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wanttobehealthy 03-22-2016 09:26 AM

And it continues...
 
Holding xAH "accountable" by notifying the court of his contempt actions since the final decree has resulted in the following since last week. Needless to say I am DONE holding this POS accountable for anything as he is a sociopath and bound and determined to mess with my life...

a). hired a woman whose website states she is a "legal mediator" (she has an M.Ed)

b). had said woman call and email me obsessively demanding I produce legal documents for her, required for her to "adequately" prepare xAH's documents for me as required in the final decree.

c). ignored my 3 clearly written emails saying "do not contact me any further. send anything you need signature for to me via US mail. do not continue to call or email me nor pursue contact of me by someone acting on your behalf"

d). xAH has not known where I work... The court allowed me to black it all out on docs due to his tendency to be a crazed stalker (I asked for this in a more diplomatic way).... This woman he hired, called the State Dept of Ed, alleged she was an attorney representing a client being harassed by me and was provided my employer info.

e). This woman then CALLED my Superintendent, got confirmation I work here AND made a series of slanderous allegations against me.

I learned of (d) and (e), yesterday morning when I was questioned about my alleged "harassment" of xAH during my work time by my boss.

He believed me, and I showed him the harassment was the other way around, but this woman and xAH have now humiliated me at my WORK and possibly impacted my employment as I live in an at will employment state and can not be renewed for ANY reason.

I am going to the police with my repeated written requests for this woman to stop contacting me later today but I fear further retaliation ...

dandylion 03-22-2016 09:36 AM

WTH.....how about passing it by your lawyer, in addition to the police.....

dandylion

Liveitwell 03-22-2016 09:39 AM

Oh my, friend. I am sending you much needed hugs and support. I am truly sorry this is happening. That woman needs to be sued and lose her job-this is breaking the law. Have you told your attorney? I am here for you-just keep venting....I cannot imagine how angry you are. He is truly evil to mess with your employment!!

wanttobehealthy 03-22-2016 10:02 AM

I did speak to my attorney. She directed me to write the last letter that I sent this am outlining the fact that her slander of me to my employer has scared me and is harassment.

The harassment has occurred in the town where I work so I will be going to the police here in my work town after work today.

It just speaks to the danger of holding a sociopath accountable...

Liveitwell 03-22-2016 10:13 AM

^ yep. I understand. Go get it done. What a horrible evil person.

theuncertainty 03-22-2016 10:52 AM


Originally Posted by wanttobehealthy (Post 5864465)
It just speaks to the danger of holding a sociopath accountable...

And it sounds like he found a like-minded 'mediator' to help him. What a slimy witch. Doesn't an M Ed generally prepare a person to work jobs like corporate training programs, career counseling, maybe educational leadership? Where ever she went to school, her classes obviously didn't include any ethics or best practices curriculum that sunk in.

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this but am glad your boss could see the truth. Sending hugs and support, too.

Hawkeye13 03-22-2016 12:50 PM

Letting them step all over you is no solution either WTBH

It sucks, but keep the legal channels moving and don't back down.
You can't give in at this point or he will turn up the heat any time
he wants your compliance on anything.

amy55 03-22-2016 03:53 PM

^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Everything Hawkeye said.

I think we all know on here that once you play your cards, and try to hold an abuser responsible for anything, they will ramp up the abuse. Why? they need to see if we will back down.


It took me over 2 years of playing my ex's game with him. I will no longer back down to him.

I say go for all of it. Go for that back child support, file harassment charges, file RO's.

That ex of yours is a total A$$.

((((((hugs))))))
amy

Liveitwell 03-22-2016 04:25 PM

^ I agree.

redatlanta 03-22-2016 05:52 PM

I know its hard but Amy nailed it. He is pushing you. You back down now you will damn yourself forever because he will know he's got ya.

Let them call, let them email all they want. Turn off the phone, delete their emails, delete the VM. File an RO against her if you can and him too. Wait for the contempt hearing. Stop future tripping on the job. You have informed them of the circumstance. Trust he is not the first nutter they have dealt with.

You can't manage this dude. You play nice, he messes with you. You play fair, he messes with you. You file contempt, he messes with you. One time he is going to mess with you once too much. Even sociopaths know when to stop, when they get in real trouble.

