Feeling lonely
Baby Steps
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,689
Feeling lonely
So much running round my head right now I just need to get it all out!!
Bottom line though is that I feel lonely, I don't have a lot of friends 1 or 2 good ones but they have lives and family and I don't want to interrupt that. My loneliness seems worse at the weekends, when my friends are busy with their husbands, partners, young kids etc and I'm just spending time by myself. Last weekend I spent the day at the continental market which was lovely but again I was on my own. Think this is why I enjoy working at my other job although it's hard work I feel that I get on well with the staff and I actually feel as though I'm socialising, I know sad!! Or Maybe when I'm working at the weekends I don't have to think about how lonely I am and that I have no plans for a Saturday is whole weekend my phone was silent, no phone calls or text messages. Been thinking recently I'm not very well liked!!
I realised that I was feeling lonely when I went back on the dating site and as I was flicking through I thought I don't want this, I can't be bothered with this so why am I bothering with the hassle........because I don't want to be on my own. That's why I dated that last guy, I enjoyed the thought of someone wanting to be with me, texting me and thinking about me, even though I knew the relationship wasn't healthy. He rang me 4/5 weeks ago I didn't answer but did text him, he said he was lonely and sorry, I got the impression he was drunk, I asked what he was sorry for and I didn't hear from him until 2 weeks ago when he rang me at 1.45am, probably drunk. I didn't answer or text him and I haven't heard from him. I've even removed him from my Facebook!!
I've been thinking a lot about this recently and have been missing my stbxah, it would be our 19th wedding anniversary this month. When he wasn't binge drinking or coming up to an episode he was loving, he was my best friend for 18 years, he knew everything about me and I could tell him anything but now I haven't seen him in over a year & a half and we don't speak. While I am relieved I don't have to walk on eggshells anymore or live the way I did, I do miss him or is it the potential I miss or those parts of him that was loving and kind and caring.
I know I'm not healthy to date anyone, and I really don't want to, I've still so much to work on within myself yet I am lonely. I know I need to spend time by myself to learn who I am, what I like and don't like I suppose I don't know where to start with rebuilding my life.
My counsellor wants me to dig deep and find the person I was before I met my stbxah but she is long gone, but the little girl within me who wants to be loved and cherished is crying out, I can feel her, feel the pain. Does that make any sense?
My biggest fear is that I will never recover from my marriage and I will be damaged for the rest of my life and go from one u healthy relationship to another just out of fear of being alone. I am scared to be by myself, go places by myself, try new things.
Sorry I know this post is probably all over the place. Thank you for reading
Bottom line though is that I feel lonely, I don't have a lot of friends 1 or 2 good ones but they have lives and family and I don't want to interrupt that. My loneliness seems worse at the weekends, when my friends are busy with their husbands, partners, young kids etc and I'm just spending time by myself. Last weekend I spent the day at the continental market which was lovely but again I was on my own. Think this is why I enjoy working at my other job although it's hard work I feel that I get on well with the staff and I actually feel as though I'm socialising, I know sad!! Or Maybe when I'm working at the weekends I don't have to think about how lonely I am and that I have no plans for a Saturday is whole weekend my phone was silent, no phone calls or text messages. Been thinking recently I'm not very well liked!!
I realised that I was feeling lonely when I went back on the dating site and as I was flicking through I thought I don't want this, I can't be bothered with this so why am I bothering with the hassle........because I don't want to be on my own. That's why I dated that last guy, I enjoyed the thought of someone wanting to be with me, texting me and thinking about me, even though I knew the relationship wasn't healthy. He rang me 4/5 weeks ago I didn't answer but did text him, he said he was lonely and sorry, I got the impression he was drunk, I asked what he was sorry for and I didn't hear from him until 2 weeks ago when he rang me at 1.45am, probably drunk. I didn't answer or text him and I haven't heard from him. I've even removed him from my Facebook!!
I've been thinking a lot about this recently and have been missing my stbxah, it would be our 19th wedding anniversary this month. When he wasn't binge drinking or coming up to an episode he was loving, he was my best friend for 18 years, he knew everything about me and I could tell him anything but now I haven't seen him in over a year & a half and we don't speak. While I am relieved I don't have to walk on eggshells anymore or live the way I did, I do miss him or is it the potential I miss or those parts of him that was loving and kind and caring.
