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Old 04-09-2016, 12:25 PM
  # 41 (permalink)  
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wantobehealthy......Great!!!

Now, that a boundary was established and he responded (thus far)......
RESIST the temptation to go soft on him.....just because he did the right thing this one time.....
With a crazy narcissist.....hardball is the only game they understand......

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Old 04-09-2016, 12:28 PM
  # 42 (permalink)  
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It really does help to have that buffer of a lawyer in the mix, too.

What I did, when my last ex sent a letter whining about how much money he got out of the sale of property we owned and demanding more, was to write a letter spelling out what he had agreed to, pointing out that once the capital gains taxes were paid (by me) he actually owed ME money, which I would forgo unless he made an issue out of how much he got. I emailed it to my lawyer, who put it on her letterhead and sent it. Never heard a peep after that, and I think my legal fees were like $50 for the time spent reading my email and putting it on letterhead/mailing it.

Good job--and this will get easier, with practice.

ETA, the money he would have owed me was like a thousand bucks or so, but this was a $300k-plus property sale and I had no problem absorbing the extra taxes for the sake of being free of his whining. But I wasn't about to give him a penny more.
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Old 04-09-2016, 03:04 PM
  # 43 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by dandylion View Post
wantobehealthy......Great!!!

Now, that a boundary was established and he responded (thus far)......
RESIST the temptation to go soft on him.....just because he did the right thing this one time.....
With a crazy narcissist.....hardball is the only game they understand......

dandylion
Oh there is NO chance of going soft on him. Wage garnishment will go into effect for the remainder of the arrears and his payment today shows damn well to the court (if and when we get there again) that he KNOWINGLY was in arrears AND was able to pay.

Frankly, his payment, although a good gesture toward catching up, also made him look like the manipulative a$$hat he is.

Win win for me.
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Old 04-09-2016, 03:08 PM
  # 44 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by LexieCat View Post
It really does help to have that buffer of a lawyer in the mix, too.
Yes. He took it seriously bc that email was from her. For sure. Well worth the small cost to me to have her do that.

What I did, when my last ex sent a letter whining about how much money he got out of the sale of property we owned and demanding more, was to write a letter spelling out what he had agreed to, pointing out that once the capital gains taxes were paid (by me) he actually owed ME money, which I would forgo unless he made an issue out of how much he got. I emailed it to my lawyer, who put it on her letterhead and sent it. Never heard a peep after that, and I think my legal fees were like $50 for the time spent reading my email and putting it on letterhead/mailing it.
That's brilliant! It's similar to what I did. I laid out to my lawyer what I wanted to have happen and what my end of patience limits were and basically wrote the email that she sent him.

Good job--and this will get easier, with practice.
I hope so! This week was hellish anxiety wise...

ETA, the money he would have owed me was like a thousand bucks or so, but this was a $300k-plus property sale and I had no problem absorbing the extra taxes for the sake of being free of his whining. But I wasn't about to give him a penny more
Exactly! The principle of fairness and what's right and the audacity they have to whine no matter what they get is BS.

If xAH had proposed months ago to pay only a portion back of the arrears, I likely would have said fine.

His arrogance, his entitlement and his BS has blown up in his face. Again. Now he will owe every cent.
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Old 04-09-2016, 03:12 PM
  # 45 (permalink)  
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so do you finally see the little man behind the curtain??? he's a chihuahua barking thru a bullhorn....it SOUNDS loud and fierce, but it's just a tiny little thing the size of a football. next time he "barks" bring that visual to mind...........there is NOTHING to fear anymore.
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Old 04-09-2016, 03:14 PM
  # 46 (permalink)  
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WTBH,

I just want to say this is the best news. I have a very happy heart today after hearing this.



((((((((((((big hugs to you today)))))))))))))
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Old 04-09-2016, 03:18 PM
  # 47 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by AnvilheadII View Post
so do you finally see the little man behind the curtain??? he's a chihuahua barking thru a bullhorn....it SOUNDS loud and fierce, but it's just a tiny little thing the size of a football. next time he "barks" bring that visual to mind...........there is NOTHING to fear anymore.
That's an AWESOME visual!

I think that is what has relieved me MOST about this. I could give two hoots about the money... But realizing that my worst fear (holding him accountable will result in him fighting me to take the girls and hurt them in the process) wasn't realized, makes me a lot more inclined to quasi-comfortably hold him accountable without too much fear, going forward.

In the past, when he's had lots of money he had his bulldog horror show snake of a lawyer make my life hell, legally. But I think he can't (thank god) afford him anymore.

So when it's just he and I going head to head, I am far less afraid than I have ever been.
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Old 04-09-2016, 07:51 PM
  # 48 (permalink)  
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WTBH,

I really want you to keep reading this post, especially from today.

I'm so happy that you want to go for the garnishment of wages. The garnishment I was going for was from a federal pension. He didn't think he needed to do anything about an open court case garnishment. We were up to date with the alimony, but the court didn't know that, and they garnished the most that they could do. It was 1/2 of his net check.

Keep us up to date on this, and I have to say this, "You are terrific".

I can only imagine how you felt after you got the cc from your lawyer on the email. I would think that you were worrying a lot. Then you get there and you are handed a $4000. check. I can also only imagine how that felt. I know I would have been biting my tongue, so that I would not laugh, smile, or do a happy dance, then and there.

When are your girls coming home? Are they home already?

Thinking of you and your girls.

(((((hugs)))))
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Old 04-09-2016, 08:27 PM
  # 49 (permalink)  
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Amy,
He kept the girls for 4 hours-- dropped them off hungry and crying. Fun times with Dad as usual... So they've been home for more than they were away...
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Old 04-09-2016, 08:33 PM
  # 50 (permalink)  
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They always show their true colors. Too bad for him that, while they have be obvious to you, they are now becoming obvious to others, including the courts.
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Old 04-09-2016, 08:50 PM
  # 51 (permalink)  
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WTBH,

I am really glad that they are home now, but I thought he had an overnight with them.

I'm so sorry that he couldn't even feed them.

I have to say this again, he gets me more angry then my own ex does. I have to actually deal with the niceness treatment from my ex this month. (lol)

So, tell us about the garnishment. It sounded like your lawyer was giving him option A, you bring at least $4000, with you, or Option B --- we are going for a garnishment.

I really am doing happy dances for you that you got that win, and yes, you also got that win/win. He did have the money, he just didn't want to pay it.

I would take some of that money and buy new outfits for you and your daughter, and then go out to dinner, somewhere the girls would want to go to.

Just remember, I'm always here for you.

and remember, you went after a bully and you won.

((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))
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Old 04-10-2016, 05:16 AM
  # 52 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by wanttobehealthy View Post
Amy,
He kept the girls for 4 hours-- dropped them off hungry and crying. Fun times with Dad as usual... So they've been home for more than they were away...
Maybe he's broke. Hee hee hee. Bravo! Amazing isn't it? Bullies and abusers are weaklings. I am hoping that the "new you" brings out a better him. As in, he loses interest in provoking you because you are non-responsive, and he ends up in trouble.
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Old 04-10-2016, 06:04 AM
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^ every word. Bravo to you, WTBH!!
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