Originally Posted by Wisconsin
(Post 5916359)
Welcome, and I am so very sorry for what brings you here. :grouphug: You've received a lot of great support and feedback, and I echo what everyone else has said. I wanted to add one thing, though, and it's in response to your statement above. Your father does not drink AT you or your mom. He doesn't do it with the intention or purpose of hurting you guys. In fact, his drinking is not about you guys at all. He is an alcoholic, and he is doing what alcoholics do. That was a very difficult concept for me to understand as I was learning about alcoholism. Like you, my STBXAH is in an environment where virtually every body abuses drugs or alcohol. It's related to his job/career, not his culture, but the end result is the same. He is surrounded by it all the time, and that can make it even more difficult to quit and seek recovery. However, my STBXAH did have several solid years or recovery and sobriety, even amidst that environment. The responsibility for your father's drinking rests with your father, and your father alone. If he wants to get sober and seek recovery, he will find a way to do it regardless of cultural or environmental factors. Just keep the focus on yourself. Your father will drink, or he won't. The question is, what are YOU going to do? |
Originally Posted by INgal
(Post 5916433)
Ndlc, my AlAnon group is not religious. Yes, there are references to "higher powers" but that can mean whatever you want it to mean. In a nutshell, the higher power thing is about knowing that YOU yourself cannot control what the alcoholic does, so therefore, focus on you and let it go. For me, the best part of th meetings is knowing these lovely people who are in exactly the same predicament I'm in and who understand. We share, but no one has to speak at all. It's so liberating and has helped me look at things in a different perspective. I had to try two different groups till I found a good fit. At 19, you could also try AlAnon. Find a group with younger people as well. Good luck! |
Hello daughter08, and pleased to "meet" you :)
Originally Posted by daughter08
(Post 5915598)
... isn't Alateen religious ? ... The result is that there is no way of knowing what a group is like until you actually show up. My suggestion is that you _carefuly_ shop around the al-anon groups in your area to see if there are any that are specifically for atheists. Or at least enough of a non-religious structure to meet your needs. If there are no al-anon groups that are a good "fit" for you then go back to your therapist and have her get on the phone to other therapists in your area and either find you a group for atheists... or have her _start_ one.
Originally Posted by daughter08
(Post 5915598)
... I'm still very uncomfortable discussing all of this...
Originally Posted by daughter08
(Post 5915598)
... My therapist has recommended that I go to ...
Originally Posted by daughter08
(Post 5915598)
... and have been made to feel like his habit is "not so bad" compared to other alcoholics... The damage is caused by what is _missing_. It is the _absence_ of an adult role model in a child's life that causes the damage. The absence of a nurturing, supporting and loving environment. The proof of that is in listening to people share in a group. People will come from incredibly different "dysfunctional families". From drug dealer parents, from gamblers, over-eaters, compulsive shoppers, sex addicts, etc. Yet these folks will all share the _same_ feelings, and the same _damage_ done to them as children. So yes, the damage _is_ that bad when compared to other alcoholics.
Originally Posted by daughter08
(Post 5915598)
... I react in immature ways and lash out at my dad because ... If _everybody_ in a toxic environment does it, then it's not "immature", it's "normal". Am I making sense with that? It's hard to explain with just text on a screen. Welcome again. I'm sorry that you felt the need to join us, but I'm glad we have been able to answer a few of your questions. Mike :) Moderator, SR |
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