I know I'm not healthy to date anyone, and I really don't want to, I've still so much to work on within myself yet I am lonely. I know I need to spend time by myself to learn who I am, what I like and don't like I suppose I don't know where to start with rebuilding my life.
My counsellor wants me to dig deep and find the person I was before I met my stbxah but she is long gone, but the little girl within me who wants to be loved and cherished is crying out, I can feel her, feel the pain. Does that make any sense?
My biggest fear is that I will never recover from my marriage and I will be damaged for the rest of my life and go from one u healthy relationship to another just out of fear of being alone. I am scared to be by myself, go places by myself, try new things.
Sorry I know this post is probably all over the place. Thank you for reading
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Butterfly, I understand. Recently I realized I was no longer angry at XAH (not most of the time) and now that my wall of anger is down, I am feeling a flood of feelings. The past 2 days, I swear every memory of the 21 years we were together is just roaring out of my brain and assaulting my heart. I'm a mess. I'm crazy. I'm lonesome. I'm scared. Some part of my being is yelling "it wasn't that bad! Wouldn't you give anything to be sitting down to dinner together, to hear him breathing in the other room if you woke up in the night?" And part of me says yes, YES, I would give ANYTHING, my sanity, my life.
And thank god that I've got SR and Alanon, b/c I'm not going to act on any of that (well, unless crying is an action, b/c I've been crying and crying and crying some more...). I'm going to get dressed and go to my 6:30 meeting and hope I hear something that helps. And if I don't, I'm going to come home and read and/or post here and read some of my recovery books and maybe meditate or take the dogs for a walk. I will do whatever it takes not to go down that rathole again.
But oh, my god, it feels like my heart is breaking all over again and like I can't live thru this...
Butterfly, I wish both of us strength and clarity. My thoughts are with you.
And thank god that I've got SR and Alanon, b/c I'm not going to act on any of that (well, unless crying is an action, b/c I've been crying and crying and crying some more...). I'm going to get dressed and go to my 6:30 meeting and hope I hear something that helps. And if I don't, I'm going to come home and read and/or post here and read some of my recovery books and maybe meditate or take the dogs for a walk. I will do whatever it takes not to go down that rathole again.
But oh, my god, it feels like my heart is breaking all over again and like I can't live thru this...
Butterfly, I wish both of us strength and clarity. My thoughts are with you.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 157
Butterfly, I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. But I wanted to let you know that I understand completely and have been going through this myself. Do you think you could get involved in some new interests or activities that would allow you to meet others who share similar interests? I'm not sure if they have meetup in the UK, but I joined a local single parents meetup group that seems amazing. I haven't yet gone to an event (supposed to go next weekend), but they are doing stuff all the time, ranging from happy hours, to game nights at someone's house, to bbqs and hikes/camping trips. I've found that even if I know I have the option to be social, it makes me feel better. I've read loneliness is an essential part of the healing process and it's also okay to just feel it, but do remember, you won't feel this way forever! Hugs!
Baby Steps
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,689
Honeypig I am so sorry you are feeling this way, it's horrible. Like you I won't reach out to my stbxah I won't go there again!! It's good that your actively working on yourself and refusing to let this keep you down. Sometimes I think that by going to alanon, I haven't been in months, or reading keeps me focused on the negatives and my stbxah. ((((((Hugs))))))
Thanks jada, I've never heard of meet up but I will check it out thank you.
Thanks jada, I've never heard of meet up but I will check it out thank you.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Butterfly, Meetups might be a good option for you. I have attended some Meetups get-togethers and enjoyed them. When I first became aware of Meetups, it seemed to really be people who wanted to get together and do things. Now I'm seeing a lot of "groups" that are thinly veiled marketing ploys, e.g. "Essential Oil Group"--explore the properties and uses of essential oils, etc., and it's put on by someone who sells Young Living oils or the like.
Just make sure the group is really a group and not trying to sell you anything and you'll probably have a good time!
Sometimes just typing in an activity you enjoy and then your location will give you good results. I found a local hiking group that way.
