Blogs


Notices

More to be revealed

Old 03-14-2016, 05:02 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
wanttobehealthy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
More to be revealed

I used to HATE hearing that line.... to me it meant "you can't predict or control the future, so sit back and let be what will be and see what comes..." And for a control freak, codie like me who felt that life was safe and calm ONLY if I could predict and control outcomes, the more will be revealed thing really annoyed me... (Im poking total fun at myself here lest anyone not get that!)

Anyway, in the last number of months I have really tried, hard, with help (therapy) to embrace this notion in my day to day life. Worry about work, my kids, friends etc... I have tried to approach with a "more will be revealed" and living in the moment rather than being paralyzed with panic constantly about the future...

Long story short, the breakdown of my friendship a few weeks ago with a woman who was like a sister and who was my best friend through every stage of the last 4 years with my xAH, was something I expected would leave a GAPING hole in my life. We talked dozens of times a day, I spent every free moment of my day interacting with her in some way a lot of days and I thought that I would be a LOT more upset about this loss than I am...

Instead, I have found that I have a lot of free time that I didn't realize I was missing. I am realizing that I was growing resentful (though I did not realize it then) of how often she wanted to talk and complain and how negative our interactions were... I was not spending enough time with other friends, I was consumed with her drama and trying to help "fix" her crises (all having to do with her abusive alcoholic boyfriend whom she claimed wasn't a "real" abuser or alcoholic).

So, because of how toxically the friendship ended, Ive gone no contact at all with her and that is how it will stay because I need that for my well being....

And what has been "revealed" is that I have a lot of friends, interests and connections that I've put effort into re-birthing so to speak and am SO much happier for it!

If someone had told me that the loss of a close, long term friend would actually make me HAPPIER, I would have told them they were insane. But that's precisely what has happened...

So I guess I just wanted to share this bc I think this maybe is a case in point that "more will be revealed" is really a pretty fabulous thing.

When things went south with this friend I did not try to explain, justify, rationalize etc... I said what I needed to, I acted in a way to ensure her kids safety, and I knew I would be hated for it and I did it anyway. And then I accepted the end of that friendship and did not let it consume me.

If this had been a few years ago I would be obsessing over it, perseverating over what I could have done differently, and being sad about what was lost...

Instead, I am glad for the time we were friends, I do feel twinges of sadness when I realize that's gone but it's a passing thing and I am purposefully making plans with others in my life whom Ive ignored and not had time for while I was codie-consumed with trying to fix this other friends life....

So, it's nice to see growth in myself and it's nice to be able to share it because lord knows I never thought I would be someone who could calmly deal with things like this and be ok...
wanttobehealthy is offline  
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to wanttobehealthy For This Useful Post:
atalose (03-15-2016), firebolt (03-15-2016), FireSprite (03-14-2016), hopeful4 (03-15-2016), Liveitwell (03-14-2016), redatlanta (03-14-2016), schnappi99 (03-14-2016), suki44883 (03-14-2016), theuncertainty (03-14-2016)
Old 03-14-2016, 05:15 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
RIP Sweet Suki
 
suki44883's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 32,122
I remember when you first came here and I was most certainly one of the ones who said things you did not want to hear at that time. I have a hard time softening my words sometimes, and even when I try, I still sometimes come off harsh. I apologize for that, but I cannot tell you how much you have grown over the past couple of years! I am so proud of you and so happy that your life is so much better now.

Of course, you still have to deal with your ex for awhile, but you have grown in areas that, I believe, will keep you from feeling helpless and have empowered you. You are an inspiration. (((HUGS)))
suki44883 is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to suki44883 For This Useful Post:
FireSprite (03-14-2016), wanttobehealthy (03-14-2016)
Old 03-14-2016, 05:25 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
wanttobehealthy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
Originally Posted by suki44883 View Post
I remember when you first came here and I was most certainly one of the ones who said things you did not want to hear at that time. I have a hard time softening my words sometimes, and even when I try, I still sometimes come off harsh. I apologize for that, but I cannot tell you how much you have grown over the past couple of years! I am so proud of you and so happy that your life is so much better now.

Of course, you still have to deal with your ex for awhile, but you have grown in areas that, I believe, will keep you from feeling helpless and have empowered you. You are an inspiration. (((HUGS)))
I was a MASSIVE pain in the arse to you and several others who were, blunt, direct, honest and PRECISELY what I needed to hear even if I did not want to hear it...

