Trying to remain detached
 

It's coming up on 6 months since I and my STBXAW separated; and there has been limited contact over the last few months mostly on an as needed basis. I have tried to stay as detached as possible and for the most part I've done well and have really enjoyed the peacefulness and having a sane home to come home to every day.

We had originally agreed to a mutual consent divorce to speed things up and make it as quick and clean as possible; however, she is becoming greedy and her lawyer's most recent offer has really irritated me as she's gone back on her word on what things she would want and wouldn't want in the divorce. (I know, I can't trust anything she ever says, and that I shouldn't get upset over it; but it still makes me angry) I had been the primary provider throughout most of our marriage, so I have the most to lose; and it feels insulting that after all that she put me through she's trying to take more from me.

So what I have been doing the last few weeks, per my legal advice, is documenting everything that has happened throughout the marriage, including her affair which started in 2013 and continued to this day. This is so we could (if needed) go about this as an "at fault" divorce instead of a mutual consent.

I was doing well with the detachment; but documenting everything has brought back all of the emotions and is as though I'm reliving all of those moments, although without the confusion. And while I've done a decent job staying on my side of the street during our separation, I am finding that I am straying a little bit during this. I recently found pictures on her FB page of her being at his house; I knew they were still seeing each other and it was one of the primary reasons for me leaving her, the only difference is that she's trying to hide it less. Some of this may be useful in my case, so I think I should be looking for evidence; but a part of me doesn't want to look for it as it does nothing but cause me more sadness, pain, anger and resentment. And I am fighting the urge to expose to the world that "they" are one of the main reasons why we are getting divorced. I know I shouldn't as it doesn't do my recovery any good, but I just want karma to come a little quicker.

Anyway, I'm just feeling a little frustrated right now as this nears the end and needed to rant a little bit.

(((Splinter)))

I would feel kicked while I was down as well.

I hope that documenting all the BS (while very painful, I know)has reinforced that all you are going through now will provide you with a GOOD outcome....with a happy life that you deserve.

Keep taking care of yourself....keep plugging along...know that the bad feelings are temporary especially since now you are almost rid of a large source of negativity and pain in your life.

Karma will come, and I could bet than when it does, you'll be in such a healthy place that you really won't care that it did.

Rant here any time - we get it!

Splinter.....I actually think that 6mo. is a bit soon to expect that you will be past the emotions of anger, sadness, resentment, pain, etc......
This is a process and it comes in waves and stages......
Added to this....is the fact that you are not even through the divorce p rocess, yet....
I think that many divorces that start out as "friendly and agreeable".....change as it gets closer to finality. That is one reason to have the lawyers....

As for karma....the best "revenge" is living well and being happy.....

Your fellings are understandable.... Try to work through them with your therapy.....
It will take the time that it takes....

dandylion