You may be able to volunteer to fill some time and meet people, too. Do you like animals? Local shelters always need help. Food pantries, gardening groups, CSAs--if you check into volunteering, you will likely find opportunities you never imagined.
And just a quick suggestion regarding your comment that Alanon made you focus more on STBAXH--that is emphatically not how Alanon is supposed to work. If the group you'd been attending was focused on negatives and on talking about people's A's, I'd recommend finding a new group. I know I always wanted to attend the meeting that was closest to me, at the most convenient time, but I've learned that it's more important to go to the best meeting, even if I'd rather not drive that far or go at that time.
Hope you find a way to connect and feel less alone!
Just make sure the group is really a group and not trying to sell you anything and you'll probably have a good time!
Sometimes just typing in an activity you enjoy and then your location will give you good results. I found a local hiking group that way.
You may be able to volunteer to fill some time and meet people, too. Do you like animals? Local shelters always need help. Food pantries, gardening groups, CSAs--if you check into volunteering, you will likely find opportunities you never imagined.
And just a quick suggestion regarding your comment that Alanon made you focus more on STBAXH--that is emphatically not how Alanon is supposed to work. If the group you'd been attending was focused on negatives and on talking about people's A's, I'd recommend finding a new group. I know I always wanted to attend the meeting that was closest to me, at the most convenient time, but I've learned that it's more important to go to the best meeting, even if I'd rather not drive that far or go at that time.
Hope you find a way to connect and feel less alone!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 2,393
Butterfly, I feel for you. I remember the loneliness after my divorce. It's excruciating. Please don't isolate too much. I can't remember, do you have a dog? My Golden Retriever and Yellow Lab got me through my darkest hours with their companionship and unconditional love. They were the ones who helped me get out of the house and into the sunshine or snow and enjoy nature and be around others. I'm thinking of you.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Hi Butterfly.
I know what you mean. I isolate sometimes as well. Last night I went back to Celebrate Recovery for the first time in a really long time. It reminded me of why I went in the first place. I have a lot of friends there, and it just felt like home.
I am also reaching out to a new group at the church I go to CR. It's a Friday night group. I don't know many people there, but that's the point. It's just to hang out with other people and have fun. It's called Fellowship Friday or something like that. I am hoping to meet some new people there as well.
I get into my little bubble and have to force myself out of my comfort zone. I just started a bible study with a fairly new pastor at my church. I reached out to him b/c he is kind and I trusted him immediately, you can just tell he is such a good man. That is really helping me. It's just us two, which I thought might be odd at first, but it's not. It's sort of like a counseling/bible study all in one session, and it's been great.
My point here is that when you are feeling lonely, I think you have to force yourself out of your comfort zone and do things you have not done before. I like the MeetUP idea. They don't have many in my area, or like it was said above, the ones they do have are trying to sell you something.
Volunteering is a great way to meet new people as well. We just recently did Feed My Starving Children which was really fun, and good to do with my kids. There were some people there who joined our team that we did not know, we had a blast. I think you should reach out to your community. Put yourself out there. We know you Butterfly, and we know there is a lot to love about you!
Many hugs!
I know what you mean. I isolate sometimes as well. Last night I went back to Celebrate Recovery for the first time in a really long time. It reminded me of why I went in the first place. I have a lot of friends there, and it just felt like home.
I am also reaching out to a new group at the church I go to CR. It's a Friday night group. I don't know many people there, but that's the point. It's just to hang out with other people and have fun. It's called Fellowship Friday or something like that. I am hoping to meet some new people there as well.
I get into my little bubble and have to force myself out of my comfort zone. I just started a bible study with a fairly new pastor at my church. I reached out to him b/c he is kind and I trusted him immediately, you can just tell he is such a good man. That is really helping me. It's just us two, which I thought might be odd at first, but it's not. It's sort of like a counseling/bible study all in one session, and it's been great.
My point here is that when you are feeling lonely, I think you have to force yourself out of your comfort zone and do things you have not done before. I like the MeetUP idea. They don't have many in my area, or like it was said above, the ones they do have are trying to sell you something.
