My cousin,
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Amy......you say that you don't know anybody else who has "messed" their life up so much......lol......
Trust me, Amy, there are millions of others who have messed up and even worse!
It is not as difficult as one might think......
One thing brushed under the rug...for whatever reason.....leads to another, which, leads to another....and on and on....compounding the complications as it goes along....... Ugh!
dandylion
Trust me, Amy, there are millions of others who have messed up and even worse!
It is not as difficult as one might think......
One thing brushed under the rug...for whatever reason.....leads to another, which, leads to another....and on and on....compounding the complications as it goes along....... Ugh!
dandylion
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
You really are a wonderful person.
Entirely possible this gentleman has a learning disability. Would actually be kinda common at that age to have just sailed on through and be assumed stupid, or low achiever.
Any hole can be dug out of.
Entirely possible this gentleman has a learning disability. Would actually be kinda common at that age to have just sailed on through and be assumed stupid, or low achiever.
Any hole can be dug out of.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Well, not much of an update. I went out for pizza with my friends. My cousin called me when I was out. I asked him if he got the job. He told me no, then said where are you, it's so loud there. I told him I was out with friends, and he told me to have a good time, and that he would call me tomorrow.
So, I don't know what the "no" meant.
I was thinking about yesterday and the long phone calls, and I think it was because he was nervous. He never filled out a job application before. He started out self employed, driving a truck. Then he went to a temp agency who filled out the forms for him. He does have enough work for Social Security Benefits when he reaches that age, and he is also eligible for a pension from the last company that he worked for, but that wouldn't be till age 65.
His main skill is a forklift operator. He can also learn to work any type of machinery that a factory would have. He operated all the machinery at his last job.
Since I've been talking to him, we did manage to get him a moped, he did register it, and he did get a license to drive it. He opened up a checking account, and got a debit card, he got a haircut, and got some new clothing for job interviews. He has been getting all the information about his old tickets, so that he can start paying them off, once he gets a job. So, I really am proud of him. He lived like a hermit and locked himself away from the world for about 9 years.
If anyone remembers last year when I did that wellness call, it was for him.
So, I'm going to relax tonight, won't get a phone call from him, he has bad reception on the phone, and can only call me from outside the house.
Will update tomorrow after I talk to him. Will also be broaching voc rehab, adult education, and ged with him. Don't know if he will listen to that, but I am going to try.
Thanks for caring,
amy
So, I don't know what the "no" meant.
I was thinking about yesterday and the long phone calls, and I think it was because he was nervous. He never filled out a job application before. He started out self employed, driving a truck. Then he went to a temp agency who filled out the forms for him. He does have enough work for Social Security Benefits when he reaches that age, and he is also eligible for a pension from the last company that he worked for, but that wouldn't be till age 65.
His main skill is a forklift operator. He can also learn to work any type of machinery that a factory would have. He operated all the machinery at his last job.
Since I've been talking to him, we did manage to get him a moped, he did register it, and he did get a license to drive it. He opened up a checking account, and got a debit card, he got a haircut, and got some new clothing for job interviews. He has been getting all the information about his old tickets, so that he can start paying them off, once he gets a job. So, I really am proud of him. He lived like a hermit and locked himself away from the world for about 9 years.
If anyone remembers last year when I did that wellness call, it was for him.
So, I'm going to relax tonight, won't get a phone call from him, he has bad reception on the phone, and can only call me from outside the house.
Will update tomorrow after I talk to him. Will also be broaching voc rehab, adult education, and ged with him. Don't know if he will listen to that, but I am going to try.
Thanks for caring,
amy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
I posted more about my cousin in the Substance Abuse Forum. I would like to put here, some things I said there. It's just more of a background thing.
My cousin, I call him Michael. His mother was schizophrenic. She left her 2 sons with their father, my uncle when they were 4 and 6. She sold them to my uncle for $5000. Then she walked away. They saw her a few times when they were young teenagers, and she was always looking for the CIA and FBI that were always following her. She died in a pysch ward.
I used to babysit for them for my uncle so that he could go to work. I was 16 then, so Michael was 7 then. I only did this for a year. I then didn't really see them again till they were late teens, and totally effed up by then. Both were into drugs and alcohol. Actually Michael was into drugs, the younger one was and alcoholic.
The last time I saw Michael was in 1997 when his father died.
His brother is now 7 years sober from alcohol.
They had both started with drinking or drugs by the age of 10.
Michael was keeping in touch with my mother, maybe a phone call every 3 years or so. His brother, I'll call him Stephen fell down the steps while carrying laundry and ended up in the hospital with 5 broken ribs.
My mom called me to tell me this and she gave me Michael's phone number and asked if I could try to get in touch with him.
I called, that was Nov 2014, when he just went cold turkey from 70 mg of Meth Maintenance to nothing. He couldn't afford the program any longer. He was selling all of his possessions that he could to pay bills. He already ran through all of his savings, and his IRA. He had nothing left, except for a few guns that he could sell. He was going to a food pantry for food. He did apply and was receiving help with his electric bill. He still had a landline then. He was going through heavy withdrawals then. I had told him to call me whenever. He didn't.
His brother Stephen goes away for 6 months at a time working off ships. Something to do with operating a crane. Don't know. He keeps in touch with my sister. So, he was going away, and tried to contact his brother Michael. The landline was now shut off, so Stephen gets worried, calls my sister, who then calls me, and I try to call Michael.
