Contact during rehab
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
PD, I'm a newish grandmother (less than a year) who adores her granddaughter. I have some self-imposed rules that I feel are respectful, if you're interested. Even if you get on well with your DIL, as I do, I feel GMs have to keep a certain distance and not make assumptions.
1. I don't come around unannounced. I alway phone, and usually give some notice.
2. I don't stay too long. My DIL wouldn't be impolite enough to kick me out, but every family has other things to do besides attend to me.
3. I try very hard not to give advice unless my DIL raises it as a discussion.
4. I make sure I tell my DIL what a fantastic mother she is. Mums get so much input from everywhere that they sometimes doubt their own judgement.
5. I try to take around something for them to eat occasionally.
My DIL is respectful of me, so it's mutual.
I would say to you, give ground on the small things, like a phone call and keep your reserves for important things. Build up some good will where you can, and you'll have more influence where it's important.
Here's a suggestion: get your DD to do a painting for GM. Then she can show her the painting on the call (assume it's Skype). GM and your H will be pleased, and the short time can be spent talking about the painting rather than getting too heavy.
The idea is, if you feel something will be too much for DD, find a way to work around it, like an alternative suggestion that still gives them time together.
1. I don't come around unannounced. I alway phone, and usually give some notice.
2. I don't stay too long. My DIL wouldn't be impolite enough to kick me out, but every family has other things to do besides attend to me.
3. I try very hard not to give advice unless my DIL raises it as a discussion.
4. I make sure I tell my DIL what a fantastic mother she is. Mums get so much input from everywhere that they sometimes doubt their own judgement.
5. I try to take around something for them to eat occasionally.
My DIL is respectful of me, so it's mutual.
I would say to you, give ground on the small things, like a phone call and keep your reserves for important things. Build up some good will where you can, and you'll have more influence where it's important.
Here's a suggestion: get your DD to do a painting for GM. Then she can show her the painting on the call (assume it's Skype). GM and your H will be pleased, and the short time can be spent talking about the painting rather than getting too heavy.
The idea is, if you feel something will be too much for DD, find a way to work around it, like an alternative suggestion that still gives them time together.
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 18
FG: thank you for the suggestions. Great idea and appreciate the input. No from my understanding it is not Skype just a phone call. Our daughter doesn't like talking on the phone as I am sure most kids don't.
It is great that you do these things for your DIL. How nice and thoughtful of you. My MIL never has for me. She does bring food occasionally for my husband and daughter!
And yes I am trying. I have been giving on a lot of things but it is never enough and keep wanting more and more. Pushing my boundaries further. I need to be better about establishing boundaries and consequences. And adhering to what DD has said/requested.
Your ideas have me thinking. Thank you n
It is great that you do these things for your DIL. How nice and thoughtful of you. My MIL never has for me. She does bring food occasionally for my husband and daughter!
And yes I am trying. I have been giving on a lot of things but it is never enough and keep wanting more and more. Pushing my boundaries further. I need to be better about establishing boundaries and consequences. And adhering to what DD has said/requested.
Your ideas have me thinking. Thank you n
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