Liveitwell

I spent so much time trying to defend myself to people that I was not crazy-that I acted out bc my ex husband was abusive. I felt backed into a corner and at times reacted horribly to his treatment and for years and years (almost a decade) didn't say a word to anyone about my exs actions while drunk. I so desparately needed or wanted people to know I wasnt crazy or a bad person....and understand what he had done.

This summed it up perfectly for me. This is exactly what I went through and how I finally found freedom-escaping the evil.

Emerging From Broken - "it was when I stopped fighting to prove I was right and just believed and KNEW I was right, that the healing really began. It was when I saw the truth through the grid of love and realized love doesn't harm. It was when I stopped trying to get the abusive people in my life and the people that supported them and their abusive practices to HEAR me, and finally listened to myself instead, that my world began to look brighter".

Yes. Yes ! This is so important to me to share. So many of us were brainwashed to believe we were the problem and to blame for abuse-and many of us have dealt with family supporting abuse or further perpetrating abuse or flat out denying the abuse and feeling further invalidation. Listen to your voice-use it! That voice that you keep stuffing down, I know I did. Use it and believe in yourself and you will start healing. Once you stop looking to your abuser and his peeps to validate you, you will be free! Believe in yourself and your reality and your truth. Peace to yall.

TropicalWinter

For years my AH was, unbeknownst to me, on a smear campaign to make me look bad to his family, all in an effort to throw them off the scent of his real problems. The situation with his daughter compounded the issue - she has severe behavioral issues, and I was blamed for them, while the whole time I was living in survival mode from living with her awfulness and his addiction. It was a major clusterf*** of dysfunction, and I've only really just begun to process it all in therapy now that I've been coming out of crisis mode and been able to do more healing.

I've felt compelled (and was advised, not by my therapist though) to try to "prove" myself to his family, but I'm slowly learning that all I really need to do is live true to myself and let the chips fall where they may. The codie in me struggles with this, but I'm getting there. My therapist is always telling me that if I make myself the priority, I can't go wrong.

Liveitwell

TW-my ex did the same. I too lived in crisis mode for so many years-it was a cluster of dysfunction and a gift that keeps on giving. It took me a long time to come out of it/it's a process and I'm a work in progress Praying for healing for you, friend. At least you are free! I count my blessings daily. Peace to you

Praying

Excellent quote. Thanks for sharing.

MsPINKAcres

such truth & healing in this ~

I wondered for years why some of my ex's family thought such horrid things about me - only to begin to learn some of the things he was saying, lies he was saying & how my behavior was contributing to the insanity ~

when I detached & started keeping my side of the street clean, doing the next right thing & finally allowing him to face the consequences of his own actions ~ the truth became evident to all; especially me.

My sponsor share a great tidbit to me

"Just because someone says it doesn't make it true"

Great healing was obtained from applying that to my life.

PINK HUGS!

Liveitwell

^ yes, ma'am. So much healing in that.

Tangled34

It certainly does.. I still feel the need to prove to everyone that I'm not mad but this has me thinking... I am not gonna try prove this to anyone anymore the people that really matter already know this! Thanks for sharing x

Liveitwell

^ yep! Don't worry about those believing his quacking and lies. Go on with your life!

Kboys

Thanks FOG!
So true! I'm still working on this....