New here
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I suggest you make arrangements to go over with a friend to retrieve your belongings and just plan to not share living space with him for now. As long as your stuff is there, neither one of you take your leaving seriously. Bring someone with you for safety and also to ensure you don't weaken.
If there is no one you can call upon to do this for you, contact your local police department. They are generally willing to "stand by" for property removals to make sure everyone is safe. You just need to make the arrangements in advance, at a time when they have the manpower to spare. They won't get involved, it's basically just observing to make sure there are no problems requiring their assistance.
If there is no one you can call upon to do this for you, contact your local police department. They are generally willing to "stand by" for property removals to make sure everyone is safe. You just need to make the arrangements in advance, at a time when they have the manpower to spare. They won't get involved, it's basically just observing to make sure there are no problems requiring their assistance.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
If you think that this time will be the time to break that cycle of leaving then returning quickly, I'd wait until he was at work then go retrieve your items. Its the debating with him that may suck you right back in before you are truly mentally ready to do so.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 2,393
Originally Posted by TheRaven 
Thank y'all so much! I will use the card idea. I've been sitting here all day and just worrying what's next. When I act like I don't care if I talk to him or not, that's when I know I will hear from him begging. What do I say to him? I wish I didn't need my clothes and other things so much, or it would be easier to just ignore him. But I have family heirlooms there, things that belonged to my sister before she died. Such sentimental things 
I don't want to call the cops, because I've been humiliated enough and they all know me. I work with them on calls. I don't want everyone knowing about this right now. It's more than I can handle at this time. He will try to control my exit from his life.
I don't want to call the cops, because I've been humiliated enough and they all know me. I work with them on calls. I don't want everyone knowing about this right now. It's more than I can handle at this time. He will try to control my exit from his life.Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: MD
Posts: 658
Isolation is part of the disease. I agree about bringing in one of the cops you work with.. bet they would be pleased to be part of helping you get to a better place without it having to start with 911 calls. Either way, I agree about going in with a safety.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,792
After two years, I finally am starting to see how this works. The last thing my ex did for me that was nice was a birthday card in July of 2014. He has made it crystal clear in word and deed that unless I am willing to drink and be sexual with him, I am as good as dead. We have been no contact for quite a while now. In view of all this, I am finally realizing that I can move on with a clear conscience. I hope you can do the same.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,872
^ word. Seriously. That's all I was to me ex as well-unless I drank with him or had sex with him, I was useless. His actions have proven that. No contact is the way to go....if you can (us with kids get the honor of still having to have contact with these delusional people).
Get your stuff and move on. Walk forward.
Get your stuff and move on. Walk forward.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 8
Yes when I originally posted it had only been 5 days since I left. It's now 7 days. When I get my stuff, I will not go without my dad. I don't have a key to the house anymore. I have to wait for him to give me a time to go get it. He did just as I expected him to do when I told him our relationship was over. Made excuses that I couldn't get my stuff yet. I'm not sure getting my stuff is even worth all this. He is just trying to control my exit from his life. He has a narcissistic personality. Yesterday he text me, just having a normal conversation about him fishing, our livestock, our horse fixing to foal, and our garden. Nothing negative, until I asked him when was a good time I could get my stuff so I could move on with my life. He blew up. Called me, started blaming me. I hung up on him. Then the text began. With blame of course. I stopped responding. Last thing I got was a picture and he wrote... " just a thought.Later". It was a picture of sea glass. That is one of our hobbies, besides horses. Pure manipulation to try to soften my heart. I didn't respond to it. I went to sleep. For an alcoholic he is sharp minded. But I don't want to give him that much credit. The truth is. Now he wants what he can't have. That's all its about.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Raven....I am so pleased to see that you recognize what his motivation is....and, how he is trying to hit all of your "buttons". This shows that you have some self esteem and he has not totally worn you down!
I will warn you that he may even try to increase his efforts....before he finally gives up...
so you are smart in taking your precautions! Keep that guard up.....
I know that this is a difficult period of time for you...with the natural grieving, and all....
You may have hit on an idea---maybe you won't perish without your clothes, for a while....
Why not invest in some new clothes for yourself?...the basic things....and, retrieving your old things, later, when things have settled a bit more.....
(don't tell him, if you buy new clothes, though)...Don't tell him anything....
If he were to ask...just tell him "I have decided to go bare assed and it feels good)........
I think you are dong well.....just hold y our boundaries....
It will not always feel like this....
dandylion
I will warn you that he may even try to increase his efforts....before he finally gives up...
so you are smart in taking your precautions! Keep that guard up.....
I know that this is a difficult period of time for you...with the natural grieving, and all....
You may have hit on an idea---maybe you won't perish without your clothes, for a while....
Why not invest in some new clothes for yourself?...the basic things....and, retrieving your old things, later, when things have settled a bit more.....
(don't tell him, if you buy new clothes, though)...Don't tell him anything....
If he were to ask...just tell him "I have decided to go bare assed and it feels good)........
I think you are dong well.....just hold y our boundaries....
It will not always feel like this....
dandylion
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
If he's avoiding your attempts to schedule a time for a property removal, I'd suggest setting up a time with your dad, and maybe the police to stand by, for when you know he will be home. Stop trying to discuss it and just DO it, IOW.
First things first. Get your stuff, find a place to live. Otherwise this cycle will just keep repeating over and over. Are you ready to be DONE? Then BE done.
First things first. Get your stuff, find a place to live. Otherwise this cycle will just keep repeating over and over. Are you ready to be DONE? Then BE done.
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