Codependent?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Somewhere Texas
Posts: 5
Codependent?
I'm not sure exactly what this means - LOL I kind of have an idea, but I don't know if this is me...I just get angry about the drinking - disgusted really. It makes me feel alone - but I am alone with the kids most of the time anyway. I don't know - I am definately to the stage where I just feel so sorry for my DH because it is pathetic for such a strong man to be so weak. Anyway - I am thinking I need to get the book "codependent no more" and see what that is all about. Thanks for all of the info and replies - I am loving this place and feeling better already!
My heart is spoken for
My heart is spoken for
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
Characteristics of Codependency
Following is a commonly used list of characteristics of codependency.
* My good feelings about who I am stem from being liked by you
* My good feelings about who I am stem from receiving approval from you
* Your struggle affects my serenity. My mental attention focuses on solving your problems/relieving your pain
* My mental attention is focused on you
* My mental attention is focused on protecting you
* My mental attention is focused on manipulating you to do it my way
* My self-esteem is bolstered by solving your problems
* My self-esteem is bolstered by relieving your pain
* My own hobbies/interests are put to one side. My time is spent sharing your hobbies/interests
* Your clothing and personal appearance are dictated by my desires and I feel you are a reflection of me
* Your behavior is dictated by my desires and I feel you are a reflection of me
* I am not aware of how I feel. I am aware of how you feel.
* I am not aware of what I want - I ask what you want. I am not aware - I assume
The dreams I have for my future are linked to you
* My fear of rejection determines what I say or do
* My fear of your anger determines what I say or do
* I use giving as a way of feeling safe in our relationship
* My social circle diminishes as I involve myself with you
* I put my values aside in order to connect with you
* I value your opinion and way of doing things more than my own
* The quality of my life is in relation to the quality of yours
Following is a commonly used list of characteristics of codependency.
* My good feelings about who I am stem from being liked by you
* My good feelings about who I am stem from receiving approval from you
* Your struggle affects my serenity. My mental attention focuses on solving your problems/relieving your pain
* My mental attention is focused on you
* My mental attention is focused on protecting you
* My mental attention is focused on manipulating you to do it my way
* My self-esteem is bolstered by solving your problems
* My self-esteem is bolstered by relieving your pain
* My own hobbies/interests are put to one side. My time is spent sharing your hobbies/interests
* Your clothing and personal appearance are dictated by my desires and I feel you are a reflection of me
* Your behavior is dictated by my desires and I feel you are a reflection of me
* I am not aware of how I feel. I am aware of how you feel.
* I am not aware of what I want - I ask what you want. I am not aware - I assume
The dreams I have for my future are linked to you
* My fear of rejection determines what I say or do
* My fear of your anger determines what I say or do
* I use giving as a way of feeling safe in our relationship
* My social circle diminishes as I involve myself with you
* I put my values aside in order to connect with you
* I value your opinion and way of doing things more than my own
* The quality of my life is in relation to the quality of yours
Sometimes, It takes awhile!!!
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: where my feet are!!!
Posts: 58
Wow, Wow, WOW!!! yuck, these are so true, BUT the good news is not as true as they used to be.....reading these just helps me see the truth about my past codie life, so, I'm turned them around...........
* MY good feelings about who I am stem from being liked by ME!
* MY good feelings about who I am stem from receiving approval from ME!
* Your struggle doesn't affect my serenity because MY mental attention focuses on solving MY problems/relieving MY pain
* My mental attention is focused on ME!
* My mental attention is focused on protecting ME!
* My mental attention is focused on praying to MY HP to do His will today!
* My self-esteem is bolstered by solving MY problems!
* My self-esteem is bolstered by relieving MY pain!
* My own hobbies/interests are Wonderful. My time is spent doing MY hobbies/interests!
* MY clothing and personal appearance are dictated by MY desires and I feel I am beautiful and worth the time!!!
* MY behavior is dictated by MY desires and I feel I am loved!
* I AM aware of how I feel. I AM aware of how I feel.
* I AM aware of what I want - I ask what I want. I AM aware - I have dreams for MY future and I AM beginning to live them!
* My fear of rejection is becoming MY trust in MY HP. Who loves me and has the absoute best in mind for ME!
* My fear of your anger Tells me I need to keep MYSELF safe!
* I AM a giving loving person in ALL my healthy relationships!
* MY social circle GROWS STRONG as I involve myself with ME!
* I put MY values FIRST in order to connect with ME!
* I value MY opinion and MY way of doing things!
* The quality of MY life is increasing everyday as I listen to that still small voice inside ME!
_______ Wow, now that felt GREAT!!! Hugs, Serenity777
ps......lol......one of the lines I read on here months ago I've been practicing......If you want to get out of someones shadow, you have to make YOUR own light! Luv that one, thanks to whoever wrote that one!!!!!!!!!!!
* MY good feelings about who I am stem from being liked by ME!
* MY good feelings about who I am stem from receiving approval from ME!
