Not a big surprise
 

He got ANOTHER dui last weekend. Even though separated, he called me, because he said he has no one else.

It was really hard, I said nope and they took him to jail.

The situation is not a surprise, but it breaks my heart just the same. This disease takes and takes and takes.

You did the right thing. Let him figure it out-his mess and all. Hugs-I'm sure it's not easy.

OH, Flavia.....I appreciate how hard it is to say no. I have had to do it!!
In the bigger picture, you did the right thing.
No alcoholic benefits when anyone offers them a soft (softer) cushion for the natural consequences of their drinking......
In my opinion, your refusal to rescue him is actually an expression of caring ...as well as your own self-care.
Good for you in doing the hard thing.....

dandylion

Sending warm hugs. I'm sorry.

It is truly heartbreaking. So so sad.

If you pray, pray hard. And a big hug to you.

Very sad, but good for you for staying out of his way. Hopefully his higher power is sending him a message.

It is kind of funny how they continue to think that we will bail them out... My XABF said this to me the other day... "you would come and get me if I got arrested." I said, "Ummm.... No, I wouldn't." He's like, "you know I would get fired if I had to call in to work from jail." I said, "I don't know if you would or not, but it is not my problem." This really pissed him off. He was like, "I thought we were still going to be friends??" I said, "we are. And as a good friend, I would let you deal with the reality and consequences of your decisions."

Agh.... I can't wait to get out of here!!!! 10 more days!

Well done Flavia, especially as it went against your instincts. If he drinks and drives repeatedly it's better for him to have the full consequences. He could hurt someone.

Thanks, everyone. This site helps me so much -- I'm on every day reading, even if i don't post.

This is a blessing in the way that he has to be off the roads before he hurts someone. I pray everyday for God to help him and maybe now he will seek the help he needs.

Dandylion - I never thought of it like that, but I think you're right about saying no is an expression of how much i care about him. Thank you!

My XABF says going to jail saved his life. Although he wound up in jail for 3 years. At least, in jail, they are not hurting themselves or others.

Big hug to you Flavia. Do something extra nice for yourself to celebrate that "No.".

Good for you.

When you take away the consequences of their actions, you take away the chance that they may learn anything from it. You did the right thing.

Hugs.

^ yes!!! That's why enabling is so harmful for an addict-it takes away any chance they will learn!