Enabling Behaviors
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: FAYETTEVILLE NC
Posts: 2
Enabling Behaviors
I Am New. What Are Some Enabling Behaviors? This Detachment Thing? Maybe Some Example? I Realize It Is His Problem But Maybe I Am Doing Things That Enable It. Thank You
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Welcome to SR Milwife,
If he is going through life happily ever after, never having to stop to take a look at the destruction he is creating, and you are surrounded by it thinking of nothing else, you are doing too much.
JT
If he is going through life happily ever after, never having to stop to take a look at the destruction he is creating, and you are surrounded by it thinking of nothing else, you are doing too much.
JT
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Carrollton TX
Posts: 466
Hi Milwife...I am new at this too. Everyone on here has such wonderful advise.. some days I think I'm starting to 'get it' - then somedays I see how far I have to go. I started out by reading the book "Codenpendent No More", which led me to alanon and here. It has really really helped, and I do see signs of hope with my AH. I guess I just wanted to reach out and say that you are in the right place to gain some wonderful insight!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: FAYETTEVILLE NC
Posts: 2
Originally Posted by JT
Welcome to SR Milwife,
If he is going through life happily ever after, never having to stop to take a look at the destruction he is creating, and you are surrounded by it thinking of nothing else, you are doing too much.
JT
If he is going through life happily ever after, never having to stop to take a look at the destruction he is creating, and you are surrounded by it thinking of nothing else, you are doing too much.
JT
YOU ARE RIGHT. HE IS "DOING" HIS OWN THING AN TAKING ME FOR GRANTED THAT I AM HERE TO PICKUP THE PIECES LIKE I ALWAYS HAVE. I HAVE BEEN READING SOME OF THE OTHERS THOUGHTS I REALLY NEED TO START WORKING ON MYSELF AND LET GO OF HIM. I GUESS I AM CONTROLLING, BY TRYING TO KEEP THE PIECES TOGETHER.
THANK YOU
Dancing To My Own Beat
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
Hi MILWIFE,
There are many books written on those topics. There is a great book list in the power post at the top of the forum. The Codie store has books on codependency, Al-Anon, Naranon, etc. Those books have taught me so much. I wouldn't have been able to find myself and heal without them.
There is a process to stopping these behaviors in ourself. The first step is identifying them and admitting that we have them. Then with support and guidance, we can begin to change. It doesn't happen over night, but it will happen if we stick with it. Hugs, Magic
There are many books written on those topics. There is a great book list in the power post at the top of the forum. The Codie store has books on codependency, Al-Anon, Naranon, etc. Those books have taught me so much. I wouldn't have been able to find myself and heal without them.
There is a process to stopping these behaviors in ourself. The first step is identifying them and admitting that we have them. Then with support and guidance, we can begin to change. It doesn't happen over night, but it will happen if we stick with it. Hugs, Magic
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In Search of Finding ME!
Posts: 1,246
JT summed it up perfectly!!!!
For me, it was stopping to realize that "I" was always the responsible one that took care of everything.
I cleaned up the messes. Literally!!!!! From body fluids to bills that he'd not paid, to helping to hide his alcoholism from friends, family, etc. Basically, I made his life "easy". He had no consequences to deal with because I took care of them all.
When a person becomes a part of the "aiding and abedding" process, (lying for them, covering things up, etc), I think that really speaks volumes as to what enabling is as it's making it easy (and sometimes even easier) for the user to continue using.
For me, it was stopping to realize that "I" was always the responsible one that took care of everything.
I cleaned up the messes. Literally!!!!! From body fluids to bills that he'd not paid, to helping to hide his alcoholism from friends, family, etc. Basically, I made his life "easy". He had no consequences to deal with because I took care of them all.
When a person becomes a part of the "aiding and abedding" process, (lying for them, covering things up, etc), I think that really speaks volumes as to what enabling is as it's making it easy (and sometimes even easier) for the user to continue using.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Boston
Posts: 710
Originally Posted by JT
Welcome to SR Milwife,
If he is going through life happily ever after, never having to stop to take a look at the destruction he is creating, and you are surrounded by it thinking of nothing else, you are doing too much.
JT
If he is going through life happily ever after, never having to stop to take a look at the destruction he is creating, and you are surrounded by it thinking of nothing else, you are doing too much.
JT
Patsy
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