Stay the course friend. You can do it.

wanttobehealthy 03-23-2016 11:10 AM

The price I am paying for holding him accountable is not worth it. This is now impacting my work. My stress level is at an all time high. I do not think that I can sustain this.

He has emailed me today demanding that I be available at 3 pm to drop the kids with him. I am AT WORK and can not do that.

He does not live around here and has not been around for his parenting on this day for two years.

Today, out of the clear blue he decides that he is taking a day off of work and claims he will be waiting at the police station for me to drop the kids with him at 3 pm.

So option 1: I leave work early, further impacting my job
or option 2: I assume he is bluffing and stay the course

This is hell.

FireSprite 03-23-2016 11:25 AM

I can't understand why you would even TRY to entertain option #1 wtbh?

It's absurd. Why keep trying to meet his absurd demands? He can't use this against you as an example of you not complying with any agreements because he's the one that will look ridiculous.

What is he going to do if you simply ignore him?

dandylion 03-23-2016 11:29 AM

WTH.....this last demand...I think, is just beyond the pale! It clearly impacts your work...and, I believe that anybody can see that. The courts---anybody..

I am not in your shoes,,,so, what I would do doesn't mean anything.....but--just for the record---I would just tell him "NO". a simple "no".

dandyion

Ariesagain 03-23-2016 11:40 AM

Call your lawyer and get her on this. The gall of this guy demanding you violate the terms of the legal agreement at a police station is just amazing.

I completely understand why you're exhausted and scared to the point of giving up, but if you give in and jump, he'll just keep poking at you just because it entertains him to watch you jump higher. He's a psychopath.

I'm so sorry.

atalose 03-23-2016 12:20 PM


He has emailed me today demanding that I be available at 3 pm to drop the kids with him. I am AT WORK and can not do that.

He does not live around here and has not been around for his parenting on this day for two years.

Today, out of the clear blue he decides that he is taking a day off of work and claims he will be waiting at the police station for me to drop the kids with him at 3 pm.
Yes it is worth you standing up for yourself, if you continue to jump through hoops to appease his un-reasonable demands today you will always be jumping. It seems to me that you have FACTS on your side. An email today with a demand for today is un-reasonable and any judge/court would clearly see that.

A meeting at the police station – if he’s not met this obligation in over 2 years clearly the police and the personal at this police station could attest to that fact as well.

vcfanatic 03-23-2016 12:31 PM

I'm sorry. This must be a completely scary situation to be in because your ex sounds like he's become truly unhinged. I agree with that caving in to him will certainly make things worse (and possibly more dangerous) for you.

Liveitwell 03-23-2016 12:40 PM

WTBH-my ex tried this tactic as well when we were separated before the divorce was final....threatened me to have the kids over to mommys house before I got off of work-then laughed when I told him I couldn't do that as it would impact my job. He could care less-he's a psychopath, just like yours. Not that he even had visitation hardly ever bc he canceled most of them (but lied about that as well). They have literally done the same things....almost word for word!

Honey, don't let this psycho bully you any longer. It gets him off-bc he's a very sick individual. Just say NO and leave it at that. If he threatens you with court? Bring it-Let him show he's been more than crap on the floor decent human being-which we know he has not bc the facts speak for themselves. Remember that, he can bully and threaten and lie all he wants, but you have the facts and truth on your side and that's all that counts.

Contact your lawyer ASAP. Do not take your kids to this lunatic that is asking you to break court orders!!

wanttobehealthy 03-23-2016 12:49 PM


Originally Posted by FireSprite (Post 5866339)
I can't understand why you would even TRY to entertain option #1 wtbh?

It's absurd. Why keep trying to meet his absurd demands? He can't use this against you as an example of you not complying with any agreements because he's the one that will look ridiculous.

What is he going to do if you simply ignore him?

Last year when there was a RO against him, and his lawyer was contacting me regularly to try and coerce me into amending the RO, I ignored their ludicrous requests.

When that didn't get a response from me, they filed a false RO which was granted.

And they got to abuse and harass me in court.

So, that's what he did a year ago at this time when I ignored him.

So, I am afraid.

He is finding one way or another to impact me negatively.

