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Can I/Should I do anything about this?

Old 03-17-2016, 12:23 PM
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Can I/Should I do anything about this?

My xAH is IRATE that I have notified the court of his refusal to produce the required documents within the JUDGES ordered timeframe since our divorce was final.

So, he's retaliating and using the kids as pawns.

He has informed me, in writing, that he will be exercising his overnight this coming weekend, but rather than pay to stay locally, he is dragging them 3 hours via car at 5 pm Sat to his mommy's house and will be waking them at 4 am Sun am to return to meet me per the parenting plan to show he is sober.

He has NO problem harming the kids, depriving them of sleep etc... and has told me that he will do this EVERY week from now on for as long as I "insist" on adhering to the breathalyzer conditions of the parenting plan.

Clearly I am NOT negotiating on the kids safety and the breathalyzer stipulation requires he be local and show up at the police station to demonstrate sobriety early in the morning after an overnight.

So, I am totally PANICKING about his intention to torment our kids with this ludicrous plan of his.

They are both EXHAUSTED on weekends due to the busy weeks they have with school and sports and activities and this is outright neglect in my estimation for him to do this to them.

Does anyone have any advice?

I am not communicating with him at all about this as I know he wants that. But internally I am a mess. I have given the kids a heads up per the advice of their therapist so that they know this will be happening-- (I was very matter of fact about it) and my older DD has said she refuses to go.

I do not know what to do at all. His level of total insanity and hurting the kids to retaliate for my holding HIM accountable is too much to take right now.
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Old 03-17-2016, 12:27 PM
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He's trying to bait you. He's blowing up BIG & SCARY because he still fails to see that he CANNOT BULLY YOU ANY LONGER.

"OK, if that's what you feel like you have to do. I'll see you on Saturday."

No way he follows through with this, week after week after week. No way. I'm not a gambler, but I'd put big money on this. His follow-through history is about 0%, isn't it?
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Old 03-17-2016, 12:39 PM
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I agree with FS. Maybe this will go on for 2-3 weeks. Keep your cool. He will back off this in pretty short order, I'm guessing. If it continues past a few weeks, then the only step I think you can legally take would be to file a motion with the court to prohibit this as harmful to the kids. It would probably involve a modification to your parenting agreement.
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Old 03-17-2016, 12:39 PM
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What FS said times a million. What an absolute waste-he goes in the worst parent of the year category. Seriously, how embarrassing for him-running to mommy to get back at you-poor little him! Ugh. Kind of makes my stomach upset.
Friend-he's a bully. And his words are so scary and loud but as FS said, his history of following through is a whopping goose egg. Just carry on and document.

Peace and hugs to you!
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Old 03-17-2016, 12:42 PM
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first reply went poof.....

so i'll keep it short. you are reacting to his WORDS....that is all they are, WORDS.....he has yet to put any of them into ACTION. so you take it week by week. THIS week. you told the kids, they are prepared. they may lose sleep, but they'll survive. you have them ready to go at the appropriate time.

don't freak out. he isn't taking them on a cross country robbery spree. don't blink, don't waiver, ACT as if his puny little threats mean nothing to you. do not even acknowledge. be chill like ice.
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Old 03-17-2016, 12:44 PM
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I'll be surprised if he does it more than twice. Once is more likely.
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Old 03-17-2016, 12:49 PM
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So that means he would have to get himself up at what, 3:30 a.m. on a Sunday after driving three hours one way the night before? Plus stay sober that entire time?

I don't see this happening in any known universe. Besides, wouldn't his mommy have a few things to say about having her grandkids dragged out of bed like this?

What a piece of work. Sending you a big hug.
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Old 03-17-2016, 12:57 PM
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What a turkey. (I totally used a different word in my head.) I'm picturing a little kid stomping their foot, hands on hips, yelling "FINE!" and sticking out their tongue.

Well.... Since there's nothing you can do to change his twisted little pout (I'd agree that removing the breathalyzer is a no-go), you could look at it as a chance for the kids to get up to an additional 6 hours of sleep. Yes, it'll suck getting up that early on Sunday, but the kiddos can go back to sleep once they're on the road. (He doesn't get that option - and I'm sure that'll get old.) The commute we used to do everyday was about 2 hours each way through most of the school year. DS slept the whole way in and the whole way out. He'd either carry out one of our pillows or one of his soft smooshy stuffed animals, so he could comfortably lean and sleep. Your kids may not be able to sleep the first trip, but once it's more routine (if it ever happens enough to BE routine), it'd be a nice little nap time.

Big hugs!
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Old 03-17-2016, 01:03 PM
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WTH.....good that you are not communicating with him on this, right now....as seeing that he is getting to you will only serve to encourage him......
As with all narcissists/crazy......the love to see you sweat.....

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Old 03-17-2016, 02:00 PM
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All good reads on the situation and excellent advice.
He won't follow through more than once, if that, especially
if he can't get a rise out of you.

Play it cool as others have said.
He's not going to follow through, or follow through for long.
He'd actually have to stay sober for weekends--doubt it
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Old 03-17-2016, 03:08 PM
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I think the above advice is great. Act like it's no big deal--this is a tactic strictly to aggravate you and if you don't bite he'll abandon it in short order. It's a shame that it is inconvenient for the kids, but as noted, they can sleep in the car. I used to go on four-day family car trips when I was a kid, and I did a LOT of snoozing.

Hugs,
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Old 03-17-2016, 05:23 PM
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And I can't tell you enough how much incredible satisfaction you'll have if you manage to "chill like ice" and act like you don't care at all. You'll feel so good after it plays out!!!
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Old 03-18-2016, 07:34 AM
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Based upon what I have read. The breathalyzer stipulation requires he be local..but hes driving hours away? If he has to be local than I would say no to this and youd be completely within your rights.
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