Kata

So the ABF texted me again, said he didn't understand why I was putting so much distance between us. That he was ready to do his part, but that I had to do mine to. That he wouldn't tolerate the distance for much longer... Quack quack quack quackity quack.

And the I lost it. I just couldn't stay polite and calm anymore... My response went like this :

I have said it, and I'll say it again clearly. Up to this point, all you've told me is that you want to spend more time with me, that you want more sex and more passionnate sex. This will never happen before you treat me right and with respect, before the rest is under control and If I don't feel comfortable in the situation. NOT BEFORE. Respect comes before sex. There's no ***&*n way in hell that I'll fu*&k you on the off chance that you might think of respecting me after that.

He came back with a lame, self-pitying : OK, it's sad that you think that this is the only thing I need.

I went with: That's all you've been telling me. But if it's spending more time with me you want, the same answer applies, If it's more affection you want, the same answer applies. Respect is ***&*n fundamental.


On the bright side, I stuck to my boundaries and was assertive.

AnvilheadII

i'm surprised he didn't reply with:

"so is that a NO then???"

you were very clear and direct. and you stood your ground!

Kboys

Wow! That's awesome!!

Kata

Ahhh and now the flood of insultsnhas started coming in. He wanted to come get his things now... It wasn't possible for me...

He's in the : i'm hurting so let's hurt her mood.
Not sure if he realises it's over.

Ariesagain

Can you take his stuff to a neutral place? It might save you a long drunk melodramatic scene...

And another attempt to guilt you into sex, probably...

Kata

Unfortunatly not. He has a barbecue that he left at my place, and I don't have a car.

Ariesagain

How about having a friend there? Just some way to keep him moving and not talking.

Kata

Maybe, but it won't be tonight. My parents are home. And there's no way I'm subjecting them to that.

Kata

And my cool is definetly gone. I feel like yelling and throwing thigs, or punching something.

firebolt

This is par for the course. Oh man - been there. From here, any additional efforts on your part to clarify can add fuel to that fire for him. You spoke clearly and eloquently, and you only have to say it once. From here, no response will say the rest. Nice work!

AnvilheadII

if you must throw things, AIM FOR THE GRILL! lol

Kata

If he's on par for the course with the "I'm hurt so let's hurt her mood", what pray tell is the rest of the course, so I'm prepared.

Will there be a bit of begging and false promises thrown in there? Or just a plain mean mood?

Kata

Yeah, no. Not my style. Might've been once upon a time, but I've worked too damn hard on myself to go there again. I much prefer the high road now. At least I can feel proud of myself. It's not because the fucktard is treating me like **** that I'll stoop to his level.

(But boy would it feel good to just break his hockey sticks and destroy his grill)

AnvilheadII

OH probably a mix of both.....the less YOU respond the better.

remember Sam Kinison's schtick "You B!tch, You Wh0re, You Broke My Heart, I want my records back!!!!" ???

Kata

Hahaha yes! Yup, apparently I now suck. So I've block his texts. And I'm gonna go see my dance instructor and bring her a pot of spaghetti sauce I made today.

Liveitwell

Just sending you hugs. This is what you get when you engage with a hurt addict. Pity, threats, tearing you down, etc. No contact. No need to explain. Say things once. And just be done with him!

I've heard this all before. It just becomes "wah, wah, wah"....from Peanuts.

healthyagain

I think you can actually use the hockey stick as fuel for the fire in his grill. Just saying.

You go girl!

Would you believe me if I tell you that there is such peace and serenity after dumping an alcoholic? You will not have to feel that rage, you will not have to feel as if someone is poking your brain.

Kata

I sure hope there's peace. I think I'll have to ride the waves of rage and sadness before that.

As I said in a previous thread, I was scared I would be vulnerable on next Monday, as it will be the anniversary of our first kiss (like way back when we were kids). So I planned accordingly. I made an appointment with my therapist, an appointment for a massage and a facial, and I have a dance class in the evening... Let's hope I don't spend the day crying.

Ariesagain

Well, if you spent that day with him, chances are excellent he would be hammered, annoying, and you'd feel like crying anyway.

This way at least you have a better chance of enjoying your day!

P.S. When ignoring you and insulting you fails to work, you can probably look forward to the charm tactic, complete with boyish sheepishness, sappy dialogue, and bad song lyrics.

Actions, not words. Talk is cheap.

Kata

Ariesagain, thanks for the heads up. He's very good with the charm tactics. I'll keep that front and center in my thoughts!