caretaker88

So, I did it! I signed a lease today for a place for me and my boys! After last night's belittling, insulting and emotionally abusive behavior on ABF's part, I am done.

I was kind of wishy-washy in my brain while I was trying to sleep last night on what I should do, but on the way to school this morning, my oldest son said that he heard my and soon to be ABF fighting last night. He said he was scared of the way he ABF was talking to me. That completely crushed me... and gave me the clarity I so desperately needed. And with that, referring to a post from a couple days ago, I instantly decided "NOT THIS!!!!" I will no longer stand for it! I dropped the boys off at school and started searching for a place to live, and the gods smiled down on me! I found the perfect place, right next to the kids' school right away! This reinforced my decision to get out! I looked at it and it really was perfect for us! An hour later, I signed the lease! It felt so empowering and I felt free for the first time in many years. It was like the shackles are gone and I can finally breathe!

So, in light of this, I would like to compile a list of songs. Music is a huge part of my life and I think that compiling a playlist would help me keep up the momentum! What song(s) give you strength or make you feel empowered?

Thanks to everyone for their wise words and support you have given me since I joined SR! Sincerely, it has been a life-saver!

AnvilheadII

um, not to take anything away from the power of music....but what about just remembering what your SON said? do you need MORE motivation that his fear?

honeypig

I don't think caretaker is necessarily looking for motivation; it sounds like she's taking action. There is nothing wrong with wanting a soundtrack for that, IMHO.

I'll contribute this song and story: When I walked out of the courthouse from filing for divorce in the fall of 2014, I turned on the car radio just to hear some other kind of noise in my head. There was the Who, doing "Won't Get Fooled Again", w/that stupendous scream from Roger Daltrey! Don't know if that is your type of music, but it was perfect for me...

Whenever I hear that song on the radio, I remember that day.

caretaker88

Believe me, I don't! I just would like some background music while I am going through this. Other people's experiences are so powerful for me and I wonder how they make it through and keep their resolve strong! That is why I signed the lease immediately. I didn't want to be manipulated into staying. I paid the deposit, signed the lease, ensuring I will NOT back down. I am weak, but I am finding the strength to get through this.

I must say, as I am sure many people here have gone through this, I KNOW that it would be INSANE to stay after my son said this, but I am positive other people's children have expressed their fear, but they are so scared to leave the situation! I'm scared and so very broken, so this step is like a giant leap for me!

caretaker88

I like ALL music! I could maybe do without polka, but if the shoe fits....

hopeful4

It is a giant leap, but one that you will take and be glad that you did. There is relief in action. There is also relief in getting it past you.

Many, many hugs to you. Listen to your kids, they are the ones who should be first and foremost in why you make the decisions you make.

FireSprite

Wait. Not everyone has a movie score playing in the background of their life, narrating their every scene? Just me? Oh.

I kid, but there's a lot of truth in this. Music is a sanctuary for me a lot of the time. I have many, many, many thoughts on this topic, lol. Here are a couple of (long) older threads on the subject:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...983-music.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...us-alanon.html

firebolt

I listen to Tom Petty's "Don't Come Around Here No More" A LOT lately

caretaker88

Also, I have not told ABF yet. He will get home later tonight from work and I will tell him then. I called my ex-husband and he is taking the boys overnight tonight. I also called ABF's ex-wife to let her know that he is drinking again and that I am leaving. She is not going to let their kids come over to his house if he cannot be sober. This is part of their divorce decree. She was very understanding and supportive. We also agreed that I could come over to her house to tell he kids myself that I am moving out. I don't want them to think that any of this is their fault and that I will be there for them if they need me. I appreciate that so much! His kids were part of the reason I was staying, before I had my slap-in-the-face moment of clarity this morning!

dandylion

caretaker....My go to song for this purpose is "I'll Take You There" by the Staple singers.....Mavis Staples.....

dandylion

dandylion

Yes, caretaker....this is one Giant step for you!!
Now, turn on Mavis Staples and soar........

dandylion

honeypig

firebolt, when I was wavering about the divorce/separation, Tom Petty said "I Won't Back Down"! (you can stand me up at the gates of Hell...)

Dandy, when I get back from work, I'll use my newfound superpower of posting videos to the forum to put videos for this music!!

Man, I can hardly wait--hope work goes fast today!

Caretaker, this will be a fun thread for you, I think! You might also be amused by this thread:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...s-3-songs.html

dandylion

Me too, honeypig.....I think we are on to something good!

Your incredible photos bring beauty and wonder to our lives on a daily basis.....
and, now, we can have the healing of music.......can't get much better than this....

dandylion

Bekindalways

Titanium by David Guetta!!

Love the list idea!

caretaker88

Thanks everyone! Sorry I had to leave the forum for a couple of hours... Kid duties! I have to make supper and get them ready to go to their dad's. Then informing my ABF of what I am doing. I have a hotel room book and I am checking in after I drop off the boys. I don't know how he will react for sure, but I know I need to make sure I stay safe. I have a back-up plan for it. My ex is going to call me after ABF should have been home for about 30 minutes to make sure everything is ok. And then every 30 minutes until I call safe from the hotel. Please pray for me to have strength and to have an aura of safety around me! Thank you everyone!

I can't wait to see more songs! And the links are so awesome! I am finding so much strength already! Wooohooo! I am already feeling like I weigh 100 pounds lighter!

dandylion

caretaker.....very wise of you to take these safety precautions!

dandylion

CaveGirl

I was going to suggest some precautions but you are on it! Good luck!!

For songs I really like head like a hole by nine inch nails or killing in the name by rage against the machine. (These songs are no child or work friendly but boy do they get the anger out!! Nothing wrong with a well timed f-bomb!)

caretaker88

yes! nothing like getting your rage out!!!! I haven't thought about those songs in years! I just downloaded them! Thanks!

caretaker88

"I'd rather die than give you control"

Curlyq268

Caretaker - Music truly does heal the soul. Wish I had more than just one song to offer right now. I'm sure more will come to me... Another Tom Petty jam (he really does speak to the soul). Whenever I feel a big change in my life occurring, I always lean on one of my all time favorite Petty songs "Time to Move On". Reminds me that although we have no idea what lies ahead, the only thing we can do is move forward in life. Best of luck to you in this new adventure!