Custody appeal next week....so nervous need prayers!
 

Hi all

Some of you may have seen my previous posts on here about my XAH and his shenanigans. He appealed our custody order back in August and now court is finally happening Monday. To say I am a nervous wreck is an understatement. Honestly, I may puke in the court room. We have 2 following court dates that friday and again the following monday for protective order violations as well (3 court dates in 7 days, hooray!). I am SO nervous that he will get his visitation back, as judges don't seem to like to give sole custody very often (it is currently temporarily suspended and has been since december). My concern is how I will handle it, knowing my 3 yr old daughter is alone with someone who I know to be an alcoholic and is negligent. Here I am future tripping HARD CORE. Trying to cherish the next 6 days of just me and my baby knowing she is safe, but truthfully I am scared to death.

Sending you hugs. I understand your feelings-mine are the same. Sounds like you are doing all you can do! Hold tight to that baby and pray and trust the courts understand the threat. Many hugs and I'll be thinking of you!

Is this a true appeal--to an appellate court? Or just a request for reconsideration to the original court?

Either way, I don't think you have a lot to worry about. Appellate courts defer GREATLY to the trial judge who actually heard and saw the evidence and the witnesses. Generally speaking, unless the court applied the wrong LEGAL standard, the appellate court will defer to the findings of the trial court.

And in terms of reconsideration--trial judges are loath to revisit their decisions. Unless something dramatic was omitted or misunderstood, they generally do not reverse course mid-stream.

So in this case, my prayers for you will be for you to be calm and cool. And confident. It doesn't sound like anything has changed that would make the original decision "wrong" or no longer appropriate.

Godspeed
 

The whole issue of custody is the one thing that scares me the most about possible divorce. We have such a sweet child who will be devastated if any disruption occurs in his life. I know, he's no different than any other child of those on this board. He has to have structure and consistency.

But I also know that living with an A is not in his best interest either.. AW is a child of an alcoholic, and she didn't turn out well.

Aaarrgghh

This is an appeal from a J&DR court to the higher circuit court. I actually want this reconsidered, as it stands he has unsupervised visitation (that got suspended though) and I want sole custody. He of course wants it reconsidered in the opposite direction. He hasn't followed the court order AT ALL though, nor has he ever followed one and he has 2 pending protective order violation charges but they will not be heard as of our court date.
He is going to paint me as a drug addict that has neglected the child, he always does that. I have hair follicle tests all that to prove I am not and have never been, nor have any reports ever been filed against me with DSS and the GAL believes I should have custody and no concerns of drug use on my end. He just pulled that out of no where. I guess my concern is how much he will lie to get his way.

It sounds like you are describing what is essentially a do-over, where new evidence can be presented. Do you have a lawyer representing you? What is s/he telling you?

I think you can probably count on his lying about virtually anything/everything, so I wouldn't waste too much time worrying about that. You should focus on staying calm and focused. It's easy to go overboard defending yourself from lies. Judges KNOW that some people lie--it's very common in every courtroom, and seems especially endemic in family court. He's got a terrible track record, you do not. The calmer and more rational you appear in court, the greater your credibility.

Yes exactly it's a do over. Start from square one. I have a great lawyer he doesn't have one. She has ruled against him twice already (the judge) not on custody but divorce and protective order. My lawyer doesn't like to say what she thinks will happen just prepare. She's a very good attorney though. Same judge who ordered the child support he hasn't paid lol

I have a very bad anxiety disorder though it'll probably cry. I'll do my best tho.

Try to get yourself to the point where you don't THINK you'll cry. If something that happens in court makes you cry, you cry. But talk yourself into a place where you feel like you can handle it. Because you can, and you will. Concentrate on what you are asked, and what you are saying, rather than what the judge is thinking about this or that. Focus on the only thing you CAN control, which is you. Speak the truth, to the best of your ability, and I'm willing to bet money you will wind up with a reasonable outcome. Maybe not EXACTLY what you'd like, but close.

Thats the goal. I am going to do the best I can and I have been told I am very composed although in my mind I am losing it...Judges can be so unpredictable.

Bluebird....Judges are very used to lying. They can spot a liar before the case ever starts. I know its unnerving, you have everything you need on your side.

So he lies! He looks ridiculous and destroys his own self! GREAT. Just sit back while the noose gets tighter and tighter.

Judges don't like it when folks don't adhere to their Court Orders. I never heard of a Judge that was OK with that.

I think he's going to get his ass chewed out, and you will be just fine.

Youre probably right--my anxiety is kicking in and im future tripping...I have seen judges chew him out for not following the order and still have given him visitation but that was a year ago and now things have gotten worse so I dont think itll be good for him. Thats what the logical part of my brain says anyways!

No advice but just wanted to send you a hug! It will be a stressful week for sure. Hang in there and focus on your sweet little one.

I volunteer to be a "pocket-rider" the days of, Bluebird, to be there with you in spirit, and to send courage and comfort your way.

Custody hearings are all about what is best for the child(ren). Not paying child support won't win him any points towards the belief that he has your DD's best interests at heart. And him not following court orders isn't going to make the judge too happy with him, in general. Anything he can say about not doing what he's supposed to do, will come across as exactly what they are: cheap excuses.

Deep breath, Bluebird.

Update...
 

Update:

Looks like we have a continuance on our hands. 3rd time now this will have been continued. I am at my wits end. He has now after a year hired an attorney and due to that and his pending charges which is says he is innocent of, the judge is likely to grant it. Ugh, was so ready to get this over with...

Thank you all so much for your prayers.

Good luck for him I don't see that it is going to make that much difference that he has an attorney. Maybe Atty can shut him up a little.

For the time being at least he has no visitation so breathe deep it will all work out.

Man, it sucks to get all geared up and then have to wait some more. As red said, though, keep breathing. As a lawyer, myself, I'd rather deal with a well-trained adversary any day than some nitwit representing himself. The lawyer will be obligated to make sure he abides by the rules in the courtroom, so it might actually make this LESS stressful when you finally get to court.

Hugs--hang in there! (She says, as if you had a choice...)

Yes, I am very frustrated that this keeps happening but the lawyer could potentially be a positive in that hes going to point out whats realistic and whats not, and that he needs to COMPLY for once. I am counting on these convictions, so keeping my fingers crossed for that. Bright side, I have finals this week/weekend so I can focus on school without court looming over my head. Trying to look at the glass half full here. My lawyer may be able to get the judge to agree to temp custody considering everything thats been going on until our final court date (since theres a protective order involved with my daughter on it).

More time=more rope.

I am trying to live in the moment. In this moment my daughter is safe. I am doing well at work and excelling in school. I am handling everything without falling apart. I am trying to not let him and his choices ruin my life, and ignore all of the progress i have made DESPITE him in the past 3 years without him.