Volunteering is a great way to meet new people as well. We just recently did Feed My Starving Children which was really fun, and good to do with my kids. There were some people there who joined our team that we did not know, we had a blast. I think you should reach out to your community. Put yourself out there. We know you Butterfly, and we know there is a lot to love about you!
Many hugs!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,349
I know that feeling and you are smart to hold back on getting into a new relationship. Everyone's suggestions were helpful. I found that taking a painting class or going to yoga were good for my soul.
Al Anon, especially after I ended my relationship with my XAH was super important to me. I needed it more after than I did during the marriage. A friend in program once reminded me that nothing is permanent or 'forever' and that gave me hope to keep pressing forward as life was changing and swirling about me. Hugs to you!
Al Anon, especially after I ended my relationship with my XAH was super important to me. I needed it more after than I did during the marriage. A friend in program once reminded me that nothing is permanent or 'forever' and that gave me hope to keep pressing forward as life was changing and swirling about me. Hugs to you!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Butterfly, making "new" friends does take a bit of proactive work.....
baby steps....that might feel a bit concocted, at first....but, that goes away....
For example....maybe, invite a small number of people over to your house on a Saturday night....have simple snacks and play board games or cards....
Or, a couple of women acquaintences to do some craft project together....
Or, take a belly dancing class, and invite someone from the class to go for coffee or drinks with you, after....
go to a meet-up group on Saturday nights....if you have them in your country....
I believe that making an actual goal to grow a circle of new female acquaintences around you would be a wonderful thing.....
Believe me, your female friends will be the ones that will be there when the winds blow cold.....
Acquaintences become new friends....and, new friends, over time, become old friends......Old friends are the best antidote to loneliness (in addition to pets, of course...lol)
dandylion
baby steps....that might feel a bit concocted, at first....but, that goes away....
For example....maybe, invite a small number of people over to your house on a Saturday night....have simple snacks and play board games or cards....
Or, a couple of women acquaintences to do some craft project together....
Or, take a belly dancing class, and invite someone from the class to go for coffee or drinks with you, after....
go to a meet-up group on Saturday nights....if you have them in your country....
I believe that making an actual goal to grow a circle of new female acquaintences around you would be a wonderful thing.....
Believe me, your female friends will be the ones that will be there when the winds blow cold.....
Acquaintences become new friends....and, new friends, over time, become old friends......Old friends are the best antidote to loneliness (in addition to pets, of course...lol)
dandylion
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
Butterfly, as you can see many of us feel this way, you are not alone.
I have really been reaching out to volunteer and service work. I work our community meals program at church, feeding the poor. Our Church had their spring fair and dinner that I donated my time. It is really nice when you are working that no one notices that you are "alone". But this way you still can enjoy the events. Contact your city or shelters as they are always looking for volunteers and they are "so" grateful. Its gets me out of feeling sorry for myself and then I meet people. It makes me feel good as I am giving back to people who are less fortunate then myself. I truly get more out of it then the people I am helping. I stay busy and people appreciate it.
Sending hugs my friend, we are your friend!!
I have really been reaching out to volunteer and service work. I work our community meals program at church, feeding the poor. Our Church had their spring fair and dinner that I donated my time. It is really nice when you are working that no one notices that you are "alone". But this way you still can enjoy the events. Contact your city or shelters as they are always looking for volunteers and they are "so" grateful. Its gets me out of feeling sorry for myself and then I meet people. It makes me feel good as I am giving back to people who are less fortunate then myself. I truly get more out of it then the people I am helping. I stay busy and people appreciate it.
Sending hugs my friend, we are your friend!!
Baby Steps
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,689
Thank you everyone for your replies, support and love, it really means so much to me!!
I think part of my problem is I don't know what I like to do, I haven't had any interests in so long but I guess reaching out into the unknown will help me rediscover myself!!
I would love to volunteer, I use to many years ago when I was at university but with working 2 jobs it's difficult to find the time.
I also feel guilty if I'm out of the house too much away from the kids, I know they're 18 and 22 but DS doesn't go out much and I don't want him to think I'm abandoning him like his father did, by working then going out. I guess I need to work on my feelings of guilt as well.
