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Old 03-18-2016, 10:49 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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ok this is going to be ME sounding like i know what's going on with you.....so there's that.

you seem to be a highly reactive state right now....going back to the "friend" and the child neglect. i am not saying how you handled that was wrong by the way, but you were VERY emotional in the aftermath.

then douchebag EX pulls his crap. well, pulls MORE crap, because "making more crazy" is his resting state. and so there's drama everywhere you turn.......

and where there ISN'T drama, you are subconsciously creating it. because that has been your NORMAL for years. YEARS. and it feeds off itself, and almost has a life and mind of it's own.

you NEED a break. a people break. a drama break. a "leave me the F alone, nobody is home!" break. an "NMP - Not MY Problem" break.

i agree with Lexie, whether or not New Man was out of line, what matters is how YOU reacted. that is where you start, that is what you work with.

if you can't get yourself to a beach in Hawaii and get on "Island Time" you can certainly create a "stay-cation" of sorts. unplug, let your hair down. CHILLAX as they say.

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Old 03-18-2016, 11:08 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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I'm doing a stay-cation over my Spring Break at the moment.
It's lovely.
I'm doing all sorts of nasty clean-up work on the farm and loving it.
I don't have to talk to anyone but my animal friends and my husband
and I encourage him to visit friends, stay on the phone, whatever as much
as possible to have quiet time.
I'm going outside every night to watch the stars come out and hear the peepers and night sounds.

Just silence and non-interactive time is critical to my well-being.
Anvil is right you need that time too--maybe get up early before the kids,
some hot bubble baths, etc. if you can't get more time in a block.
It really helps WTBH
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Old 03-18-2016, 11:30 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by AnvilheadII View Post
ok this is going to be ME sounding like i know what's going on with you.....so there's that.
It is welcome here! You all know me/this world etc... And I know that Im NOT seeing things clearly right now and am totally coming off of a LOT of drama in recent weeks...

you seem to be a highly reactive state right now....going back to the "friend" and the child neglect. i am not saying how you handled that was wrong by the way, but you were VERY emotional in the aftermath.
I was definitely very reactive-- still am-- you're spot on! This has been a chaotic 2+ weeks... And in the midst of it there's been a pretty MASSIVE medical scare with my older DD that is still on going and it's taking all I have in me to not meltdown daily with worry as we wait on some biopsy results.

then douchebag EX pulls his crap. well, pulls MORE crap, because "making more crazy" is his resting state. and so there's drama everywhere you turn.......
yup-- and I react (even if only internally) to it which is terrible and I need to get a handle on that but it's what makes me think maybe there's something to this PTSD idea bc I think maybe I can't totally control how anxious I get-- even a text from xAH that isn't super douchey, makes me afraid...

and where there ISN'T drama, you are subconsciously creating it. because that has been your NORMAL for years. YEARS. and it feeds off itself, and almost has a life and mind of it's own.

you NEED a break. a people break. a drama break. a "leave me the F alone, nobody is home!" break. an "NMP - Not MY Problem" break.
Yes, I do... desperately

i agree with Lexie, whether or not New Man was out of line, what matters is how YOU reacted. that is where you start, that is what you work with.
Yup... I mean my reaction outwardly was "I think you should go- I need time alone- this is too much right now" but internally this is all, collectively way way way too much....

if you can't get yourself to a beach in Hawaii and get on "Island Time" you can certainly create a "stay-cation" of sorts. unplug, let your hair down. CHILLAX as they say.
I do very much need to do that... This weekend doesn't look to be a chillax time as I have to take the kids to their day long musical performance a thon thing Sat and Sun is the first communion retreat for little DD which parents (me) have to attend too....

But where I can eek out a few minutes of calm for me, I am going to do that....

I think that my reaction last night was a lot more about the collective whole of what's been on my plate, than anything new man said or did...

I also spent all day yesterday at a local medical center with DD while she had umpteen tests done and it took a toll... Seeing new man last night was a definite mistake on a whole lot of levels.

I need a break from the world for sure.
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Old 03-18-2016, 09:52 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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I can't say "red flags" or not. I sometimes think that we need to look at our own location and talking there, and I think sometimes we also need to look at our own reactions. I'm also going to say that if things like this make you feel uncomfortable, then that is OK, you are uncomfortable.

I think you are doing really well, in owning your own feelings.

Feelings, Perceptions, Facts. Who really knows what that means????

C-PTSD, anxiety, panic attacks????

I remember when I left my ex, and sometimes still to this day, I will and would freak out when my friends would ask me where I wanted to go out to eat.

It was always the first thing that hit me was, are they trying to trick me? Do they want me to make the wrong decision? If I say pizza is good, are they going to yell at me and tell me that they went out for pizza that day.

My other big trigger was.........

What would you like to watch on TV tonight? Wow, simple question, simple answer, it made me want to run to my room to vomit. It was like, why would they do that to me, can't you just put something on the TV and leave me alone, I'll watch anything, anything at all. Just leave me alone, don't ask me any questions anymore.

I did explain to my friends why stupid things like that made me freak out. They understood. Now we just joke about it. They ask me when I'm freaking out if I am hearing his voice, and that he is not there, they are there.

I was diagnosed with C-PTSD, anxiety, and panic attacks. That was 8 years ago. I still get like that a little.

I think sometimes, it's hard to know the difference. I also will never say that if I feel there are "red flags", that those "red flags" aren't real. They may, or they may not be there. I think sometimes that if you are still feeling triggered, that it may not be the right time to be dating, but then again, it may be.

I think what I am trying to say is that we need to distinguish between, feelings, perceptions and triggers.

((((hugs)))))
amy
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