Having An Ok Week
 

Hi,
It's been just about 2 months since I moved into my small house. I must say, it's much more peaceful than living with my ah.
I still have meltdowns a lot. Something I hear or see triggers my memories. I don't think that's a bad thing. It's allowing me to put my memories where they belong.
My dogs, which are really my kids are adjusting well. They don't miss the yelling.
Our motorhome is being reposed at the beginning of next week. I'm sad, because it didn't need to be that way. My ah refused to help pay the payment till it was sold. That was our dream, to see our country when we retired. In a way, I'm glad it's going, one less thing I have to worry about.
My ah is living in our home. I wanted it that way, since he threatened to burn the house down if I thought I was going to live in it.
I have a protective order in place for the next year.
I don't know if he's paying the mortgage on our home., I don't know what is happing to our business. The business wasn't worth much, but out house is.
I just want this over. I want to decide who gets what, so I can move on. Why does this kind of stuff take so long.
I finally can say I had a good week. I visited a friend on Monday, and had my 2 girlfriends over yesterday and today. We sewed in my new little sewing room. It isn't like what I had, but it's mine. I couldn't sew because my shoulder is still very painful. One of my friends is learning how to sew, so I was able to help her. I can't wait to be able to sew myself. Because of my ah behavior I wasn't able to sew or have friends over, so this was wonderful.
I still think about my ah, but it's very different thoughts now.
Most of my thoughts about my ah are ones of feeling sorry for him, that he chose the life he did. Of what he is missing out on.
I don't anymore think of my ah and I as an us. It's hard for me to remember us as an us.
It used to matter to me what my ah was thinking, or what he was doing. I don't care anymore what he is doing, does, or what he is thinking.
It's very empowering. My ah no longer has any control over me. I'm finally letting that part of my life go.
It will always be a part of me, and shape the woman I am becoming. For that I am grateful.
So, I don't think I remember what a good week was, living with my ah.
Now I know I had a good week. Things are moving slowly in a positive direction.
For all the others on this forum facing the same challenges I have and an uncertain future, You Will Be Ok!!!
Thank you all for listening. I know now, my ah will be the biggest loser!
Z

That's great! So happy for you... And it all takes too long...meltdowns happen to me a lot still too. Big hugs to you! Hope next week is a good week, the week after is a great week and then nothing but spectacular weeks from then on!

That sounds like a lovely week xx:You_Rock_

So glad to hear you had a great week and even though there's still some tough times as far as getting everything finalized, sounds like you're already experiencing the rewards of getting out. I totally know what you mean about now caring what AH is thinking. I'm slowly getting there, but it's a good reminder that once I no longer care, he really won't have any more control over me!

Zircon......hang on to your determination and faith.....
I am glad to hear that the clouds are beginning to clear, a bit, for you!!

dandylion

Z,
Sounds like your "addiction"to him is slowly losing its power. You took it slowly, God's plan, and you are healing. Hugs my friend, one day at a time.

So proud of you, You Rock!!!!

Z it's SO good to hear the good place you're in! Your journey has been heart-breaking and now truly inspiring! It takes some TIME but his ick is slowly melting off your soul allowing "you" to bloom!