I do have a dog, buffy my gorgeous Bassett hound and I do take her for walks, she is so funny and I love her to bits
)
I think I am scared that I won't meet new friends that people won't like me, I'm hard work lol
I think part of my problem is I don't know what I like to do, I haven't had any interests in so long but I guess reaching out into the unknown will help me rediscover myself!!
I would love to volunteer, I use to many years ago when I was at university but with working 2 jobs it's difficult to find the time.
I also feel guilty if I'm out of the house too much away from the kids, I know they're 18 and 22 but DS doesn't go out much and I don't want him to think I'm abandoning him like his father did, by working then going out. I guess I need to work on my feelings of guilt as well.
I do have a dog, buffy my gorgeous Bassett hound and I do take her for walks, she is so funny and I love her to bits
)I think I am scared that I won't meet new friends that people won't like me, I'm hard work lol
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: USA
Posts: 202
Hi butterfly,
Wow - that is exactly how I feel about my ex. Before she started drinking, she was my best friend and soulmate.
She starting drinking and it felt like she lost sight of how I felt about her.
She got sober for a few months and the real her returned. She was my best friend and soulmate again.
Unfortunately she then started drinking again, and I have not seen the real her now for about 18 months. She has ignored almost every phone call or message I have sent her over the last 18 months.
It hurts like hell.
I miss what could have been.
If not for the alcohol, I have no doubt we would now be married and starting a family. Instead I now live on my own, and she is back living with her parents who are trying to help her get sober.
All that was thrown away for the sake of "the next drink". It is truly a tragedy. We both wanted to start a family, and unless she gets her stuff together, that is never going to happen.
That's exactly how I feel. It would not be fair of me to date anyone when I still love my ex. So I choose to be single, and just hope that at some point my ex will wake up and see what she has thrown away.
I feel the same way.
I met the woman I had been waiting all my life for, fell in love with her and she fell in love with me, then alcohol hijacked her brain and because I tried to get her help, she now she sees me as her mortal enemy.
Originally Posted by Butterfly 
I've been thinking a lot about this recently and have been missing my stbxah, it would be our 19th wedding anniversary this month. When he wasn't binge drinking or coming up to an episode he was loving, he was my best friend for 18 years, he knew everything about me and I could tell him anything but now I haven't seen him in over a year & a half and we don't speak. While I am relieved I don't have to walk on eggshells anymore or live the way I did, I do miss him or is it the potential I miss or those parts of him that was loving and kind and caring.
She starting drinking and it felt like she lost sight of how I felt about her.
She got sober for a few months and the real her returned. She was my best friend and soulmate again.
Unfortunately she then started drinking again, and I have not seen the real her now for about 18 months. She has ignored almost every phone call or message I have sent her over the last 18 months.
It hurts like hell.
I miss what could have been.
If not for the alcohol, I have no doubt we would now be married and starting a family. Instead I now live on my own, and she is back living with her parents who are trying to help her get sober.
All that was thrown away for the sake of "the next drink". It is truly a tragedy. We both wanted to start a family, and unless she gets her stuff together, that is never going to happen.
Originally Posted by Butterfly
I know I'm not healthy to date anyone, and I really don't want to, I've still so much to work on within myself yet I am lonely.
Originally Posted by Butterfly
My biggest fear is that I will never recover from my marriage and I will be damaged for the rest of my life
I met the woman I had been waiting all my life for, fell in love with her and she fell in love with me, then alcohol hijacked her brain and because I tried to get her help, she now she sees me as her mortal enemy.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: USA
Posts: 202
Originally Posted by honeypig
Recently I realized I was no longer angry at XAH (not most of the time) and now that my wall of anger is down, I am feeling a flood of feelings. The past 2 days, I swear every memory of the 21 years we were together is just roaring out of my brain and assaulting my heart. I'm a mess. I'm crazy. I'm lonesome. I'm scared. Some part of my being is yelling "it wasn't that bad! Wouldn't you give anything to be sitting down to dinner together, to hear him breathing in the other room if you woke up in the night?" And part of me says yes, YES, I would give ANYTHING, my sanity, my life.
But oh, my god, it feels like my heart is breaking all over again
But oh, my god, it feels like my heart is breaking all over again
Worst of all I got a message from a friend of my ex the other day telling me that my ex still blames me for everything, and that my ex just gets angry any time my name is mentioned.
