Originally Posted by LexieCat

Good to hear. Just remember that alcoholism is progressive, and the time may come where things change. I won't project my own feelings onto you, but it became very depressing for me to watch someone I cared about literally drinking himself to death. Just keep checking in with yourself, and there's no dishonor or failure if you decide you don't want to spend the rest of your life living with an active drunk.

OTOH, having been sober for a good stretch, maybe he'll decide to end the "experiment" before too long. We can hope so.

Hugs,

Originally Posted by LeeJane

Wanted to post an update. So AH back into his daily drinking now for a couple weeks.

As this post is about me not him, I want to write how it has affected me. (I am a Al-anoner)

So at first, there was disruption and fuss. I stepped away from this. He wanted me to listen to him justify and rationalise him returning to drinking. I am obviously detached and will not get involved with wasting my time with that. He tried to bait fights too, again to justify his picking up. I took no notice.

He was also looking for me to make him feel it was ok to drink again. I didn't get involved in that either. I also stayed well clear the rapid mood swings he went through. Seeking to blame someone (me most likely!) for his decision to drink.

I am actually very pleased with how I have handled all this. Totally left it all on his shoulders and went about my own business. Didn't cancel or change my usual routine because of his drinking.

In himself now he is calm and his brain checked out and wrapped in his cotton wool world of denial. In a nutshell he is back to where he was before he did his 10ish month quit.

Been a big journey for me. I have grown in self esteem and confidence over the past couple weeks.

Originally Posted by LeeJane

I do in a strange way feel grateful for all this happening. Has allowed me to learn, change and address my past.

Originally Posted by FeelingGreat

LJ, just wondering, does his drinking affect other aspects of your marriage, like finances, or his ability to hold down a job?

Also, do you see detachment as a long term strategy? What if he goes on drinking for a long time? Will you decide to break your partnership? Detachment is working for you now, but it can also mean a sterile marriage with no real love or closeness.

Originally Posted by FireSprite

You sound AMAZINGLY centered & balanced in all of this. I know what you mean - in a way, I didn't know how strong my own recovery had become until it was challenged by RAH's relapse a couple of yrs ago.

I wouldn't have signed up to go through all of that on purpose, but it was empowering to see the strength in myself & really KNOW that I could/would walk my talk.

Originally Posted by LeeJane

If I may share that I also am a member of OA and have been carrying an extra few pounds for a couple years.

I didn't feel fat but I didn't feel quite right in my body. I could not shift this weight! The difference between feeling ok and feeling wow!

It is dropping off now! On it's own or so it feels. I was ready.

Originally Posted by FeelingGreat

That's a pretty good testimonial LJ - I think I'd be a good candidate for OA.