I've kicked him out
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 47
Thanks again for the support. Well he rang prob 70 times yesterday and all the promises in the world.
I did end up calling our legal aid hotline for advise. Didn't get to speak to a lawyer they will call back Monday but the lady seemed to think that things could be done that helped me move back with the children.
I don't know. I text his mother and said she was welcome to pick up the children and take them to her place for lunch. Then he could meet their and see my daughter for her bday. It's so sad.
I just text him again for the last time as he said it wasn't selfish to want his family together.
I wrote..."I have been trying to be peaceful and hope you do the right thing but trust me on this if you keep doing this I will do what it takes to protect my children. Once again you move back to your mums tomorrow. My mum leaves next sun you can stay here. Show me what you are doing to help yourself don't just tell me. You lie compulsively about alcohol abuse. I don't actually know I can ever trust a word you say again. Atm I can see it's just still in the cycle of all about you. Again I do not want to threaten you but if you do not stop this and start thinking of me and the kids... I will do what it takes to ensure that they are calm and stable in their own home. It's disgusting that you cannot see this. Hopefully one day if you recover you will see how far you are gone."
I don't know that it will have any effect but I've said my piece now I am done. I've text his boss that I am driving up Sunday to get the Guinea pigs and a few more clothes at a time he will be at work. So can his boss make sure he will not be near the house at a certain time. He was supporting of this.
Another day today. 3am and my son just woke screaming to go home. I don't think I will get back to sleep. But it's my darling girls birthday and we are together at least.
I did end up calling our legal aid hotline for advise. Didn't get to speak to a lawyer they will call back Monday but the lady seemed to think that things could be done that helped me move back with the children.
I don't know. I text his mother and said she was welcome to pick up the children and take them to her place for lunch. Then he could meet their and see my daughter for her bday. It's so sad.
I just text him again for the last time as he said it wasn't selfish to want his family together.
I wrote..."I have been trying to be peaceful and hope you do the right thing but trust me on this if you keep doing this I will do what it takes to protect my children. Once again you move back to your mums tomorrow. My mum leaves next sun you can stay here. Show me what you are doing to help yourself don't just tell me. You lie compulsively about alcohol abuse. I don't actually know I can ever trust a word you say again. Atm I can see it's just still in the cycle of all about you. Again I do not want to threaten you but if you do not stop this and start thinking of me and the kids... I will do what it takes to ensure that they are calm and stable in their own home. It's disgusting that you cannot see this. Hopefully one day if you recover you will see how far you are gone."
I don't know that it will have any effect but I've said my piece now I am done. I've text his boss that I am driving up Sunday to get the Guinea pigs and a few more clothes at a time he will be at work. So can his boss make sure he will not be near the house at a certain time. He was supporting of this.
Another day today. 3am and my son just woke screaming to go home. I don't think I will get back to sleep. But it's my darling girls birthday and we are together at least.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
lolitalola.....I think it is a good idea to handle your daughters birthday the way you have planned.
I think that calling the legal aid hotline was a good move, also.
It is fortunate that you can trust his boss to support your efforts. It is an additional blessing that your mom and mother in law are willing to help you...
It is a blessing that some o thers do not always have!!
I understand that you are sad that it had to come to this.....I also know that you realize that living in the circumstances that you have been living under is abusive to you and the kids....and that is more than sad, even...it is damaging....
Keep on sticking to your boundaries! Around here, it s often said that one needs to see at least one year of uninterrupted sobriety before making any further plans about the relationship.....
I think you are doing verrry well under stressful and difficult circumstances.....
dandylion
I think that calling the legal aid hotline was a good move, also.
It is fortunate that you can trust his boss to support your efforts. It is an additional blessing that your mom and mother in law are willing to help you...
It is a blessing that some o thers do not always have!!
I understand that you are sad that it had to come to this.....I also know that you realize that living in the circumstances that you have been living under is abusive to you and the kids....and that is more than sad, even...it is damaging....
Keep on sticking to your boundaries! Around here, it s often said that one needs to see at least one year of uninterrupted sobriety before making any further plans about the relationship.....
I think you are doing verrry well under stressful and difficult circumstances.....
dandylion
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,872
He's trying to guilt you and make you feel YOU are the one tearing the family apart. Nope. And good for you for not falling for it and contacting legal aide. The less you reapond, the better, bc he is what he is-regardless of what you say or do.
You are doing great! Hang in there and keep posting.