All I did was try to get my ex to accept treatment, and she ended our relationship because of that. Apparently trying to get help for someone you love is such a horrendous thing to do that it is justification for destroying a relationship.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
I do have a dog, buffy my gorgeous Bassett hound and I do take her for walks, she is so funny and I love her to bits )
Dogs are about the best thing in the world.
Baby Steps
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,689
Honeypig they truly are the most wonderful friends!
Timetohealguy I am so sorry for what you have gone through. I learned that the only way my stbxah will stop blaming me and everyone else is to become sober and engage in a programme to stay sober. He was brilliant at making me believe the issue was me, not him, they are very skilled at this.
All you can do is hand them over to God and focus on you and your own recovery, what are you doing to help you recover from what you've been through? ((((Hugs))))
Timetohealguy I am so sorry for what you have gone through. I learned that the only way my stbxah will stop blaming me and everyone else is to become sober and engage in a programme to stay sober. He was brilliant at making me believe the issue was me, not him, they are very skilled at this.
All you can do is hand them over to God and focus on you and your own recovery, what are you doing to help you recover from what you've been through? ((((Hugs))))
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: New York
Posts: 105
Originally Posted by honeypig
Butterfly, I understand. Recently I realized I was no longer angry at XAH (not most of the time) and now that my wall of anger is down, I am feeling a flood of feelings. The past 2 days, I swear every memory of the 21 years we were together is just roaring out of my brain and assaulting my heart. I'm a mess. I'm crazy. I'm lonesome. I'm scared. Some part of my being is yelling "it wasn't that bad! Wouldn't you give anything to be sitting down to dinner together, to hear him breathing in the other room if you woke up in the night?" And part of me says yes, YES, I would give ANYTHING, my sanity, my life.
And thank god that I've got SR and Alanon, b/c I'm not going to act on any of that (well, unless crying is an action, b/c I've been crying and crying and crying some more...). I'm going to get dressed and go to my 6:30 meeting and hope I hear something that helps. And if I don't, I'm going to come home and read and/or post here and read some of my recovery books and maybe meditate or take the dogs for a walk. I will do whatever it takes not to go down that rathole again.
But oh, my god, it feels like my heart is breaking all over again and like I can't live thru this...
Butterfly, I wish both of us strength and clarity. My thoughts are with you.
And thank god that I've got SR and Alanon, b/c I'm not going to act on any of that (well, unless crying is an action, b/c I've been crying and crying and crying some more...). I'm going to get dressed and go to my 6:30 meeting and hope I hear something that helps. And if I don't, I'm going to come home and read and/or post here and read some of my recovery books and maybe meditate or take the dogs for a walk. I will do whatever it takes not to go down that rathole again.
But oh, my god, it feels like my heart is breaking all over again and like I can't live thru this...
Butterfly, I wish both of us strength and clarity. My thoughts are with you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: New York
Posts: 105
Originally Posted by timetohealguy
We both wanted to start a family, and unless she gets her stuff together, that is never going to happen.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Central O-H-I-O
Posts: 1,689
I've lived most of my (too long) life ruminating on the 'what-ifs' - and that got me nowhere. I'm slowly trying to convert myself to the 'what IS' instead. I need more practice, but when I am successful, it helps the day go much more smoothly
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 251
Originally Posted by Butterfly
I've been thinking a lot about this recently and have been missing my stbxah, it would be our 19th wedding anniversary this month. When he wasn't binge drinking or coming up to an episode he was loving, he was my best friend for 18 years, he knew everything about me and I could tell him anything but now I haven't seen him in over a year & a half and we don't speak. While I am relieved I don't have to walk on eggshells anymore or live the way I did, I do miss him or is it the potential I miss or those parts of him that was loving and kind and caring.
I can totally relate to this. Thank you for posting. I actually cried while reading this..I too miss my AH. I miss him holding me...hugging me, telling me how pretty I was..what a good woman I was.. but I too had to walk on egg shells...tried not to do/say anything to upset him...but I know now that there wasn't anything I could do or wasn't doing...
at least you are reaching out to others...put one foot in front of the other...hugs to you
SadInTX
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