TropicalWinter 03-23-2016 12:54 PM

I just wanted to chime in with support - I've been reading your posts, and I'm so, so sorry you're dealing with this BS.

You may be paying a high price for holding him accountable now, but I fear that the price you would pay for caving and NOT holding him accountable would be even worse for you and your children in the future.

Liveitwell 03-23-2016 01:50 PM

TW-oh so true. Great words.

amy55 03-23-2016 02:02 PM

WTBH,

ummmm, NO. It's a complete sentence. I don't know if Wednesday was written in on parenting time. If it was situation might have been different then. You do not take time off from work with no notice to jump through his hoops.

I also believe there was something in the parenting time in your divorce papers to give you 2 day notice.

So............ "NO".

He is ramping things up because you are getting stronger. Don't back down now and give it to him. He will then control you for the rest of the time you need to interact with him.

Save all of the emails, vms, any other communication.

I think you recently said you got money, forgot how, if it was the sale of the ring or perhaps a tax refund, use this, take him to court.

Use that "indemnification clause" and get him to pay your attorney for him not paying that child support.

Just let him be the a$$ that he always is, and document, document, document.

I don't say these things lightly. I was probably one of the biggest "doormats" to ever be on this forum.

I really do thank you for posting all of this stuff here. I hope that it helps you, and I hope it helps others when reading this.

(((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
amy

Mango blast 03-23-2016 02:19 PM

WTBH ((((gentle hugs))))

I'm so sorry for what you're dealing with. Do you have an in-person support network around you? Mine's been slowly growing and I can't imagine being without all these good people in my life now. I have a really hard time seeing when I'm in a crisis inside myself. My go-to reaction to life crisis situations is to put up barriers around me and self-isolate. The more I reach out, it doesn't matter as much what the results are, it does something inside my brain, heart and soul that starts to nourish me. Finding who and how to reach out to others has taken me some trial and error, but that's okay, too.

No ideas on the current situation. My thoughts and prayers are with you for peace, serenity, healing.

Any plans for you and the kids this evening?

FireSprite 03-23-2016 02:25 PM


Originally Posted by wanttobehealthy (Post 5866438)
Last year when there was a RO against him, and his lawyer was contacting me regularly to try and coerce me into amending the RO, I ignored their ludicrous requests.

When that didn't get a response from me, they filed a false RO which was granted.

And they got to abuse and harass me in court.

So, that's what he did a year ago at this time when I ignored him.

So, I am afraid.

He is finding one way or another to impact me negatively.

Yes, I get all of that & I am NOT trying to minimize your situation, please don't take it that way as you read my replies to your posts.

Here's all that I'm saying - you have 2 choices here:

Either cave every time he demands that you jump, for the rest of your life ~or~

Enforce your boundaries &legal rights 100x if that's what it takes for him to get the message. Every time you cave, you start over again in terms of him feeling that he has some sort of control over you.

Let him take you to court - and countersue whenever possible. You definitely suffer psychologically, no doubt, but you're going to be at his mercy psychologically EITHER WAY, aren't' you?

So do you want to hope that by going through it 100x & it may just end once he exhausts himself? Or do you want to just accept that this is going to go on forever, with no hope of an ending? Like TW pointed out, which is the higher price to pay?

I'm not trying to say that any of this is easy or in any way simple. It's not. It's HARD. It's going to be exhausting & it will wear you down mentally. But he's doing that anyway, every time he pulls a stunt like this, isn't he? :grouphug:

redatlanta 03-23-2016 06:56 PM


Originally Posted by wanttobehealthy (Post 5866311)
The price I am paying for holding him accountable is not worth it. This is now impacting my work. My stress level is at an all time high. I do not think that I can sustain this.

He has emailed me today demanding that I be available at 3 pm to drop the kids with him. I am AT WORK and can not do that.

He does not live around here and has not been around for his parenting on this day for two years.

Today, out of the clear blue he decides that he is taking a day off of work and claims he will be waiting at the police station for me to drop the kids with him at 3 pm.

So option 1: I leave work early, further impacting my job
or option 2: I assume he is bluffing and stay the course

This is hell.

Well, he hasn't met his parenting agreement for 2 years....and so you don't jump when he says and all of sudden YOU are in trouble? I don't think so.

