Intervention
 

Sunday night watching Intervention. I see things through such a different lens now after going through all I have. All of the things they say are true...

- behind every addict is an enabler and codependent.
- That enabler/codependent is just as addicted to that addict as the addict is to the substance.

God this is so true....so damn true. I look back and clearly see how I enabled my exs drinking....in many ways (drinking with him for years and years) but most of all by not walking away the first time drinking caused an issue.
This is not rocket science and is truly so simple....just thought I'd pass on to those of y'all struggling with "why is my ex moving on so quickly" or "why doesn't he stop with everything he's lost"....(I used to struggle with these too)...he has a new enabler (or many) and he/she doesn't want to let him go either. Pray the enablers in his life turn to God and have the courage to love him properly-by letting him fall. That is the most loving thing any human can do.

It's nice not being in that role anymore...I wear many labels but enabler is not one of them. I'm happy about that.

Sunday thoughts....just my two cents :)

Sometimes, Let Go, Let God is better.......................

(((((((((((many hugs)))))))))))))))
amy

Yep....it's always better, Amy :)

Ok, this is the hard truth. I didn't want to hear this. I had to totally let him go, not think about anything else but me. I don't think about if he will finally hit rock bottom, or not, or if he will beat his gf.

When I had those thoughts in my mind, he was still in my mind and not paying rent for the space.

I had read about detachment, and wondered what the h3ll was that?

It's actually when you find peace inside of yourself.

((((((hugs)))))))
amy

What I also want to say is that I do feel that you are going through PTSD.. I would never want to stop you from saying what you need to say, and from venting when you need to. I also suffered from PTSD from my marriage.

amy

Amy-I'm well on my way. Work in progress for sure but I'm getting there. :) just thought it was interesting that the simple truths are valid no matter what with addiction. There's no uniqueness, nothing special, no relationship other than what it is-it just boils down to addict and codependent/enabler. That's it!

Amy-yes, I know. That is very true. Having to retrain my thoughts via therapy and push away all the negative things my ex told me over the course of our marriage, yes. PTSD poster child. Being abused for years and years during drunken tirades (and at the end, just whenever...not even drunk), it takes a long time to see things for what they really were as opposed to what false reality you were holding into. I know you understand this. But getting things out helps me and hopefully others, too. I know reading your posts helps me :)

And sometimes I don't think it just boils down to addict, and addicted to addict.

I think sometimes we have to look at abusive relationships. Think we need to look at "fear, obligation, guilt".

Think we need to look at the ways abuse affected someone. Emotionally, Physically, Financially, Religion, etc..... it goes on and on from there.

amy

You know that I am always here for you. I do know and understand what you went through. I think I might be get close to normal, and I left him 12/31/2008. Guess my excuse right now for still being effed in the head is that I am still dealing with him. (lol)

Hey, be gentle with yourself, you deserve it.

((((((hugs))))))
amy

Watching this show is eye opening. Seems like the reason many of us become addicts are because we are trying to numb some sort of pain. It could be anything really. For me the pain of not living up to the expectations of my parents and their community was very hard. I avoided seeing them for a while but when I would see them I would make sure I was hammered to cope with whatever I was coping with. No good ever has come from alcohol.

^ nothing good came from my drinking either!

I'm a fan of the show even though it always makes me emotional.... There are so many episodes that do a great job of talking about the codependency issues with the FOO during the pre-intervention. This show was absolutely helpful to me when I was first learning to recognize toxic codie behavior, enabling vs. loving, the myth of terminal uniqueness, etc. It's all so, so sad though. I can only watch a few episodes at a time.

FS-me too, sister. I can only handle one show very rarely. I get too emotional and find myself wanting to scream at the FOO. (Kind of how I felt in my marriage!!). It is a good show as it shows the rawness and absolute insanity and reality of addiction and codependency.