Waiting to Move!
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 114
Waiting to Move!
I finally made the decision to get out permanently. I have rented a condo for July 1 but can likely start moving in the 20th of June. I am in my house sleeping in the spare room. I am relieved I have finally made the decision but yet this period is so hard. I am heart broken it has come to this. Cannot believe my impending move has not made my AH attempt to change. I know you all are not shocked but I guess I still had that small hope a miracle would happen. My son who is going to college in September has made the decision to keep the acreage as his home base. I am sad but totally understand. I guess I am looking for some thoughts on how to mentally get through these next few weeks? It's almost like everyone is pretending it's not happening yet it is. I have not started packing as I don't want to rock the boat so to speak. Part of me keeps hoping this is a dream and the other part of me is so looking forward to peace and my own space. Thanks all for listening.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
I know you all are not shocked but I guess I still had that small hope a miracle would happen.
Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if he "sees the light" the closer you get to moving day. Mine did - and I never thought he would in a million years. Then he saw the light again after I was out. I fell for it that time too. He is still drinking as far as I know - and I have PEACE!
Detatch is my only suggestion - now more than ever. The next few weeks could be HARD - but so, so worth it.
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Join Date: May 2016
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 179
I got out July 2014. I let him back in May 2015. The May 15 move-in was supposed to be temporary. Things have not changed.
Be strong and move forward. I miss being single and am working quickly to get back to that place. Was it lonely, YES. But in comparison, being in this relationship is much lonelier. It will be hard at first, but I have faith that you will manage.
Wishing you luck sista.
Be strong and move forward. I miss being single and am working quickly to get back to that place. Was it lonely, YES. But in comparison, being in this relationship is much lonelier. It will be hard at first, but I have faith that you will manage.
Wishing you luck sista.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
The loneliness is temporary!
If you are anything like me - 90 days of no contact changed my world in unimaginable ways....so much so that I meet nice guys, and have a hard time imagining letting any of them into my life enough to take up any of my ME time.
My hobbies, friends and family fill my days, and I am not ready for it to be any other way.
If you are anything like me - 90 days of no contact changed my world in unimaginable ways....so much so that I meet nice guys, and have a hard time imagining letting any of them into my life enough to take up any of my ME time.
My hobbies, friends and family fill my days, and I am not ready for it to be any other way.
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 430
Tigerlily,
Have you tried meditating or other strategies (walking, jogging, exercising, books on tape) for calming your mind? I moved out 6 months ago and recall that anxious feeling well. But, as others have said, once you do it and actually move on, well, finally, you can move on.
(Also, is it possible to move up the move-in date? Maybe waiting another month is unnecessary, and it seems like sooner would be better for your peace of mind.)
Have you tried meditating or other strategies (walking, jogging, exercising, books on tape) for calming your mind? I moved out 6 months ago and recall that anxious feeling well. But, as others have said, once you do it and actually move on, well, finally, you can move on.
(Also, is it possible to move up the move-in date? Maybe waiting another month is unnecessary, and it seems like sooner would be better for your peace of mind.)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 114
Thanks so much to each of you for your suggestions and support. I am unable to move into my condo any sooner then the 20th sadly. I would prefer to move in tomorrow if I could. I do meditate but not as often as I should. Seems like the mores stressed I am the less I meditate. I need to focus more on some self care activities. Its just the weirdest feeling to be here in this house we spent so much time building knowing its soon not going to be my home. I know that so many of you have said once you get out and on your own away from the alcoholic and chaos how much better you feel. In some ways it can not come fast enough. In other ways its just so painful to think of this life of 16 years being over. The other tough part is that I cannot go no contact. My AH owns his own business that I do all the computer book work for. I will need his financial support for awhile so we will need to continue to help each other out until financial things can be settled on a permanent basis. I am just hoping that I am able to move out without another major crisis where I have to leave and go stay in a hotel or elsewhere. Thanks again for all of your words of support.
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 430
Hi Tigerlily1,
I had another idea for you: when I was getting ready to move out, first I did a major purge of my stuff. Partially that was because I was downsizing considerably, but also it just felt good to get rid of all the stuff I don't want or need, and to give it to someone who does. I don't miss any of it now. You might find that's a good therapeutic exercise in preparation for your next chapter, too.
I had another idea for you: when I was getting ready to move out, first I did a major purge of my stuff. Partially that was because I was downsizing considerably, but also it just felt good to get rid of all the stuff I don't want or need, and to give it to someone who does. I don't miss any of it now. You might find that's a good therapeutic exercise in preparation for your next chapter, too.
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 114
Sauerkraut
I really like the idea of purging. I am also downsizing majorly moving into this condo. Figuring out where to put stuff is going to be tough. It's easy going into a bigger space but downsizing not so much Thanks for thinking of me and the great suggestion. I am going to get started today.
I really like the idea of purging. I am also downsizing majorly moving into this condo. Figuring out where to put stuff is going to be tough. It's easy going into a bigger space but downsizing not so much Thanks for thinking of me and the great suggestion. I am going to get started today.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
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Originally Posted by dandylion 
tigerlily.....I can remember watching the movie, "Titanic".....and I kept hoping that somehow, the boat wouldn't sink!
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