What exactly is your parenting agreement per the divorce decree?

Go after than back child support. If you haven't don't F around about it anymore. Daddy has broken the agreement so many times its laughable. He has abused you to the point you are afraid of him even now....even when HE is the one who will be in deep doo.

theuncertainty 03-23-2016 07:15 PM

AXH tried to pull the same stuff. Which is kind of funny (not haha), because all throughout the divorce, he couldn't be bothered with testing because it would impact his work schedule. "What, I gotta take time from work? Do what? How much does it cost? I'll already lose pay from the time missed at work." But, when it came to my job, time was not important. However the visitation schedule was pretty darn clear: DS goes to AXH on Day at xx am and returns to Mom on Day at xx pm. Until I felt safe enough with the idea that I could say no to his last minute changes, it was really hard to actually say it.

WTBH, how detailed is your visitation schedule? Are the kids even out of school early enough to get there by 3? And then there's traffic time to get across town. If the visitation schedule did outline school/work day at 3 pm:
  • Since it's no longer workable, can you submit a modification to ask for a change for future dates? I have to believe that no court is going to require that you continue to follow a schedule that would result in you losing your job.
  • Until change can be made (and admittedly with my new-found courage, but still somewhat unsteady stance), I think I'd be inclined to respond that since he hadn't exercised this particular visitation time period in 2 years, alternate arrangements have been made; the kids are not available, my work schedule has since changed, and I will need time to 1. adjust the kids' schedules and 2. discuss a temporary work schedule change with my employer.
  • If taking a late lunch or whatever wouldn't be an option to meet him at the station until a visitation schedule change can be requested and approved, I wouldn't add the last part. I'd just outline that our schedules have changed in the 2 year period of un-exercised visitation, and propose a later meeting time that would work for my schedule and the kids'. And I'd make sure that was do-able for ME into the foreseeable future, and use that as the proposed modification.

If work/school day at 3 pm is not in the visitation plan, "no" really is an answer that can be upheld in court proceedings.


Originally Posted by wanttobehealthy (Post 5866311)
I do not think that I can sustain this.

I have faith in you, WTBH. I think you can do this. You have shown so much strength. And this won't be forever. (I know it feels like it, but it won't be.) You don't even need to look at how long it'll take to go through the court channels. Just look at *today*. You're going to be OK. You already are. ((((hugs))))

Hawkeye13 03-23-2016 07:48 PM

go after that back child support while you're doing the rest
hit him where it hurts for a change
once his wallet is affected, he may back off

LexieCat 03-23-2016 09:10 PM

Is there any way you can screen your calls at work? Let them go directly to voicemail and immediately return any work-related calls? This way you would have the harassment documented.

I think you would have good grounds for filing a harassment complaint, which includes repeated communications at extremely inconvenient hours or with no legitimate purpose and with the purpose to annoy or harass. No reasonable person would expect another to leave work to drop off children in the middle of the day. It's clear enough why he's doing it. If he's convicted, the court could order no contact as a condition of probation.

I know it's exhausting and demoralizing. Maybe you could contact an advocate for moral support during this time.

Hugs,

wanttobehealthy 03-24-2016 09:53 AM

Going after him for contempt and addressing the financial stuff he owes seems to be fueling this fire and I can't live this way anymore....

No amount of money or holding him accountable is worth the toll this is taking on my physical, emotional and mental health...

This is unbearable.

Liveitwell 03-24-2016 10:13 AM

^ I agree, WTBH. You need to do whatever it is to take care of yourself and those kiddos. This guy is nuts, he is evil. This is a fact, not up for argument. If you feel pushing for the money, etc is fueling him, then stop. You know him better than we do. Follow your gut.

Praying 03-24-2016 01:55 PM

If you can muster it, go big. Take him to court and go for child support, document harassment, hit him HARD. In my experience, if he sees that gaining traction...that's the only way you can shut him down. Otherwise he'll continue to F with you whenever he fees like it. He knows he can exhaust you. I'm so so sorry you're overwhelmed, and I understand...

He will do what he wants to mess with you regardless--people told me to push and not give up my child support even though I thought "they don't understand"...I'm grateful I stuck with it...


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