Day 1 of No Contact
 

So last time I posted I was in total denial about a guy I had met and was not happy with the replies I got here.

Of course you were all right. Deep down I knew you were right (anvilhead in particular has ALWAYS been right!!) but I was not prepared to see the truth.

Indeed the collective wisdom of this forum proves to be correct over and over again.

I needed three rounds of idealization-devalue-discard to understand I was again taking a role on a vicious cycle, this time with a narcissist-alcoholic in denial.

This was the second toxic man I find attractive in my life.


I have been following the work of Ross Rosenberg, he changed the name "codependency" to "self love deficit disorder". He also has a YouTube channel.

Self-Love Deficit Disorder: An Interview with Ross Rosenberg, M.ED., LCPC, CADC, CSAT » everythingEHR


I will probably be documenting here my mourning process and sharing my story... on one hand I feel bad for falling in this hell again, on the other, at least it did not take me that long to see the truth beneath it all, I took action, I am throwing myself into cognitive therapy and keep being able to do healthy things for myself like going to the gym... the first time, I was unable to function for months...


Healing from my double depression is my only priority now, healing from the low self worth I have carried for 34 years... I feel it is never late to re-estructure oneself.


Thank you SR, for being a source of sanity and health regardless of how many times one has to fall in order to learn.


I feel grateful that at least I know I can change. Even with all the pain changing entails, at least there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Some people never even see that light.


:thanks

TakingCharge......Good for you!!

LOL....I would say that a huge majority of people are not happy with the replies that they get here.....

WELCOME BACK!

dandylion

It is very hard because they start out so dang charming. I'm so proud of you taking so many self care steps. I look forward to your reports with CBT, been thinking about doing that myself!

Stay strong! And change his name in your phone to something you don't want to call or answer! Very hard to justify calling "d-bag extraordinaire" :)

Hugs and love to you!

Ah dandylion, you have always been so wise.
Thank you for your reply.

It is sad but ah, the sweet smell of freedom and peace.... after being in a rollercoaster.... I am listening to some birds chirping...

I remember in one ocassion when we were fighting, he told me "you are a free spirit !!" as if it was a bad thing :lmao

I wanted to answer "oh sorry, let me be a doormat again so you can be happy..."

:lmao

CaveGirl thank you!

I hope you get to CBT... you won't regret it. It is a very practical approach to deal with the present moment, with the cards you have at the moment, trying not to spend so much time in the past or in the far future. Very pragmatic, I was tired of going to other kinds of therapy and keep re-hashing the past over and over without being able to move forward in my daily life...

It is worthy to ask professional opinions, we are all warriors here dealing with very difficult dynamics and dangerous individuals, there is no need to go at it alone....

Just 3 or 4 sessions and I am starting to feel much better, more in control of my life... :)

Toxic people can't change, my friends... or if they do, it takes years or decades of therapy, 12 step groups and commitment on their part. Sometimes it takes extremely painful life experiences and a long string of losses for them to realize they have problems.

A lot die without any sign of the most minimum introspection.

It is not our job to save others or to psychoanalyze them... we are not alive to suffer. We do not deserve mistreatment nor aggression of any kind, period.

I think this was the first time that I actually said "No" to something damaging to me and it is a good feeling. "To thy own self be true"