Breaking point
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
P,
I just divorced my AXH after 34 years together. Talk about not wanting to be alone. I was 15 years old when we started dating. It's hxll, but I could no longer be on the roller coaster. I was going crazy and it had to stop, I had to get off. (he is still on it, getting worse as alcoholism is a progressive disease)
It took me 2 open AA meetings and 2 alanon meetings a week, plus SR every night for 10 months, to get the strength to divorce. He never thought I could/would do it. I still love my X, and that's ok. I could never live under the same roof again while he is actively using. I was sick and tired of my "addiction" to him, controlling my life. I couldn't think of anything else, I was so sick, trying to "help" him. I was no different then the way he was with his drugs and alcohol, it consumed me.
I tried everything for over 20 years, and nothing was going to" wake" him up of what I "expected" of him. You partner is an adult and is legal to drink. She can make up her own mine, the thing is, that we don't have to sit by and witness it. I always said that my X was not going to kill himself on my watch.
I am sorry for your pain and this is very overwhelming. You should respond to the therapist, they are their to help you. This is no longer about the addict in your life, it is about you, getting healthy. About you taking control of your life. Its about you protecting your children from growing up in an alcoholic home. Please have enough respect for you and your kids to get some help.
You are so deserving of a healthy life with or without your partner in your life. Hugs my friend, keep reading, and posting.
I just divorced my AXH after 34 years together. Talk about not wanting to be alone. I was 15 years old when we started dating. It's hxll, but I could no longer be on the roller coaster. I was going crazy and it had to stop, I had to get off. (he is still on it, getting worse as alcoholism is a progressive disease)
It took me 2 open AA meetings and 2 alanon meetings a week, plus SR every night for 10 months, to get the strength to divorce. He never thought I could/would do it. I still love my X, and that's ok. I could never live under the same roof again while he is actively using. I was sick and tired of my "addiction" to him, controlling my life. I couldn't think of anything else, I was so sick, trying to "help" him. I was no different then the way he was with his drugs and alcohol, it consumed me.
I tried everything for over 20 years, and nothing was going to" wake" him up of what I "expected" of him. You partner is an adult and is legal to drink. She can make up her own mine, the thing is, that we don't have to sit by and witness it. I always said that my X was not going to kill himself on my watch.
I am sorry for your pain and this is very overwhelming. You should respond to the therapist, they are their to help you. This is no longer about the addict in your life, it is about you, getting healthy. About you taking control of your life. Its about you protecting your children from growing up in an alcoholic home. Please have enough respect for you and your kids to get some help.
You are so deserving of a healthy life with or without your partner in your life. Hugs my friend, keep reading, and posting.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Brighton
Posts: 168
I did it, I arranged an app and had an initial meeting with a very nice therapist earlier today, I also have another meeting on Monday with another therapist.
Whilst talking to the lady I realised how many issues I have all wrapped and twisted around each other that need unpicking and dealing with. And how insidious these issues are that they start sneaking their way into all the everyday parts of your life - I think deep down that is what has frightened me most and made me seek help.
I also realised that stupidly I want someone to tell me how to fix my relationship but nobody can do that except me and that these therapy sessions should not be about fixing my relationship but about mending the broken bits of me so that I am capable of either seeing the light or fixing the relationship.
Atalose - you are very direct and I mean it when I say thank you for being harsh - no more pity party from me. Time to stand up and smell the roses - I can either wallow in selfpity or I can mend myself, stand up taller and figure out my situation healthily - thank you.
Thank you too for everyone's words of encouragement - it really has helped me start to "see". Thank you
Whilst talking to the lady I realised how many issues I have all wrapped and twisted around each other that need unpicking and dealing with. And how insidious these issues are that they start sneaking their way into all the everyday parts of your life - I think deep down that is what has frightened me most and made me seek help.
I also realised that stupidly I want someone to tell me how to fix my relationship but nobody can do that except me and that these therapy sessions should not be about fixing my relationship but about mending the broken bits of me so that I am capable of either seeing the light or fixing the relationship.
Atalose - you are very direct and I mean it when I say thank you for being harsh - no more pity party from me. Time to stand up and smell the roses - I can either wallow in selfpity or I can mend myself, stand up taller and figure out my situation healthily - thank you.
Thank you too for everyone's words of encouragement - it really has helped me start to "see". Thank you
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
poppet....I am so proud of you for being willing to seek therapy in a very serious way.
Over the years, I have observed that those who are willing to seek help and accept the help that is offered.....those people are the ones that get better---no matter how "bad" their situation seems......
dandylion
Over the years, I have observed that those who are willing to seek help and accept the help that is offered.....those people are the ones that get better---no matter how "bad" their situation seems......
dandylion
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
