Intimacy vs sex
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Join Date: Mar 2016
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
I recently had someone tell me that making love is what happens all day long. The glances and touches and loving words and shared moments and caring actions. Banging is the sex part. Banging is way more awesome if you've been making love all day long.
I thought it was a great way to think about it.
For me - if the days and years are filled with hurt, anxiety, mistrust, thoughtlessness, uncertainty, resentment, and self-hate which is where I eventually got - the banging was one more thing that slowly destroyed me. It had turned into one of the most traumatic parts of my life - as if not just my body but my very soul was being chipped off and bartered...and I'd hand it over because I didn't have the boundaries to honor it.
I thought it was a great way to think about it.
For me - if the days and years are filled with hurt, anxiety, mistrust, thoughtlessness, uncertainty, resentment, and self-hate which is where I eventually got - the banging was one more thing that slowly destroyed me. It had turned into one of the most traumatic parts of my life - as if not just my body but my very soul was being chipped off and bartered...and I'd hand it over because I didn't have the boundaries to honor it.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,388
I think that intimacy and sex have one thing in common . . . vulnerability. In both you risk being hurt because you have to open up and let other person enter your domain. What counts is how that other person acts after.
It is strange that in a way I feel abandoned by my ex although I was the one who filed for divorce. My ex was not interested in sex at all, to the point that I find it very very strange. And the word that could describe my sex experience is "Boring!" Intimacy? If by intimacy you mean revealing my deepest secrets, only to get those thrown back into my face, I guess we were quite intimate.
You cannot have intimacy with an active alcoholic. Period. Sex is of course possible, but impotence is inevitable as the disease progresses, and then you will face jealousy, cheating accusations, and it will be your fault again, just like you are always blamed for everything.
It is strange that in a way I feel abandoned by my ex although I was the one who filed for divorce. My ex was not interested in sex at all, to the point that I find it very very strange. And the word that could describe my sex experience is "Boring!" Intimacy? If by intimacy you mean revealing my deepest secrets, only to get those thrown back into my face, I guess we were quite intimate.
You cannot have intimacy with an active alcoholic. Period. Sex is of course possible, but impotence is inevitable as the disease progresses, and then you will face jealousy, cheating accusations, and it will be your fault again, just like you are always blamed for everything.
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Midwest
Posts: 367
For me - if the days and years are filled with hurt, anxiety, mistrust, thoughtlessness, uncertainty, resentment, and self-hate which is where I eventually got - the banging was one more thing that slowly destroyed me. It had turned into one of the most traumatic parts of my life - as if not just my body but my very soul was being chipped off and bartered...and I'd hand it over because I didn't have the boundaries to honor it.
Oh my. This. So much this.
Oh my. This. So much this.
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