Has anyone ever dealt with a hypochodriac?
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Amy,
Have you heard of CHIP?
https://www.healthcare.gov/medicaid-...rance-program/
Even if your daughter is having trouble with health coverage, the kids should still be covered under the program. And in most cases, CHIP covers dental care.
Dental care is no joke. There's been some discussion if there's a direct link between oral health and heart health. I can't help but think of that actor on Buffy who died of cardiomyopathy after a dental infection spread through his bloodstream.
Speaking from personal experience, if your grandson needs a root canal and he delays it, it is not going to be pretty. I found out that I needed a root canal after my face started swelling up and I could no longer eat because it was too painful to put any pressure on my front tooth (It had cracked because I got pushed on the playground - even though the dentist repaired it through bonding - the root got infected anyway.) I had to take oral antibiotics to get rid of the infection and the swelling. I was pretty miserable, especially when I looked at the mirror and saw my distended face.
I don't want to scare you, but I wouldn't dismiss the sense of urgency that you have.
Have you heard of CHIP?
https://www.healthcare.gov/medicaid-...rance-program/
Even if your daughter is having trouble with health coverage, the kids should still be covered under the program. And in most cases, CHIP covers dental care.
Dental care is no joke. There's been some discussion if there's a direct link between oral health and heart health. I can't help but think of that actor on Buffy who died of cardiomyopathy after a dental infection spread through his bloodstream.
Speaking from personal experience, if your grandson needs a root canal and he delays it, it is not going to be pretty. I found out that I needed a root canal after my face started swelling up and I could no longer eat because it was too painful to put any pressure on my front tooth (It had cracked because I got pushed on the playground - even though the dentist repaired it through bonding - the root got infected anyway.) I had to take oral antibiotics to get rid of the infection and the swelling. I was pretty miserable, especially when I looked at the mirror and saw my distended face.
I don't want to scare you, but I wouldn't dismiss the sense of urgency that you have.
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They wouldn't qualify for CHIP. The H even though he is unemployed "earns?" about $100,000 a year gambling. Which he files tax returns on.
But, really thank you so much PuzzledHeart for posting that, because I think I somewhat forgot about the other health issues related to teeth. I do remember someone who did die because of a tooth abscess. I think I need to start out talking to my daughter about that first, then ask if she ever got him to a dentist.
I really hate this role that I have to take right now. It's like I have to placate, her, wait till she feels better then ask other questions, without her knowing that I am asking her questions. Have to make it more like a conversation.
Thank you
amy
But, really thank you so much PuzzledHeart for posting that, because I think I somewhat forgot about the other health issues related to teeth. I do remember someone who did die because of a tooth abscess. I think I need to start out talking to my daughter about that first, then ask if she ever got him to a dentist.
I really hate this role that I have to take right now. It's like I have to placate, her, wait till she feels better then ask other questions, without her knowing that I am asking her questions. Have to make it more like a conversation.
Thank you
amy
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About the report about the nodule in the thyroid. She told me that she went to a doctor for this, or talked on the phone with a doctor about this. I guess I don't listen that well anymore, or she doesn't explain things that well anymore, because after looking at facebook, she said she had a doctors appt, for this week, I talked to her on Friday. (So weather she saw a doctor or not, not sure)
She told me that there is one solid nodule in her thyroid, which the doctor said that they would watch because it is too small yet to do a biopsy on(less then 1 cm) but since it was so solid he was convinced it was malignant. But he will see her in 2 months to see if it gets larger, and if it does they will do more tests.
Again, who he is, I don't know. I doubt if I posted this result before. I doubt that because I think I would have been embarrassed about doubting her if she might really be ill.
I am sorry about that. It was just that I read that most nodules found in the thyroid are benign.
I didn't believe her. Thinks that's about all I can say.
Not going to say I believe her, because she told me this even before she posted on facebook that she found a doctor she could go see about this.
I think my guilt complex just hit me, because I don't believe anything.
