Hello Again :)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 73
Hello Again :)
Hi All,
Was just trolling through for the latest and greatest advice from people that are living different stages of my daily nightmare. Thought I would say Hi and check in.
Things are rough, trying to be amicable to avoid escalating things, but as with any dying relationship it's difficult.
AXH is still sober, has been for the past 6 months, but fails to understand that getting sober and going to rehab was to get him better, it did nothing for the people who were tormented and abused by him for the 5 horrible years of his active disease.
He's not going to AA, he's not utilizing the continued services of the rehab, he's trying to white-knuckle his way through this process, and thinks everyone around him (especially me) should just be willing to welcome him back into the fold with open arms. As I'm sure all of you know, recovery does not fix the damage already done.
It's been a roller coaster, but I can say that I have stood my ground, he is not living in my home, and I have very limited contact with him.
Before anyone decides to jump in and preach about no contact, there are extenuating circumstances that I won't bore you with, but I'm standing firm on my boundaries, and although I would prefer to cut all ties, I have to play the game, and do the dance to manipulate my way out of this situation in one piece.
He is currently in imminent danger of relapsing, and I think I did a good thing, when he called me I said I would call him back, I called the counselor from the rehab and conferenced him in. It didn't make my AXH happy, but it gave me some power to step back, and yet still offer help by putting him in touch with the people that can help. I was able to help, which my codependent self has such a need to do, but I was able to also maintain my boundaries. I feel good about it.
Praying that I continue to have the strength that so many of you all show here daily. Taking each moment at a time.
Was just trolling through for the latest and greatest advice from people that are living different stages of my daily nightmare. Thought I would say Hi and check in.
Things are rough, trying to be amicable to avoid escalating things, but as with any dying relationship it's difficult.
AXH is still sober, has been for the past 6 months, but fails to understand that getting sober and going to rehab was to get him better, it did nothing for the people who were tormented and abused by him for the 5 horrible years of his active disease.
He's not going to AA, he's not utilizing the continued services of the rehab, he's trying to white-knuckle his way through this process, and thinks everyone around him (especially me) should just be willing to welcome him back into the fold with open arms. As I'm sure all of you know, recovery does not fix the damage already done.
It's been a roller coaster, but I can say that I have stood my ground, he is not living in my home, and I have very limited contact with him.
Before anyone decides to jump in and preach about no contact, there are extenuating circumstances that I won't bore you with, but I'm standing firm on my boundaries, and although I would prefer to cut all ties, I have to play the game, and do the dance to manipulate my way out of this situation in one piece.
He is currently in imminent danger of relapsing, and I think I did a good thing, when he called me I said I would call him back, I called the counselor from the rehab and conferenced him in. It didn't make my AXH happy, but it gave me some power to step back, and yet still offer help by putting him in touch with the people that can help. I was able to help, which my codependent self has such a need to do, but I was able to also maintain my boundaries. I feel good about it.
Praying that I continue to have the strength that so many of you all show here daily. Taking each moment at a time.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
good to "see" you! 
you sound pretty grounded. i understand that sometimes circumstances don't automatically allow us to go NC...i can't say contacting his counselor was a BAD thing, but i do hope that some day you won't feel impelled to intervene. that you will be far enough back from his ongoing production. but we each have to determine what brings US peace of mind.
so what else is going on with YOU? inquiring minds want to know!
you sound pretty grounded. i understand that sometimes circumstances don't automatically allow us to go NC...i can't say contacting his counselor was a BAD thing, but i do hope that some day you won't feel impelled to intervene. that you will be far enough back from his ongoing production. but we each have to determine what brings US peace of mind. so what else is going on with YOU? inquiring minds want to know!
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