You are doing great! Hang in there and keep posting.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 47
Thanks I'm soooo angry. I have been sucked into texting him again. He won't relent.
"Your stubbornness will finish us. Compromise or I'm done with it. You may say it's empty lies but I know myself that I want to be a non drinker. This is a sacrifice that I am making for me and us.
You are the one making the rules, get off your high horse and meet me half way. "
I can see it's not going to be any use. It's all just a load of bs. Not having a good day. His boss is going to talk to him tomorrow but I actually don't see him backing down. He's playing hard ball and does not care in the least for the children.
"Your stubbornness will finish us. Compromise or I'm done with it. You may say it's empty lies but I know myself that I want to be a non drinker. This is a sacrifice that I am making for me and us.
You are the one making the rules, get off your high horse and meet me half way. "
I can see it's not going to be any use. It's all just a load of bs. Not having a good day. His boss is going to talk to him tomorrow but I actually don't see him backing down. He's playing hard ball and does not care in the least for the children.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
loloita, he probably thinks he can control it. Right now he's sure he can, but this scenario is not the right one for proving he can stay sober. I'm sorry about his attitude because he's acting like he's entitled to your trust and forgiveness just because he tells you so. I wonder if he's sober right now or if that's been put on hold until you come home? So far he seems to have made no effort beyond promises - no treatment, no moving out and proving he can stay sober. As a recovered A, I know that promises are empty and there has to be a complete change of mindset.
At least now you know where you stand, and you can make plans accordingly. Legal advice, jumping on the finances right away (joint accounts, credit cards, need to be under your control), maybe help for the children through the school.
All the best - work with what you have, and plod forward, even if it's hard.
At least now you know where you stand, and you can make plans accordingly. Legal advice, jumping on the finances right away (joint accounts, credit cards, need to be under your control), maybe help for the children through the school.
All the best - work with what you have, and plod forward, even if it's hard.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 47
Just wanted to give an update and appreciation for those who have supported.
I'm back home. AH has admitted to the extent of his problem, has sought help and has a sponsor. He has promised myself and his boss that he wants to be a non drinker. He has the support of his work colleagues, friends and myself.
He has never actually done this before. Only said he has a prob and tried to moderate. It doesn't work. Also this time it's all out in the open and I have been given a lot of support.
We've been together for nearly 20 years married for 14 and the verbal abuse is always only with the drinking.
I feel I need to try this one last time as he genuinely seems sincere.
I'm back home. AH has admitted to the extent of his problem, has sought help and has a sponsor. He has promised myself and his boss that he wants to be a non drinker. He has the support of his work colleagues, friends and myself.
He has never actually done this before. Only said he has a prob and tried to moderate. It doesn't work. Also this time it's all out in the open and I have been given a lot of support.
We've been together for nearly 20 years married for 14 and the verbal abuse is always only with the drinking.
I feel I need to try this one last time as he genuinely seems sincere.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hi lolita, I'm glad he's seen the light. Standing your ground did have some positive outcomes, and it's fantastic that his workmates are on board. I understand your POV that your marriage is worth trying hard to save.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
You have to do what you have to do. Hopefully he is sincere. You will know eventually.
In the mean time, keep working on you, keep reaching out and utilizing all support, and have a plan in place. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.
Hugs.
In the mean time, keep working on you, keep reaching out and utilizing all support, and have a plan in place. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.
Hugs.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,872
Just sending you hugs and support. More will be revealed-it always is 
keep doing YOUR thing and you'll be just fine, regardless. Like hopeful said, hope is not a plan....hope for the best, plan for the worst. Hugs!
keep doing YOUR thing and you'll be just fine, regardless. Like hopeful said, hope is not a plan....hope for the best, plan for the worst. Hugs!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 47
Hi I just wanted to give an update as I so so appreciated the kind folk reaching out to me when I was so low. I will never forget how grateful I was for every post.. It was a lifeline.
AH has kept to his word thus far and has not had a drink for over 7 weeks. It's early days but he seems to be genuinely on the right path. He is going to karate 3x a week and alternates that with gym. I have also joined the gym. We've not had one argument or disharmony in 7 weeks now. I pray it continues.
AH has kept to his word thus far and has not had a drink for over 7 weeks. It's early days but he seems to be genuinely on the right path. He is going to karate 3x a week and alternates that with gym. I have also joined the gym. We've not had one argument or disharmony in 7 weeks now. I pray it continues.
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