My AH is in Rehab... Now What? - Page 3 - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Old 04-19-2016, 01:36 PM   #41 (permalink)
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I was married to a bipolar alcoholic that used cocaine and sex when he was in manic episodes. I met him during (what must have been, in hindsight) a manic episode, and he was funny, charming, the life of the party. I got swept up in adventure and great sex, married him, and then the anvil dropped. The cocaine use came out. That was ancient history according to him (I'm no longer convinced that is true). I know, in hindsight, that he cheated on me with at least one woman from work.

I'm not saying your AH is bipolar -- I'm not a doctor -- but I can say that the alcoholism, the cheating, the clandestine drug use, the missing money, the lying, the coverups, and the manipulation and triangulation of friends and family, ended up being the real dealbreakers.

I strongly urge you to consider what kind of behavior you are willing to accept as part of the fabric of your marriage. Even if your husband is the one in a million that beats four major compulsive disorders and possibly mental illness on top of that, the cheating, drug use, and history of addiction and lying will forever be a piece of your story. Forget him for a minute -- how do you feel about that? Is that what you want for yourself? How would you advise a friend or a daughter or a sister in this situation?

When I left I was worried that he would suddenly figure it all out and be a changed man, and I would miss being able to be with the perfect guy I married. I can tell you, four years out, that not a single thing has changed in his life. He just move on to different enablers.
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Old 04-19-2016, 02:59 PM   #42 (permalink)
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^ yes!!!!!
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Old 04-20-2016, 06:48 AM   #43 (permalink)
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Well said Florence!
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Old 04-20-2016, 09:09 PM   #44 (permalink)
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BB.... Hope you are still all right and hanging in there. Sometimes with tragedy we get flooded with all types of emotion, first being shock which sometimes can be desensitizing and as days pass it begins turning more into sadness and depression. Be strong. Hugs
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Old 04-22-2016, 10:15 PM   #45 (permalink)
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Hi all,

Wanted to thank everyone for the advice. I really do appreciate it. I found that too much of my time is going to someone else's disease. I need to work on my recovery now. My AH is still in rehab (8 days in now), my nightmares have stopped and I'm almost sleeping thru the night. Got my blood work done today to make sure I'm okay and pulled my credit.

I'm making a conscious effort to find some happiness everyday and really work the al-anon program. I've fallen back in love with running, the gym (it's been too long since I went) and music. im fortunate to have a great group of friends.

And I'm trying to carefully think out all aspects (emotional, financial, logistical) of life for when my AH gets out of rehab.

I'll keep you all posted.

Best,

BB
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Old 04-23-2016, 05:26 AM   #46 (permalink)
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Bravo!! Keep up the work on you. Glad to hear you are moving toward your own health instead of focusing energy on a problem that someone else needs to solve!
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Old 04-23-2016, 05:28 AM   #47 (permalink)
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Good for you, BetrayedBride!!

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Old 04-23-2016, 07:54 PM   #48 (permalink)
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Whoot! Good for you
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alcohol addiction , cocaine , codependancy , husband , sex addiction


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