Sometimes feel like she is calling "wolf" many times, but sometimes, things do happen.
For now, I will just wait for the next phone call.
amy
She told me that there is one solid nodule in her thyroid, which the doctor said that they would watch because it is too small yet to do a biopsy on(less then 1 cm) but since it was so solid he was convinced it was malignant. But he will see her in 2 months to see if it gets larger, and if it does they will do more tests.
Again, who he is, I don't know. I doubt if I posted this result before. I doubt that because I think I would have been embarrassed about doubting her if she might really be ill.
I am sorry about that. It was just that I read that most nodules found in the thyroid are benign.
I didn't believe her. Thinks that's about all I can say.
Not going to say I believe her, because she told me this even before she posted on facebook that she found a doctor she could go see about this.
I think my guilt complex just hit me, because I don't believe anything.
Sometimes feel like she is calling "wolf" many times, but sometimes, things do happen.
For now, I will just wait for the next phone call.
amy
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But I feel like I should contact my daughter tomorrow at night after her pych out patient thing, and if she is not crying, to talk about the dentist issue regarding my grandson.
I don't know what to do?
I would also like an update on the therapy that my grandson is going through, and if they found a psychiatrist yet for him.
amy
just going crazy here
I don't know what to do?
I would also like an update on the therapy that my grandson is going through, and if they found a psychiatrist yet for him.
amy
just going crazy here
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HI Amy.
I would say just slow down. One step at a time. The immediate need seems to be your grand needing dental care. So that's what I would focus on. If she does or does not have these issues, regardless, she is going to the doctor and getting the care she needs. That's all that can be done for her. So take the focus off her and communicate in whatever way is the most efficient for her to see the need to get your grand to the dentist. After that happens you can focus on the next step. It's one thing at a time my friend.
Tight hugs.
I would say just slow down. One step at a time. The immediate need seems to be your grand needing dental care. So that's what I would focus on. If she does or does not have these issues, regardless, she is going to the doctor and getting the care she needs. That's all that can be done for her. So take the focus off her and communicate in whatever way is the most efficient for her to see the need to get your grand to the dentist. After that happens you can focus on the next step. It's one thing at a time my friend.
Tight hugs.
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Hi Hopeful,
I do agree the dentist issue is the first thing that I should try to address some way, the other issue is also important though. I think I only wrote about it in the first post here. She told me that this same son sees a therapist who is suggesting that he has a disruptive mood dysregulation disorder.
She was going to find a child psychiatrist for him, and I was thinking that perhaps she could ask the psychiatrist at outpatient for a referral, and this would also open up a new line of questions for her psychiatrist.
Information about her is easy to get. I just put that thing in about the nodule because something actually did show on those test results, but the doctor does not seem too concerned about that now.
Thanks,
amy
I do agree the dentist issue is the first thing that I should try to address some way, the other issue is also important though. I think I only wrote about it in the first post here. She told me that this same son sees a therapist who is suggesting that he has a disruptive mood dysregulation disorder.
She was going to find a child psychiatrist for him, and I was thinking that perhaps she could ask the psychiatrist at outpatient for a referral, and this would also open up a new line of questions for her psychiatrist.
Information about her is easy to get. I just put that thing in about the nodule because something actually did show on those test results, but the doctor does not seem too concerned about that now.
Thanks,
amy
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Amy,
Can you trust what she tells you about what the therapist says about her child? People who exaggerate (or fabricate) symptoms of their own for attention, are likely to do the same for their family members. Some people go so far as to MAKE a child ill so they can get attention (Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy). I'm not saying she's doing that, but it's certainly possible that she's not being truthful about what the therapist said.
Of course, if his mother is a hypochondriac and drama-seeker, it undoubtedly affects him, just as living with an alcoholic parent does. So if he IS seeing a therapist, that's a good thing. But I'd take her reports about what's "wrong" with him with a large grain of salt. Hopefully the therapist sees what he's dealing with.
