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- - Not This (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/friends-family-alcoholics/389176-not.html)

Quote:

Originally Posted by wanttobehealthy (Post 5896223)

Saw this article below on a dear friends facebook wall... read it-- over and over... It's amazing.

Thought that this was perhaps a sticky worthy post (admins?) because it so beautifully sums up the idea that I know was so damn hard for me and is probably hard for a lot of us, that we do NOT have to be absolutely, quantifiably sure in order to say "no, not this" and make changes that are good for us....

The author is Elizabeth Gilbert... I'll post as a reply below, what my own feelings were upon reading it-- Just had to share it with you all!

. Thank you for posting ! Actual tears streaming down my face. "Not this!" What comes next. takes a lot of courage. Thank you Amen!:tyou for posting

Quote:

Originally Posted by OnlyOneProblem (Post 5896797)

Excellent article. Thanks for sharing.

I recall in the summer of 2013 when I said “NOT THIS”, I did not have a plan B. It didn’t matter. I had enough. I also felt that continuing to live in my alcoholic marriage would kill me.

RAH has been sober since that time. Attends meetings 5 days a week. Life is much better. What I didn’t realize at that time was stopping the drinking was only the first step. Embracing recovery and working the program requires time and patience.

I find myself today considering NOT THIS. His unacceptable behavior, holding a resentment towards me without taking the time to talk to me like an adult about his feelings and having that resentment be reflected on me in the same manner as if he were drinking is tiring.

I attended a meeting today and walked away with some golden nuggets that I’m sure will help me on my journey.

Thanks for your experience, strength and hope. You are awesome!

Isn't it funny (not ha ha, more ah ha) that wherever we are in our paths along life and figuring ourselves out, there is ALWAYS going to be a need for reminding of this-- that we can say 'not this' and that that IS enough.

2013- summer of that year too for me was when I reached the 'not this' point... It has been a long journey-- one I will be on for the rest of my life.. but I have to say, it's a whole lot better living life this way than it was in the pre-not this years!

The validation of knowing that I need not justify, rationalize or have ANYONE else agree with me and that I can simply say 'not this' and not for me, and no more and that that IS enough for me to make a decision, is just amazing and overwhelming...

I almost want to go get this tatooed on myself somewhere to look at 1,000,000 times a day...

Sounds like you are putting to work this not this-ness day to day too! So happy for you!

I have come back to read this several times now!! My heart body and soul are screaming NOT THIS but my brain still says BUT!!!! This truly is one of the most painful places to live! I pray soon and very soon I will say with my brain NOT THIS!! This post spoke to me like non other. Thank you!

Quote:

Originally Posted by tigerlily1 (Post 5896903)

Hope you can get there sooner rather than later TL. It is indeed a painful place to live.

Quote:

Originally Posted by tigerlily1 (Post 5896903)

You know, the indecision for me was the worst place to be. Even though deciding on "not this" and then seeing what came next meant a lot of sucky stuff for some periods of time, the act of deciding, committing and trusting that I could make it, sometimes just 5 minutes at a time, until 5 minutes led to an hour and then a half day and a day and so on... that act of DECIDING relieved 99% of the stress I felt...

I know how hard it is. I spent years in self imposed purgatory of not deciding... At some point the angst of not deciding was worse for me than saying "not this anymore" and jumping into the unfamiliar....

Wishing you whatever you are needing at this time to make choices that are best for you

Quote:

Originally Posted by tigerlily1 (Post 5896903)

I am in the same place. I find myself saying "If he does this right now I will stay" or "if this song comes on the radio, I will leave". I am trying to rationalize this insane life I am living. I am looking for answers outside of myself; to prove myself wrong. I know that my body and soul is screaming to get out, but I continue to stay. I make excuses that I don't want to leave his kids alone in this mess; that I am abandoning them if I leave. But, what about my kids? What about me? I am just struggling with this decision. I think that deep down I think I am not worthy of better, which I rationally know isn't true, but I think my self-esteem has been completely demolished these past few years.

Thank you for the great read.

I said NOT THIS to everything in my life nearly 1.5 years ago--my toxic relationship, my toxic community, my toxic job. I sold my house, closed my business, pack my car and left. I let go with both hands. I worked for room and board across the country. I lived with strangers who became friends. I learned many new skills. I experienced JOY almost every day. Yesterday I started an outdoor education program at a gorgeous university. I'm living in a cabin on campus. I can see the ocean from it! I didn't have much of a plan when I left Toxicville, but it didn't matter at that point. I had to leave the misery I had been living. I'm not sure what comes next for me, but I think it will be something good. I used to have PTSD. It was horrible to live with. I had a lot of therapy and I recovered. If I can do this, so can you.

Hello Everyone,
I don't post often anymore, but I've come here for a couple of hours almost every day for the past year. (I can't believe it has been a year! So much has changed in my life!) This thread was the one that hit me so hard and really gave me a reality check. I thought it could be useful to our newcomers.

And thank you to everyone for your wisdom. I feel so indebted to the SR community. I hope to be an inspiration at some point as well.

Jamie

Thanks for bumping, caretaker. I think this is a great thread, too, and I have the "Not This" piece saved in my recovery folder. I sent it to my sis this past summer, hoping it might be useful to her.

Sometimes all we know is "not this." And it's enough to know that, and no more. The rest will come if we let it.

Bumping up this EXCELLENT thread. Have sent "Not This" a few more folks over the past year or so.

Hoping it sheds some light for us this time around, too.

Thank you for bumping this Honeypig! I had quite a visceral reaction to it. Something I hope to teach my child is to trust his "NOT THIS" feeling and act accordingly.