to yourself and your daughter.
Your H is probably conflicted, and you could risk pushing him into himself if you directly criticise his mother. Try to take the middle way, and focus on the situation, not the woman herself.
Coming from a family that, while loving, wasn't great at showing emotion, I'm sure she would drive me crazy.
Your H is probably conflicted, and you could risk pushing him into himself if you directly criticise his mother. Try to take the middle way, and focus on the situation, not the woman herself.
Coming from a family that, while loving, wasn't great at showing emotion, I'm sure she would drive me crazy.
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IMO the texts are not normal. I do not get anything remotely like that from my mother. She will tell me she loves me or write it in a card now and then. I would never send texts like that to my adult children.
There are lots of ways to express love - not trying to imply there is only one right way - but the tone of those texts comes off as weird from a mother to a grown son.
There are lots of ways to express love - not trying to imply there is only one right way - but the tone of those texts comes off as weird from a mother to a grown son.
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When people are under the influence and got a good buzz happening it's not uncommon to become really "happy" and therefore become overtly affectionate. Alcohol takes away a person's control to inhibit impulses and can bring on an array of emotional instability.
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Originally Posted by alcoholics wife
When people are under the influence and got a good buzz happening it's not uncommon to become really "happy" and therefore become overtly affectionate. Alcohol takes away a person's control to inhibit impulses and can bring on an array of emotional instability.
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Agree with the "love" buzz!!
Years ago I had no idea how damaging this was to my kids. I had no idea what it was. Now I look back and I see nearly every night he would be buzzed and do this to my girls. I personally find it abusive, I wish I knew better and took my kids out of the house when he did this.
Another thing I regret, by not protecting my kids. Pdf, protect your daughter at all costs!!!
Years ago I had no idea how damaging this was to my kids. I had no idea what it was. Now I look back and I see nearly every night he would be buzzed and do this to my girls. I personally find it abusive, I wish I knew better and took my kids out of the house when he did this.
Another thing I regret, by not protecting my kids. Pdf, protect your daughter at all costs!!!
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Children that come from an alcoholic that shows affection when they are under the influence can be extremely confusing. Of course any child (even grown up) seeks the love and affection from a parent. Often times they have been conditioned to equate these drunken affections as love. My husband has an alcoholic father whom when drunk will send overtly affectionate text messages. This provides my husband (whom is also an alcoholic) a feeling of love from his father. They will exchange these love texts all night to each other while both are drunk and in a "feel good mood".
His mother on the other hand is cold and distant but not an addict. My husband has been conditioned to avoid mom and seek "love" although it may be unhealthy from dad. My husband is in his late 30's.
His mother on the other hand is cold and distant but not an addict. My husband has been conditioned to avoid mom and seek "love" although it may be unhealthy from dad. My husband is in his late 30's.
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