If I'd been coddled and told my choices were ok, I would not have gotten my act together and my kids would be more of a mess than they are anyway due to my staying too long.

Suki, I have actually described you to friends in my non virtual world (and Anvil too) as being the kick in the pants that I needed but hated to need...

I can't imagine I was someone who you wanted to deal with in any way many many times and I truly am grateful for your tolerance of my ridiculous stubborn/codie-ness because hearing the tough stuff was ultimately what got through to me...

And you know what? Ironically, I am now the person who tends to **** off those around me who don't want to hear the blunt truth... My one time best friend is someone who adored me for as long as I coddled and enabled her bad choices and over the last year Ive thought of you and how direct you were with me and how I reacted to you and realized that the venom I was getting from my then friend as I was being blunt with her was really karma

Long winded way of telling you thank you! I have a long way to go, but I feel like Ive made it through the worst and truly you're someone who helped me more than you'll ever know even if I was a jerk for not appreciating you at the time!
wanttobehealthy is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to wanttobehealthy For This Useful Post:
firebolt (03-15-2016), FireSprite (03-14-2016), hopeful4 (03-15-2016), Liveitwell (03-14-2016), suki44883 (03-14-2016)
Old 03-14-2016, 05:26 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,872
Good for you, WTBH. I feel that way, too. Sometimes we are so blind to the life out there and others that are much healthier for us. You are doing great, my friend!!!! Hugs and peace to you
Isn't life so much better when we DONT try to control the outcome?! God gives us exactly what we need-not what we wabt. He knows best!!
Liveitwell is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Liveitwell For This Useful Post:
FireSprite (03-14-2016), suki44883 (03-14-2016), wanttobehealthy (03-14-2016)
Old 03-14-2016, 05:30 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
RIP Sweet Suki
 
suki44883's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 32,122
Yeah, Anvil is my hero. If I ever think I'm too blunt, I just read some of her stuff. But seriously, we all move at our own pace, and even though we may not choose to act as quickly as some people might like, that doesn't mean we don't hear what they are saying and it does tend to stick in the back of our minds. We just bring it forward and act on it in our own time. At least we know that it is possible for things to get better, but we have to make those choices when we are ready. Again, I am so happy for you.
suki44883 is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to suki44883 For This Useful Post:
firebolt (03-15-2016), FireSprite (03-14-2016), Liveitwell (03-14-2016), wanttobehealthy (03-14-2016)
Old 03-14-2016, 05:40 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
wanttobehealthy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
Originally Posted by suki44883 View Post
Yeah, Anvil is my hero. If I ever think I'm too blunt, I just read some of her stuff. But seriously, we all move at our own pace, and even though we may not choose to act as quickly as some people might like, that doesn't mean we don't hear what they are saying and it does tend to stick in the back of our minds. We just bring it forward and act on it in our own time. At least we know that it is possible for things to get better, but we have to make those choices when we are ready. Again, I am so happy for you.
You are being very gracious. I would be in full agreement with you if you stated "WTBH you were a tremendous pain in the butt for a GOOD long time" lol!
wanttobehealthy is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to wanttobehealthy For This Useful Post:
Liveitwell (03-14-2016), suki44883 (03-15-2016)
Old 03-14-2016, 06:16 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,872
Ain't that the truth!! Anvil just says it-what needs to be said with no sugar coating. I always look forward to Anvil and Refiners eloquent responses
Liveitwell is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Liveitwell For This Useful Post:
suki44883 (03-15-2016), wanttobehealthy (03-14-2016)
Old 03-15-2016, 06:38 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Community Greeter
 
hopeful4's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,566
Blog Entries: 10
Oh do I get it. There was a lady at CR who usto say "More will be revealed," ALL THE TIME! To everyone. It drove me nuts at first for the same reason. I am a control freak (good thing I was at CR as well LOL), and I wanted answers....NOW.

It's quite an eye opener to look back at who we were isn't it? I know it sure is for me. Stuff it, fix it, control it, no matter the problem I thought I had to fix it, for me, and everyone else around me. It makes me tired just thinking about it!

Thank you friends for all you have done to help me change over time.
hopeful4 is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to hopeful4 For This Useful Post:
Liveitwell (03-15-2016), suki44883 (03-15-2016), wanttobehealthy (03-15-2016)

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:01 PM.