jenniferlynne76

Thank you pandblvr. You are quite right. And I found myself thinking about this tonight. Even if he were to commit a program and have a substantial period of sobriety under his belt ... I would surely be waiting for the other proverbial shoe to drop for all of my days. And this doesn't seem like something anyone would choose if given the option... Yes, I am most definitely in pain now. But at least I have a true opportunity to get off of this roller coaster for good.

Hawkeye13

I'm sorry because this kind of breaking up hurts so much--hard as it is,
now you can start the healing process.

Refiner

J - I'm happy for you that you got to the next important step in your life! It hurts I know, but the proverbial bandaid is off.

tigerlily1

So glad you were able to follow through with that choice. I know it hurts so much! Also glad you have support in place to help you begin the healing process. Wish I would have been strong like you and left many years ago. If you saw my thread I am currently in the process of leaving after 16 years. I know it's painful but I am glad you walked away now!! Hugs!!

Praying

Sending you hugs and prayers for restful sleep tonight.

I posted a list of the most hurtful things on my bathroom mirror for a while. It was an everyday reminder in case he came back with his puppy dog eyes and apologies and promises. Even when he didn't and I started reminiscing, I'd read them. It helped a lot.

ladyscribbler

Sending you a big hug. And give those kitties a scratch behind the ears for me. Sorry if any of my responses on your other thread ever seemed harsh. I'm the last person to be judging someone for staying in a dysfunctional relationship. (Check out my old posts if you want).
I just know that you deserve so much better, and I hope you can use this as a catalyst to heal and work on your recovery so that you never find yourself settling for crumbs when you deserve the whole cake.

jenniferlynne76

Thank you Hawkeye. As much as the pre-break up was "one day at a time," I think this post-break up period *really* will be too...

jenniferlynne76

Indeed, Refiner. Now I must allow the wound to breathe and heal. And that, too, will take time.

jenniferlynne76

I did see your post. Please kind to yourself and know I'm praying for strength and guidance for you at this difficult time. What you did was so brave. Above all, know you are cared for and please keep moving forward. The support and resources are here, as I've discovered myself. ((HUGS))

jenniferlynne76

Thank you praying. I did have a restful night's sleep. I woke up around 5:30am and the first thing that hit my brain was "oh my goodness! What have I done?!" And I had pretty much the same reaction after waking up just now." I suppose it will take some time for that to stop. So that list may really come in handy. I don't want to catch myself constantly romanticizing what was primarily a big series of disappointments.

jenniferlynne76

Aw... Thank you lady-scribbler! You must have kitties of your own. ;-) My boys thank you kindly.

Please know I didn't find any of your earlier posts overly harsh, and know that all of you have been sharing and advising from your own personal places of experience and concern for my wellbeing. I have nothing but gratitude for that, my friends.

Now the hard work *really* begins.

redatlanta

Sending you lots of hugs Jennifer! I am hoping in the coming days you will feel a bit of relief mingled in.

Kitty love is the best!!

jenniferlynne76

Thank you, redatlanta! ((HUGS)) I agree...kitty love is so wonderful. Especially at times like these.

I've been spending a ton of time catching up with my girlfriends today, making plans for the future, which is helping to pass the time and reminding me of the good stuff in life. ❤️

jenniferlynne76

It's funny how the little things sometimes get you mind tripping over the past. I spent four hours on the phone with a girlfriend this morning who I was long overdue for a catch up with and we made plans for her to come and visit over Memorial Day weekend. Then I made plans to go to a movie and lunch with another girlfriend in a few weeks. I played with the kitties and was feeling fine.

I admit, it's been strange not hearing from XABF at all today -- the lack of texts this afternoon has been a little unsettling to me. I guess I just miss someone checking in to see how my day is going and I, of course, I'm wondering how his workday is going, too. But when it really hit me was at the grocery store! I ran out to get a few items and was just slammed by this overwhelming sadness. One of the things we first did together when I'd moved to his home state for the job that didn't work out was grocery shop and cook together. I just wasn't expecting to feel such grief in that particular place.

And for a moment I admit, I contemplated texting him. And then I stopped myself -- of course. I reminded myself that this is going to hurt; there are going to be memories; and that all of the plans I'd made with friends in the last 24 hours would go out the window if he was still in my life because he's been demanding so much of my time (due to the fact that he has no friends but me).

Still, I really do need to make that list of all of the things that he did that hurt. I need a quick reminder to refer to in those teary moments that could easily lead to weakness on my part. (And you know what's really sad? I also had this thought that he probably hasn't given me much of a thought at all today...that, as usual, I'm likely agonizing over this far more than he is...)

Thanks for listening. I just needed to "talk," and have a little cry.

dandylion

Jennifer.....others have mentioned, as well as myself, that the grocery store (of all things) is where it really hits....at first.
But, that does fade, over time, with everything else....

after my stepfather died...my sister went Christmas Shopping with my mother.
My mother, who doesn't cry easily..and NEVER in public.....began sobbing and had to leave the shopping center..
A similar thing, I think.....

dandylion

honeypig

JL, you are not the first, last or only one to cry in the grocery store, for sure. Read down a ways in this thread and you'll see the confessions of fellow grocery store criers:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ough-week.html

Keep on putting one foot in front of the other. It gets better, bit by bit (altho not always in a linear progression)!

Bekindalways

Just one day at a time JL. Unless it gets bad then you might shorten it to 15 minutes at a time.

I used to think about going No-contact with my qualifier like a sober alcoholic counting days since the last drink. I counted days since I had last talked to him; I kept thinking that everyday I went without contact was one day closer to healing.

Hugs and hope to you beautiful one!!!

dandylion

Jennifer....in AA, they get a chip at certain milestones.
Maybe, reward yourself at certain milestones.....

things like: at week one....buy yourself a new sexy dress....
at week 2....sign up for a belly dancing class (so much fun)....
at week 3..... go to an outdoor concert with a girlfriend...
at week 4.....have a party at your house....invite a few girlfriends to bring a dish and play board games, together....

every little bit helps....(ask me how I know).....

dandylion

Wisconsin

((HUGS)) JL.

I hope that getting into your weekday routine will help keep your mind occupied during the week, and that the ache will start to fade, bit by bit.

jenniferlynne76

It's helping some. And I'm spending a LOT of time catching up with friends and such. Trying to push him to the back of my mind as much as physically possible. Between that and work I'm doing better (for now at least!). ((HUGS))