Can you trust what she tells you about what the therapist says about her child? People who exaggerate (or fabricate) symptoms of their own for attention, are likely to do the same for their family members. Some people go so far as to MAKE a child ill so they can get attention (Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy). I'm not saying she's doing that, but it's certainly possible that she's not being truthful about what the therapist said.
Of course, if his mother is a hypochondriac and drama-seeker, it undoubtedly affects him, just as living with an alcoholic parent does. So if he IS seeing a therapist, that's a good thing. But I'd take her reports about what's "wrong" with him with a large grain of salt. Hopefully the therapist sees what he's dealing with.
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Amy,
I have three different friends who have had thyroid nodules. None were cancer. It does happen. There is no doubt that as she ages, there will be genuine health issues that will likely trigger her even more. However, that is not something you can deal with right now, she has to deal with it.
I guess I am a little confused as to if therapist says child has an issue, why is therapist not doing a referral for additional psychiatrist follow up? Most therapist offices even have at least one psychiatrist on staff, which would at least be a start.
It also sounds to me that if her husband makes $100k a year they should be able to take that poor boy to the dentist. Just my .02 though, and I understand in dealing with her it's not easy.
Hugs my friend.
I have three different friends who have had thyroid nodules. None were cancer. It does happen. There is no doubt that as she ages, there will be genuine health issues that will likely trigger her even more. However, that is not something you can deal with right now, she has to deal with it.
I guess I am a little confused as to if therapist says child has an issue, why is therapist not doing a referral for additional psychiatrist follow up? Most therapist offices even have at least one psychiatrist on staff, which would at least be a start.
It also sounds to me that if her husband makes $100k a year they should be able to take that poor boy to the dentist. Just my .02 though, and I understand in dealing with her it's not easy.
Hugs my friend.
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All of your questions and doubts have run through my head also. I just can't say anything about it. (Need to worry about the next RO that she will slap on me.)
I have seen my grandsons temper tantrums. He is filled with rage. He never had one when he was only with me.
Do I think it could be because his mother is always telling him that she is dying, and also at this age him still sleeping with her, in case she needs meds in the middle of the night could have anything to do with it. Of course I do think that.
Or that his father apparently said he attempted suicide, (a fake one). I think it is pretty well known now that if you drop a hair dryer in the tub with the safety things in the bathrooms nowadays, that just won't happen. This guy is a science major.
So you are 9 years old and one parent is always telling you they are dying, and the other person is trying to commit suicide, what do you really expect?
Then both parents ignore him and lavish all of their love to the youngest one who is athletic.
It makes me sick just talking about this.
I feel good being able to unload things here, because if I try to do anything, I will get that RO, again. I wouldn't fight it this time.
Guess I would just like for my grandson to be seeing a psychiatrist, who can communicate with her psychiatrist while she is still in outpatient. which I don't even know if she is doing, because she hasn't called me.
My daughter had already labeled this child with autism, bi polar and now disruptive mood dysregulation disorder. The first 2 were proven untrue.
Thank you for being here for me
amy
I have seen my grandsons temper tantrums. He is filled with rage. He never had one when he was only with me.
Do I think it could be because his mother is always telling him that she is dying, and also at this age him still sleeping with her, in case she needs meds in the middle of the night could have anything to do with it. Of course I do think that.
Or that his father apparently said he attempted suicide, (a fake one). I think it is pretty well known now that if you drop a hair dryer in the tub with the safety things in the bathrooms nowadays, that just won't happen. This guy is a science major.
So you are 9 years old and one parent is always telling you they are dying, and the other person is trying to commit suicide, what do you really expect?
Then both parents ignore him and lavish all of their love to the youngest one who is athletic.
It makes me sick just talking about this.
I feel good being able to unload things here, because if I try to do anything, I will get that RO, again. I wouldn't fight it this time.
Guess I would just like for my grandson to be seeing a psychiatrist, who can communicate with her psychiatrist while she is still in outpatient. which I don't even know if she is doing, because she hasn't called me.
