Need help for myself
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Maryland
Posts: 178
His financial situation isn't the greatest right now. I don't think she is going to put him on child support, but rather civilly work something out with visitation, etc etc. I am just very angry. I am at the point where he makes me angry, she makes me angry, even the thought of this baby being around me makes me ANGRY. it makes me angry that he has to tell his current 6 year old that she's going to have another sibling when she's never even met or seen this one night stand lady. I really need to work on the anger, judging, and jealousy. all of my chaos stems from that and makes my life seem unmanageable.
I'm also angry with myself. I'm angry that I wasn't more careful after knowing he potentially had another child on the way. I'm angry that I am suffering
I'm also angry with myself. I'm angry that I wasn't more careful after knowing he potentially had another child on the way. I'm angry that I am suffering
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
I totally get it. It would be great if we could go back in time and reverse things -of course we cannot.
Perhaps take a look at your anger and the direction from whence it comes. I don't see evidence here of anything having been done vindictively. It happened before he knew you. They had a one nighter, quite sure nobody expected a baby from it. She doesn't know you, you don't know her, it sounds like He barely knows her. Got all these people in a boiling pot whom don't know each other, and are facing major issues.
Someone's got to be the adult here and work this out, or its going to fester and the pot will boil over. Nice that she says she won't ask for child support - we will see how that pans out when she discovers babies are very expensive.
Would you consider going to see a therapist? I think one on one guidance and direction is what you need. Got to focus on the anger and relinquishing it, and figure out a path to bring this messy situation into a workable, livable one.
Perhaps take a look at your anger and the direction from whence it comes. I don't see evidence here of anything having been done vindictively. It happened before he knew you. They had a one nighter, quite sure nobody expected a baby from it. She doesn't know you, you don't know her, it sounds like He barely knows her. Got all these people in a boiling pot whom don't know each other, and are facing major issues.
Someone's got to be the adult here and work this out, or its going to fester and the pot will boil over. Nice that she says she won't ask for child support - we will see how that pans out when she discovers babies are very expensive.
Would you consider going to see a therapist? I think one on one guidance and direction is what you need. Got to focus on the anger and relinquishing it, and figure out a path to bring this messy situation into a workable, livable one.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: MD
Posts: 658
All it says about membership in alanon is there needs to be a problem with alcohol related to a friend or family member- no conditions about when, where or how. I came in because of my wife's alcohol issue, and stayed because it became clear I needed the 12-steps and the fellowship to handle my response to it; anger, frustration, resentment, martyrdom etc, which as it turns out have been a much bigger problem for me than the alcohol issue. No therapist or shrink I've ever seen has been as effective helping me to change my attitudes and behavior. I think you'd be very welcome.
Please pardon me for noting your post's profile says you're in Maryland. At least in the central start of Maryland where I live there are many strong Alanon meetings.
Please pardon me for noting your post's profile says you're in Maryland. At least in the central start of Maryland where I live there are many strong Alanon meetings.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,423
redatlanta is making many good suggestions RD--
you were aware this had happened before you and he were a couple.
I also think the child support thing may not turn out the way they are planning
at the moment and he might be paying for both babies and the 6 year old.
You chose to get involved with him knowing about the other woman and her pregnancy.
You absolutely need support to manage and release this anger, or it will have
a very negative impact on you, him, the baby, and the other people involved.
I'm really sorry you are hurting so much, but you are wise to acknowledge the anger
and realize something needs to be done about it.
you were aware this had happened before you and he were a couple.
I also think the child support thing may not turn out the way they are planning
at the moment and he might be paying for both babies and the 6 year old.
You chose to get involved with him knowing about the other woman and her pregnancy.
You absolutely need support to manage and release this anger, or it will have
a very negative impact on you, him, the baby, and the other people involved.
I'm really sorry you are hurting so much, but you are wise to acknowledge the anger
and realize something needs to be done about it.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
RedDog......my comment is on the practical side.....
Can you make your immediate goal to make an appointment with a counselor or therapist and resume attendance in alanon..or, look for a coda group?
You will feel better as soon as you have some face-to-face support......
SR is wonderful (aren't we..lol) but, you also need face to face, in addition.....
dandylion
Can you make your immediate goal to make an appointment with a counselor or therapist and resume attendance in alanon..or, look for a coda group?
You will feel better as soon as you have some face-to-face support......
SR is wonderful (aren't we..lol) but, you also need face to face, in addition.....
dandylion
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
RedDog......crying is not necessarily a bad thing.....It is nature's way of letting out the negative energy and pain.....
Perhaps, the arrival of the baby has brought all of the issues into sharp focus, for the first time.....?
dandylion
Perhaps, the arrival of the baby has brought all of the issues into sharp focus, for the first time.....?
dandylion
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Maryland
Posts: 178
Pregnancy hormones aren't in my favor. Anxiety and depression are just fueling off of the hormones. Keeping the focus on me. I went to a coda meeting and I felt like that is what I've been needing to do. What a relief for those meetings. Too bad they're only twice a week. And too bad most antianxiety medications aren't 100 percent safe to take while pregnant. Boo. I'm okay- just for today. Thanks for all of your hugs. *BIG hugs to you all*
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