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Old 04-06-2016, 05:54 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Does your parenting plan direct how you are supposed to contact each other and does it have any restrictions regarding contact?
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Old 04-06-2016, 06:02 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by redatlanta View Post
Does your parenting plan direct how you are supposed to contact each other and does it have any restrictions regarding contact?
Nope. Unfortunately. It's very vague.... There is a line about how neither party will use communication about matters of the kids as a means of harassing or intimidating the other but there's no consequence tied to it.

And it was a hard fought battle to finalize it with all the conditions about sobriety in it so I am hesitant to motion the court to modify it to add stricter terms about communicating... Since any modification hearing would inevitably get xAH the chance to rant about the breathalyzer element, that's a gamble I haven't wanted to take.

But it sucks.

And it was a mistake for me to not include that.

I was SO focussed on getting the breathalyzer steps and conditions in there that I missed some other stuff-- like adding in that he can't contact me repeatedly.
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Old 04-06-2016, 06:07 PM
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You were working under ungodly circumstances, so of course you didn't get everything you should have; however, what you do have works in this particular instance.

I would go ahead and file my taxes, claiming both girls, then once that is done, reply to his email with one line...my taxes have been filed and I claimed both girls, as is stated in the Final Order. Then, I would attach the clause in the order giving you permission to do so.

Then, go on about your business. He can't do anything about it.
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Old 04-06-2016, 06:22 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by suki44883 View Post
You were working under ungodly circumstances, so of course you didn't get everything you should have; however, what you do have works in this particular instance.
Thanks Hindsight is 20:20 right?

I would go ahead and file my taxes, claiming both girls, then once that is done, reply to his email with one line...my taxes have been filed and I claimed both girls, as is stated in the Final Order. Then, I would attach the clause in the order giving you permission to do so.
The last conversation I had with him about this- - really more of a statement on my part and whining from him was me saying I would claim both girls and that it's bc he is not current. And he said:

"what? how am I not current? you mean you think I'm actually going to pay the __________ (enter CS amt he is not paying here). No f'ing way is that ever gonna happen"

Then I hung up.

So my email will not a surprise to him. And I filed the taxes last night so I suppose I ought to send the email but knowing he is coming this weekend to see the girls for one of the weekend days, makes me want to wait until AFTER he has left and gone away to send it....

Then, go on about your business. He can't do anything about it.
Well, he will try I am sure. He seems to enjoy the process of filing things with the court bc it is disruptive to my job, my life, my peace of mind... So whether there is any merit to his stuff, he will undoubtedly make an issue of this.

And at the end of the day, it's not even a lot of $ that I get by claiming both kids... But I could see xAH arguing, if I let him claim one while he's in arrears, that I implied the arrearage was ok by not following the decree about being behind and not claiming kids....

I guess I've decided it is time to draw the line...
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Old 04-06-2016, 07:06 PM
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Anvil's exactly right. You file what you're entitled to, and he's responsible for his own filing. If he claims when he's not entitled to claim, oh WELL. Guess he gets a tax penalty (and, god willing, a full audit).

He's trying to make you responsible for what he does. You don't have to have any exchange whatsoever about it. He knows he isn't current, so he's not entitled to the allowance. Period.
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Old 04-06-2016, 07:10 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by LexieCat View Post
Anvil's exactly right. You file what you're entitled to, and he's responsible for his own filing. If he claims when he's not entitled to claim, oh WELL. Guess he gets a tax penalty (and, god willing, a full audit).

He's trying to make you responsible for what he does. You don't have to have any exchange whatsoever about it. He knows he isn't current, so he's not entitled to the allowance. Period.
My CPA friend told me we BOTH will get audited if we both claim the same kid(s)... So I have nothing to hide and my being audited is fine-- but it is a PAIN IN THE ARSE that I would prefer to NOT deal with...

That's my one annoyance that makes me inclined to let him claim one-- but I filed already so I need to stop second guessing things...
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Old 04-06-2016, 07:56 PM
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Yes, it may be a headache but it's HIS problem. You are following the order, that's what you're supposed to do. That's all you have to do.
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Old 04-06-2016, 08:50 PM
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The IRS will reject the 2nd filing of the person trying to use dependent already claimed, not necessarily audit. Its a mistake that happens often.
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Old 04-07-2016, 05:12 AM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by atalose View Post
The IRS will reject the 2nd filing of the person trying to use dependent already claimed, not necessarily audit. Its a mistake that happens often.
Thank you! My teacher friend who was a CPA before being a teacher told me that if he tries to also claim the girls as dependent's (which seems insane he would be able to as they do not EVER live with him) it would trigger an audit for us both... I am comforted by your message.... Endless drama with this jackass...
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Old 04-07-2016, 05:50 AM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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IF they catch it, it might be nothing more than a letter to you both asking for one of you to amend your filing. IF you are audited it will be a while before that happens its usually 1 to 2 years later.

For your "just in case"......I would send a certified letter with a copy of the portion of the decree allowing you to claim them if he is not current on CS, and state they were claimed by YOU per the Order.

You don't have to do that.....its just one thing for him to feign ignorance, and having made an innocent mistake. Its another to purposely defraud Big Brother.