* Your struggle doesn't affect my serenity because MY mental attention focuses on solving MY problems/relieving MY pain
* My mental attention is focused on ME!
* My mental attention is focused on protecting ME!
* My mental attention is focused on praying to MY HP to do His will today!
* My self-esteem is bolstered by solving MY problems!
* My self-esteem is bolstered by relieving MY pain!
* My own hobbies/interests are Wonderful. My time is spent doing MY hobbies/interests!
* MY clothing and personal appearance are dictated by MY desires and I feel I am beautiful and worth the time!!!
* MY behavior is dictated by MY desires and I feel I am loved!
* I AM aware of how I feel. I AM aware of how I feel.
* I AM aware of what I want - I ask what I want. I AM aware - I have dreams for MY future and I AM beginning to live them!
* My fear of rejection is becoming MY trust in MY HP. Who loves me and has the absoute best in mind for ME!
* My fear of your anger Tells me I need to keep MYSELF safe!
* I AM a giving loving person in ALL my healthy relationships!
* MY social circle GROWS STRONG as I involve myself with ME!
* I put MY values FIRST in order to connect with ME!
* I value MY opinion and MY way of doing things!
* The quality of MY life is increasing everyday as I listen to that still small voice inside ME!
_______ Wow, now that felt GREAT!!! Hugs, Serenity777
ps......lol......one of the lines I read on here months ago I've been practicing......If you want to get out of someones shadow, you have to make YOUR own light! Luv that one, thanks to whoever wrote that one!!!!!!!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: A very sad place
Posts: 115
WOW Gabe. Seeing these in print this way have made me realize how much of a Codie I really am. I never asked my AH to change his looks or clothes or personal style for me but I pretty well devoted my entire life to him and his actions.
* My good feelings about who I am stem from being liked by you
* My good feelings about who I am stem from receiving approval from you
* Your struggle affects my serenity. My mental attention focuses on solving your problems/relieving your pain
* My mental attention is focused on you
* My mental attention is focused on protecting you
* My self-esteem is bolstered by solving your problems
* My self-esteem is bolstered by relieving your pain
* My own hobbies/interests are put to one side. My time is spent sharing your hobbies/interests
* I am not aware of how I feel. I am aware of how you feel.
* I am not aware of what I want - I ask what you want. I am not aware - I assume
The dreams I have for my future are linked to you
* My fear of rejection determines what I say or do
* My fear of your anger determines what I say or do
* I use giving as a way of feeling safe in our relationship
* My social circle diminishes as I involve myself with you
* I put my values aside in order to connect with you
* I value your opinion and way of doing things more than my own
* The quality of my life is in relation to the quality of yours
I need lots more help.
Thanks Gabe.
Kat
* My good feelings about who I am stem from being liked by you
* My good feelings about who I am stem from receiving approval from you
* Your struggle affects my serenity. My mental attention focuses on solving your problems/relieving your pain
* My mental attention is focused on you
* My mental attention is focused on protecting you
* My self-esteem is bolstered by solving your problems
* My self-esteem is bolstered by relieving your pain
* My own hobbies/interests are put to one side. My time is spent sharing your hobbies/interests
* I am not aware of how I feel. I am aware of how you feel.
* I am not aware of what I want - I ask what you want. I am not aware - I assume
The dreams I have for my future are linked to you
* My fear of rejection determines what I say or do
* My fear of your anger determines what I say or do
* I use giving as a way of feeling safe in our relationship
* My social circle diminishes as I involve myself with you
* I put my values aside in order to connect with you
* I value your opinion and way of doing things more than my own
* The quality of my life is in relation to the quality of yours
I need lots more help.
Thanks Gabe.
Kat
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Where the sun always shines!
Posts: 1,625
Spokenfor- I certainly didn't think I was co-dependant. I just bought the book because that Word kept coming up. I also knew I was stuck and needed help because I couldn't lie to myself anymore that I was happy.
When I began searching for something I could relate to, even after I attended al-anon, the first thing I heard was a song by Evanescance called "My Immortal". Word for word, it described me and what I was dealing with. I cried! This woke me up a bit.
The next thing I found that I could relate to was "Co-Dependant No More". I bought the book and I cannot put it down. I get chills reading this book.
Now I know, I am Co-Dependant. I'm not just the spouse who want's her husband to quick drinking and spend more time with her. I WANT TO BE HAPPY. That is my goal as well as it should be yours.
When I began searching for something I could relate to, even after I attended al-anon, the first thing I heard was a song by Evanescance called "My Immortal". Word for word, it described me and what I was dealing with. I cried! This woke me up a bit.
The next thing I found that I could relate to was "Co-Dependant No More". I bought the book and I cannot put it down. I get chills reading this book.
Now I know, I am Co-Dependant. I'm not just the spouse who want's her husband to quick drinking and spend more time with her. I WANT TO BE HAPPY. That is my goal as well as it should be yours.
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