My daughter had already labeled this child with autism, bi polar and now disruptive mood dysregulation disorder. The first 2 were proven untrue.
Thank you for being here for me
amy
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Amy,
It's so hard to negotiate detachment when children are involved. I'm currently on a business trip, and I was buying souvenirs for my nieces today. At the cash register I thought "I hope my sister doesn't find out." Fortunately, the girls are astute enough not to bring my gifts over to their mom's house. It also makes me sad that they know that they have to do that for their own self-preservation.
Sometimes I feel like I'm in a pressure cooker because I really have to keep my lid shut when my sister does something crazy. I haven't been very good about it. I still very much struggle with the "anger fantasies" where I just give her a piece of my mind and confront her for maintaining her delusions at all costs. But I know fantasies are just that, and no good could come from giving her a piece of my mind. She would just shut down and wouldn't listen anyway.
As enabling as it is, my dad agreed to have my sister move back into the house partly because he wants to protect his grandchildren. This is just a situation where no choice is perfect, so we have to do the best we can.
No answers here, but hugs to you.
It's so hard to negotiate detachment when children are involved. I'm currently on a business trip, and I was buying souvenirs for my nieces today. At the cash register I thought "I hope my sister doesn't find out." Fortunately, the girls are astute enough not to bring my gifts over to their mom's house. It also makes me sad that they know that they have to do that for their own self-preservation.
Sometimes I feel like I'm in a pressure cooker because I really have to keep my lid shut when my sister does something crazy. I haven't been very good about it. I still very much struggle with the "anger fantasies" where I just give her a piece of my mind and confront her for maintaining her delusions at all costs. But I know fantasies are just that, and no good could come from giving her a piece of my mind. She would just shut down and wouldn't listen anyway.
As enabling as it is, my dad agreed to have my sister move back into the house partly because he wants to protect his grandchildren. This is just a situation where no choice is perfect, so we have to do the best we can.
No answers here, but hugs to you.
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My heart goes out to you again and again, and your family is ALWAYS in my prayers at night.
In any other situation I would be wanting to yell DETATCHMENT at the top of my lungs, but you have grandchildren and that kind of changes the game/ups the stakes.
You are right, your grandson is prob. acting out from contantly being told him mom is dying, that his died tried to kill himself, and having him sleep with her so he can run and get kills for diseases that are not life threatening just boggles my mind. Never mind that the other brother is the "favorite" brother and anything else that could possibly be going on in that house. I hope she does get him a psychiatrist and lets him go in without her so that she can't "steal the show" with her own "ailments". Art therapy would prob. be a wonderful thing for him, but I am not sure she would be open to it..unless she sent him to one for children with parents with a terminal disease (I still think he would get something out of it, but that is just reinforcing that his mom is dying when she isn't)
As for the dental, god I really feel how you are torn with that one. Dental care is so important and he is old enough that you can't just tell yourself "oh they are only babyteeth thank god". It is alarming how many dental issues he already had at his last check up, did they at least handle all of them or did they get set for another date that never happened? If they last year just did all that work he might be okay to skip a year (not the best situation but you aren't dealing with an easy person and he is still her son). If they still haven't done any of that extensive work that you listed, then I truly would be worried about infection and losing permanent teeth. It sounds like this kid is going to grow up with ALOT of mental demons to work out in later therapy, adding having dentures at 20 is not going to help him.
Don't forget to take care of YOU! It can get so easy to get all caught up in the chaos, please be kind with yourself.
In any other situation I would be wanting to yell DETATCHMENT at the top of my lungs, but you have grandchildren and that kind of changes the game/ups the stakes.
