Want to help, want to run
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Originally Posted by Kata 
Chelle, Yup. It's funny.... When it's not your life!
It's also "funny" how they keep reminding you of all those great things they did for you! He told me once that I should be more thankful that he took care of me while I had the flu, and how he cooked for me (with food he didn't pay a cent of), and blah blah blah.
Yes dear, you deserve a medal. You took care of me while I was sick! Isn't that an extraordiray thing to do when your partner is sick!
Come to think of it, he never paid much for food... Or anything else for that matter, because you know, poor poor him, he was out of a job... Again.
It's also "funny" how they keep reminding you of all those great things they did for you! He told me once that I should be more thankful that he took care of me while I had the flu, and how he cooked for me (with food he didn't pay a cent of), and blah blah blah.
Yes dear, you deserve a medal. You took care of me while I was sick! Isn't that an extraordiray thing to do when your partner is sick!
Come to think of it, he never paid much for food... Or anything else for that matter, because you know, poor poor him, he was out of a job... Again.
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Join Date: Mar 2016
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Ah yes, the " poor me" excuse. My therapist who's also a 26-years clean recovered heroin addict says it like it is " poor me, poor me, pour me a drink"...
Oh, mine was good with apologies. He would either disolved into tears as he "got how I felt" and kept saying sorry, sorry, so sorry.. Then would play the victim. Or we would offer a cheap apology and later say " get over it would you, I already said I was sorry"
Oh yes, saintly!
'
Oh, mine was good with apologies. He would either disolved into tears as he "got how I felt" and kept saying sorry, sorry, so sorry.. Then would play the victim. Or we would offer a cheap apology and later say " get over it would you, I already said I was sorry"
Oh yes, saintly!
'
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Originally Posted by Kata
Ah yes, the " poor me" excuse. My therapist who's also a 26-years clean recovered heroin addict says it like it is " poor me, poor me, pour me a drink"...
Oh, mine was good with apologies. He would either disolved into tears as he "got how I felt" and kept saying sorry, sorry, so sorry.. Then would play the victim. Or we would offer a cheap apology and later say " get over it would you, I already said I was sorry"
Oh yes, saintly!
'
Oh, mine was good with apologies. He would either disolved into tears as he "got how I felt" and kept saying sorry, sorry, so sorry.. Then would play the victim. Or we would offer a cheap apology and later say " get over it would you, I already said I was sorry"
Oh yes, saintly!
'
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Location: Midwest
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Chelle, I think the "poor me" saying is from AA (maybe one of the double winners here can either confirm that or correct me if I'm wrong).
If you're so inclined, you might find it useful to attend an "open" AA meeting. As the name implies, these meetings are open to all, not only those who have problems with alcohol. Usually they feature a speaker or speakers who will talk about how his/her life has changed in recovery, and often there will be both an AA and an Alanon speaker. It can be very enlightening to go and listen; you may learn some things about your ABF and, more important, you may learn some things about yourself.
SR has been and continues to be absolutely invaluable to me as I follow my recovery path--I'm glad you're finding help here too.
If you're so inclined, you might find it useful to attend an "open" AA meeting. As the name implies, these meetings are open to all, not only those who have problems with alcohol. Usually they feature a speaker or speakers who will talk about how his/her life has changed in recovery, and often there will be both an AA and an Alanon speaker. It can be very enlightening to go and listen; you may learn some things about your ABF and, more important, you may learn some things about yourself.
SR has been and continues to be absolutely invaluable to me as I follow my recovery path--I'm glad you're finding help here too.
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Originally Posted by Forourgirls
Chelle-when you know better, you do better 
now you know!
now you know! I think I knew in my heart/mind allAlong it was doomed but just held on.... I probably need to look into why I did that lol I started putting up roadblocks instead of just ending it.... Eg, you have to move out, no more drinking at my home, I won't come see you if you have been drinking...... I should have just ended it instead of drawing it out into this slow painful death for both of us. I still feel awful for hurting him... I dunno.... I'm rambling now lol
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Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
what makes you think you "hurt" him? all you did was stop ENABLING. and putting up with his crap.
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Isn´t that the truth! I´ve been enjoying the peace and quiet too, was so so happy to be able to take a nap yesterday instead of spending the afternoon with him and his temper. I´ve also noticed I´m very tired but it must be relaxation setting in, was probably more stressed than I thought - no wonder I had trouble sleeping the last few weeks before the breakup.
I´m happy to see you´re enjoying yourself!
I´m happy to see you´re enjoying yourself!
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Originally Posted by bluelily
Isn´t that the truth! I´ve been enjoying the peace and quiet too, was so so happy to be able to take a nap yesterday instead of spending the afternoon with him and his temper. I´ve also noticed I´m very tired but it must be relaxation setting in, was probably more stressed than I thought - no wonder I had trouble sleeping the last few weeks before the breakup.