WTBH, why don't you file to get the child support from him?
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Old 04-07-2016, 06:05 AM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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The part about both of you being audited might not be accurate. My ex claimed our son as a dependent after I had and only he was audited. At that time we didn't have any type of court orders concerning custody or tax dependency and he wasn't paying any cs. We had lived apart for the last 3 months of the tax year and ax tried to claim that DS was living with him for the rest of the year before that when we were living together. And also that he and I had a "deal" where he didn't have to pay cs and got to claim DS on his taxes, lol.
He ranted and raved and threatened me with "fraud court" which came to nothing, and he had to go down to the IRS office in Pittsburgh and pay back the money he owed. I never heard anything from the IRS. Ymmv of course, but I think they audit whoever filed last and sort things out from there. Since the court order is on your side, they shouldn't have any problem figuring the situation out. They see blowhards like this all the time, I'm sure.
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Old 04-07-2016, 07:33 AM
  # 32 (permalink)  
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My sister was in this situation with her step kids. The X tried to claim them when she and her husband were entitled to (and already had filed first). All they had to do was take a copy of the divorce decree to the local IRS office and that settled it. They were not audited.
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Old 04-07-2016, 09:32 AM
  # 33 (permalink)  
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The language in the final order is

"Petitioner (me) shall be entitled to claim DD8 as tax dependent in all years"

"Resondent (XAH) shall be entitled to claim DD10 as tax dependent in all years"

"A parent may only claim a child as a dependent if that parent is current on child support for the applicable tax year"

So, while he has erratically paid SOME here and there, there is a clear, final uniform support order outlining the exact amount and he has not paid that at all.

So I read that order to be that if he is in arrears at all, he doesn't claim a kid.

I do need to pursue getting the arrears from him I guess... I just felt like it was not worth the fight that will follow...

But since Im making an issue of it with taxes, I guess I need to make an issue of the arrears too.
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Old 04-07-2016, 10:52 AM
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i fail to see WHY you need to tell him that you filed YOUR taxes and you claimed YOUR children. one discussion about that with him is ENOUGH. you don't OWE him any follow up and ANY conversation you have with the man brings more grief.

so zip it!! don't poke the bear. just leave it be. and i would not mention to HIM again about his being in arrears. he KNOWS that and again, it's just more gasoline on the fire. you can pursue back child support thru Support Enforcement (well that's what it is called here in Washington).

DO NOT ENGAGE with the crazy man!!!
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Old 04-07-2016, 11:11 AM
  # 35 (permalink)  
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I think I agree with Anvil. If I were to do it, I would just do it and be done. Keep good docs that he is behind on the CS so you can support what you are doing.

Hugs friend. I know the anxiety this causes.
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Old 04-07-2016, 11:40 AM
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Let them garnish his wages--don't ask or tell him anything.
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Old 04-07-2016, 09:40 PM
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Originally Posted by Hawkeye13 View Post
Let them garnish his wages--don't ask or tell him anything.
I have to agree with this. It seems that he threatens to take you to court over many things, but really how many ever got to court?

I think he is trying to push your buttons, and I think you need to pull the trigger. Let him take you to court after you have his wages garnished.

Then when he takes you to court to lower the garnishment, you can say, I agree, (or not), he is making less now.

He may try for parental alienation, but you have records for all of this. You know when he showed up at police headquarters and when he didn't.

I think it's going to be a battle for anything, (of his choosing) and I would want to stop these battles. You can't stay mentally stable with these assanine attacks all the time. Sorry for the spelling.

Don't be afraid, there are many people here for you. Take that first step to enable yourself. (unless you are afraid for your life, then contact DV).

amy
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Old 04-09-2016, 10:24 AM
  # 38 (permalink)  
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Update: my attorney (not really representing my but doing so on an as needed basis) sent him an email and cc'd me on it after a tearful call to her (on my part) about all of this Thursday...

The language was basically this:

- here is what you owe (calculated all the arrears)
- here is the monthly USO amount
- here are images of what you have paid

And she gave him 2 options:

- give me a check for a substantial portion of it (minimum 4,000) this weekend when he meets me for his parenting time
- have his wages garnished as of Monday morning (she attached the wage assignment letter she was sending his employer notifying them he is a deadbeat).

Guess who showed up today at the police station to meet me WITH a check for $4,000?

I guess calling him out on his BS and not being afraid of his threats is the way to go.

I would NOT have had the courage to ask my lawyer to do this without your support.

So, the money is secondary in my mind to the message that he has been sent that he can not screw with me and continue to get away with it!
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Old 04-09-2016, 11:32 AM
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yep--sure sounds like it

Well done
Cash the check right away and don't write anything against it until you have the cash--

If the bank is local, I'd cash it right there.
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Old 04-09-2016, 11:49 AM
  # 40 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Hawkeye13 View Post
yep--sure sounds like it

Well done
Cash the check right away and don't write anything against it until you have the cash--

If the bank is local, I'd cash it right there.
Went straight from kid drop off to the bank. Cash in hand. I guess growing a backbone against a bully isnt as hard or as scary as I thought!
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