You are right, your grandson is prob. acting out from contantly being told him mom is dying, that his died tried to kill himself, and having him sleep with her so he can run and get kills for diseases that are not life threatening just boggles my mind. Never mind that the other brother is the "favorite" brother and anything else that could possibly be going on in that house. I hope she does get him a psychiatrist and lets him go in without her so that she can't "steal the show" with her own "ailments". Art therapy would prob. be a wonderful thing for him, but I am not sure she would be open to it..unless she sent him to one for children with parents with a terminal disease (I still think he would get something out of it, but that is just reinforcing that his mom is dying when she isn't)
As for the dental, god I really feel how you are torn with that one. Dental care is so important and he is old enough that you can't just tell yourself "oh they are only babyteeth thank god". It is alarming how many dental issues he already had at his last check up, did they at least handle all of them or did they get set for another date that never happened? If they last year just did all that work he might be okay to skip a year (not the best situation but you aren't dealing with an easy person and he is still her son). If they still haven't done any of that extensive work that you listed, then I truly would be worried about infection and losing permanent teeth. It sounds like this kid is going to grow up with ALOT of mental demons to work out in later therapy, adding having dentures at 20 is not going to help him.
Don't forget to take care of YOU! It can get so easy to get all caught up in the chaos, please be kind with yourself.
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PuzzledHeart, thank you so much for that. I would hate to be in your situation also. I did somewhat protect myself from my daughter moving in with me though. I did it purposely. I moved to a really nice community, with one of the worst school districts in the state of PA. My daughter would never move in with me.
One of the biggest things that she holds against me is, when I did get divorced, she expected me to move in with her, and become her nanny, housekeeper, landscaper, etc.... and I wouldn't do that. I feel bad for your dad.
(((((((((hugs)))))))))))
amy
One of the biggest things that she holds against me is, when I did get divorced, she expected me to move in with her, and become her nanny, housekeeper, landscaper, etc.... and I wouldn't do that. I feel bad for your dad.
(((((((((hugs)))))))))))
amy
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AdelineRose, I really want to thank you so much for your responses. It means so much to me. It's really hard to talk about these things and to get that type of understanding about it, it just really helps me so much
(((((hugs)))))
amy
(((((hugs)))))
amy
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Ok, my daughter called me today, crying......... She wanted to tell me a story and I cut her off many times. I wanted my questions answered first. They were, is your son seeing a psychiatrist yet, and is he getting dental care.
Psychiatrist was a yes answer in mid June. The dental care was they think the medical plan is ok now, and they will schedule an appt.
ummmmmm, not letting up on those 2.
She called me crying because she was so happy that her 10 y.o. son defended her against her mother in law.
I expressed some opinions about that also. I told my daughter that her medical condition should never be discussed in front of the children. (Meaning, her, her H, her mother in law, and also me.) I also told her in a non confrontational way, that you should not put this burden on your childrens shoulders.
Next was, in group therapy, about how she was surrounded by all the men there because she knows about hockey, and the girl she met there defended her to the other girls because they thought she was a "liar".
So, I got through her pity party of the day. I tried to focus it on her group support, and her children, and what she or others could be doing to her children, and I told her to stop that.
(((((((((((hugs)))))))))))
amy
Psychiatrist was a yes answer in mid June. The dental care was they think the medical plan is ok now, and they will schedule an appt.
ummmmmm, not letting up on those 2.
She called me crying because she was so happy that her 10 y.o. son defended her against her mother in law.
I expressed some opinions about that also. I told my daughter that her medical condition should never be discussed in front of the children. (Meaning, her, her H, her mother in law, and also me.) I also told her in a non confrontational way, that you should not put this burden on your childrens shoulders.
Next was, in group therapy, about how she was surrounded by all the men there because she knows about hockey, and the girl she met there defended her to the other girls because they thought she was a "liar".
So, I got through her pity party of the day. I tried to focus it on her group support, and her children, and what she or others could be doing to her children, and I told her to stop that.
(((((((((((hugs)))))))))))
amy
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IT NEVER ENDS.......
So she saw an oncologist. The oncologist told her that since there are no ridges around the nodule that it really isn't that much of a matter right now, and he will do another cat scan in 6 months to see if it got bigger. All of a sudden her voice that was raspy before, is totally fine right now. So that's that for the nodule story.