I´m happy to see you´re enjoying yourself!
I´m happy to see you´re enjoying yourself!
I had forgotten how awful meal times were when he was here and drinking till just last night... It was like a meditation! It was quiet, I was alone, the weather was beautiful, I cleaned up as I went and just thoroughly enjoyed preparing good healthy food for me and my son
I've been very tired too.... Maybe it's our body/minds letting go and finally relaxing.....
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Alcoholics are master manipulators. I lived with one for a year and half. I always fell for tears, the promises. the apologies. oh gosh. Its only been three months since I split up with my ex, and its been hard but I dont plan on looking back. Girl, RUN!!
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Originally Posted by HeyssellBear
Alcoholics are master manipulators. I lived with one for a year and half. I always fell for tears, the promises. the apologies. oh gosh. Its only been three months since I split up with my ex, and its been hard but I dont plan on looking back. Girl, RUN!!
Now after doing some reading here I know I shouldn't reply but I did.... Just to say a very firm absolutely not, never going to happen... He IMMEDIATELY went from sweet to angry.... It took him about one minute to switch. Must stay strong and not reply again. Lesson learnt.
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Originally Posted by firebolt
A common saying in here...
"Want to know if an alcoholic is in recovery and changing? Tell them NO, and see what happens."
"Want to know if an alcoholic is in recovery and changing? Tell them NO, and see what happens."
I have learnt SO much from this site/forum...I feel so much surer and stronger....
And yes.... As soon as I refused to play he got real ******.
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Join Date: Mar 2016
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Just ended a three year relationship with ABF. In retrospect I wish I needed it at 6 months. I would have a whole lot less wrinkles and grey hair! (I too am in my 40s).
Get back to doing the stuff you loved before meeting. It really helps. And as I said in another post I'm surprised how much I don't miss him. There was some sort of drama almost everyday even when he said he wasn't drinking. (He was). Now there is no drama unless I manufacture it.
Starting over in your 40s sucks, but you got this!
Xoxo
Get back to doing the stuff you loved before meeting. It really helps. And as I said in another post I'm surprised how much I don't miss him. There was some sort of drama almost everyday even when he said he wasn't drinking. (He was). Now there is no drama unless I manufacture it.
Starting over in your 40s sucks, but you got this!
Xoxo
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Get back to doing the stuff you loved before meeting. It really helps. And as I said in another post I'm surprised how much I don't miss him. There was some sort of drama almost everyday even when he said he wasn't drinking. (He was). Now there is no drama unless I manufacture it.
Starting over in your 40s sucks, but you got this!
Xoxo[/QUOTE]
Thank u!
Today I still feel like I miss him... But I'm not sure why lol he was pretty damn horrible to me a lot... It's weird that I choose to remember the few good times.
I am loving my 40s cavegirl so I'm just gonna get back out there and love them again. Ive put on a lot of weight in this last year with him... STRESS!!!!! Time to get shedding it and start loving my life again .... Have a wonderful drama free day cavegirl x
Starting over in your 40s sucks, but you got this!
Xoxo[/QUOTE]
Thank u!
Today I still feel like I miss him... But I'm not sure why lol he was pretty damn horrible to me a lot... It's weird that I choose to remember the few good times.
I am loving my 40s cavegirl so I'm just gonna get back out there and love them again. Ive put on a lot of weight in this last year with him... STRESS!!!!! Time to get shedding it and start loving my life again .... Have a wonderful drama free day cavegirl x
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I just wanted to tell you, you sound like a really lovely person. I know you'll get through this and will be better than ever. No shame in missing the good times... And there must be a part of us that likes the drama a bit.
Have a great evening!
Have a great evening!
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Originally Posted by CaveGirl
I just wanted to tell you, you sound like a really lovely person. I know you'll get through this and will be better than ever. No shame in missing the good times... And there must be a part of us that likes the drama a bit.
Have a great evening!
Have a great evening!
I've def started looking at myself and the role I play... This forum has been so good in opening my eyes
xxxx
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I always want to say "thanks" to folks who leave alcoholics/addicts. I believe that doing the right thing anywhere by anyone makes our wounded world a bit better.
Also for me it was so dad-blasted difficult to do. The pain and grief of leaving came from giving up the fantasy and hope for the future. As wacko as my fantasies were about my qualifier the pain was very real. My memories of how hard it was sure makes me understand folks who stay for decades with their qualifier.
Take good care of yourself Chelle and come to us whenever you need support.
Also for me it was so dad-blasted difficult to do. The pain and grief of leaving came from giving up the fantasy and hope for the future. As wacko as my fantasies were about my qualifier the pain was very real. My memories of how hard it was sure makes me understand folks who stay for decades with their qualifier.
Take good care of yourself Chelle and come to us whenever you need support.
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