That was when I call the sheriffs office to do a wellness check. It was sometime last year.
The 2 brothers don't really get along, they get into verbal fights, every time they talk to each other. Their DOC (drug of choice) is different, their way of dealing with things are different, and their politics are different.
That was when Michael called me.
I just thought that since you are all helping me so much that the background here as to why he reached out to me might help. I really do appreciate all the help, and especially just listening to me, because a lot of times, I can write this here and then be able to walk away from things for awhile to take care of myself.
My financial help so far was to get him the moped. He paid me back for that. I paid one electric bill, I got him a prepaid cell phone for $30. a month, and I sent him some food through Amazon prime. I also send him a $100 gift card for walmart for clothing. I never expected to be paid back for the moped, but he did, he is saying he will pay me back the rest, but that doesn't matter. I don't lend money with the expectation of being repaid. When I lend money I do it with knowing that I might as well, just write that off as lost, and that's OK.
My biggest reward from all of this, is that he becomes a self-sufficient adult. I want no more then that. I won't even tell my family that I lent him money. It was no big deal.
I have patience, but only for people who deserve patience. My cousin, is really doing this all on his own to pull himself back up. I give him all the credit.
((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
amy
My cousin, I call him Michael. His mother was schizophrenic. She left her 2 sons with their father, my uncle when they were 4 and 6. She sold them to my uncle for $5000. Then she walked away. They saw her a few times when they were young teenagers, and she was always looking for the CIA and FBI that were always following her. She died in a pysch ward.
I used to babysit for them for my uncle so that he could go to work. I was 16 then, so Michael was 7 then. I only did this for a year. I then didn't really see them again till they were late teens, and totally effed up by then. Both were into drugs and alcohol. Actually Michael was into drugs, the younger one was and alcoholic.
The last time I saw Michael was in 1997 when his father died.
His brother is now 7 years sober from alcohol.
They had both started with drinking or drugs by the age of 10.
Michael was keeping in touch with my mother, maybe a phone call every 3 years or so. His brother, I'll call him Stephen fell down the steps while carrying laundry and ended up in the hospital with 5 broken ribs.
My mom called me to tell me this and she gave me Michael's phone number and asked if I could try to get in touch with him.
I called, that was Nov 2014, when he just went cold turkey from 70 mg of Meth Maintenance to nothing. He couldn't afford the program any longer. He was selling all of his possessions that he could to pay bills. He already ran through all of his savings, and his IRA. He had nothing left, except for a few guns that he could sell. He was going to a food pantry for food. He did apply and was receiving help with his electric bill. He still had a landline then. He was going through heavy withdrawals then. I had told him to call me whenever. He didn't.
His brother Stephen goes away for 6 months at a time working off ships. Something to do with operating a crane. Don't know. He keeps in touch with my sister. So, he was going away, and tried to contact his brother Michael. The landline was now shut off, so Stephen gets worried, calls my sister, who then calls me, and I try to call Michael.
That was when I call the sheriffs office to do a wellness check. It was sometime last year.
The 2 brothers don't really get along, they get into verbal fights, every time they talk to each other. Their DOC (drug of choice) is different, their way of dealing with things are different, and their politics are different.
That was when Michael called me.
I just thought that since you are all helping me so much that the background here as to why he reached out to me might help. I really do appreciate all the help, and especially just listening to me, because a lot of times, I can write this here and then be able to walk away from things for awhile to take care of myself.
My financial help so far was to get him the moped. He paid me back for that. I paid one electric bill, I got him a prepaid cell phone for $30. a month, and I sent him some food through Amazon prime. I also send him a $100 gift card for walmart for clothing. I never expected to be paid back for the moped, but he did, he is saying he will pay me back the rest, but that doesn't matter. I don't lend money with the expectation of being repaid. When I lend money I do it with knowing that I might as well, just write that off as lost, and that's OK.
My biggest reward from all of this, is that he becomes a self-sufficient adult. I want no more then that. I won't even tell my family that I lent him money. It was no big deal.
I have patience, but only for people who deserve patience. My cousin, is really doing this all on his own to pull himself back up. I give him all the credit.
((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
amy
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 256
I saw you are paying his cell phone bill. Something I recently learned about is called safe link. They offer a free cell phone to those with limited Income. Not sure if he qualifies or if it is offered in his area. Just throwing that idea out there.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Originally Posted by KidsR#1 
I saw you are paying his cell phone bill. Something I recently learned about is called safe link. They offer a free cell phone to those with limited Income. Not sure if he qualifies or if it is offered in his area. Just throwing that idea out there.
I'm really about the only person he talks to right now, except making phone calls about tickets, and job interviews, and I need him to have that connection right now.
(((((((((((hugs)))))))))
amy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
So update ...... He went to put in that application. He told me that every time he drove past this place in the past, they always had a sign out front that they were hiring for $10.50 per hour. When he went there, that sign wasn't there anymore. He filled out the application, they told him the only job available at that time was that you needed a car license. I sent him off to manpower.
It's been raining there and here for days. He can't call me when it's cloudy out or raining. The reception is really bad.
amy
It's been raining there and here for days. He can't call me when it's cloudy out or raining. The reception is really bad.
amy
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