Update: My sister called me today to see if I was reading what my daughter was posting to facebook. Of course I haven't since my daughter is not on my friend list on facebook. (lol). My sister then tells me to go on her facebook to look at what is being written.
I do this reluctantly after my sister told me what it said. I needed to read that for myself. It was a pity party that she was having for herself and her husband, (both that don't work), and how he does so much for her and the family, and that she has been falling down a lot recently, so he has to assist her whenever she is walking, and even has to help her bathe. That she supported a lot of people, even strangers, and that she is asking for some help in return, in her time of need. To help clean her house, or 2 take the kids for the day, so to give her husband a break and also perhaps they could have an in-house date night.
The posts from her before this was how she went out with her friends 2 nights in the past week.
Post before that was how she just finished 2 weeks so far of her hospitalization to get her meds adjusted. (Remember this is the outpatient mental health). Someone replied that they didn't know she was hospitalized. She didn't correct them and tell them that it was outpatient. She is leading them to believe that she is hospitalized to get meds right for all her A-Z terminal illnesses.
Then my sister told me that my daughter visited my nephews wife in the hospital. This person has lymphoma. She was in the hospital because of a recurrence of the lymphoma after she received the chemo.
So, my daughter visits her, and moans and whines the entire time about her condition, and doesn't even ask my nephews wife how she was doing.
My sister asked me if I could do something about this, because the stuff on facebook is really irritating a lot of the relatives, who are all getting older and sick, and have enough of their own problems then to even think about going over to my daughters house to help out 2 unemployed people clean.
I just told my sister that I talk to my daughter for 2 reasons, and 2 reasons only. 1. for my grandchildren, 2. to get her test results, so I can calm down the family. That if I push it more then that, I will have a Restraining Order in my mailbox.
Just venting, no action is required on my part.
(((((hugs)))))
amy
So she saw an oncologist. The oncologist told her that since there are no ridges around the nodule that it really isn't that much of a matter right now, and he will do another cat scan in 6 months to see if it got bigger. All of a sudden her voice that was raspy before, is totally fine right now. So that's that for the nodule story.
Update: My sister called me today to see if I was reading what my daughter was posting to facebook. Of course I haven't since my daughter is not on my friend list on facebook. (lol). My sister then tells me to go on her facebook to look at what is being written.
I do this reluctantly after my sister told me what it said. I needed to read that for myself. It was a pity party that she was having for herself and her husband, (both that don't work), and how he does so much for her and the family, and that she has been falling down a lot recently, so he has to assist her whenever she is walking, and even has to help her bathe. That she supported a lot of people, even strangers, and that she is asking for some help in return, in her time of need. To help clean her house, or 2 take the kids for the day, so to give her husband a break and also perhaps they could have an in-house date night.
The posts from her before this was how she went out with her friends 2 nights in the past week.
Post before that was how she just finished 2 weeks so far of her hospitalization to get her meds adjusted. (Remember this is the outpatient mental health). Someone replied that they didn't know she was hospitalized. She didn't correct them and tell them that it was outpatient. She is leading them to believe that she is hospitalized to get meds right for all her A-Z terminal illnesses.
Then my sister told me that my daughter visited my nephews wife in the hospital. This person has lymphoma. She was in the hospital because of a recurrence of the lymphoma after she received the chemo.
So, my daughter visits her, and moans and whines the entire time about her condition, and doesn't even ask my nephews wife how she was doing.
My sister asked me if I could do something about this, because the stuff on facebook is really irritating a lot of the relatives, who are all getting older and sick, and have enough of their own problems then to even think about going over to my daughters house to help out 2 unemployed people clean.
I just told my sister that I talk to my daughter for 2 reasons, and 2 reasons only. 1. for my grandchildren, 2. to get her test results, so I can calm down the family. That if I push it more then that, I will have a Restraining Order in my mailbox.
Just venting, no action is required on my part.
(((((hugs)))))
amy
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