OT- nice news....
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
OT- nice news....
I have quietly been on a handful of dates - well, more than a handful now but.. with someone who lives very close by me but prior to a few months ago we never had crossed paths and it has been and continues to be absolutely lovely.
He's witty, smart, wants to move things at a pace I am comfortable with, has kids in college and is super involved in their lives and understands that my free time is limited due to my involvement with my own kids and my full time single mom status. He's not rushing things or imposing-- he is intelligent and kind and keeps me laughing and makes me think and intellectual stimulation as much as physical attraction is a "thing" for me
Our dates have involved closing down restaurants because we have just talked and talked and talked and laughed for hours and hours.... I'm not an easy person to date, I think-- I have to plan well in advance bc of sitter needs, I am easily annoyed by posturing and BS that tends to go on early in dating, I pay attention to red flag warning signs and don't really let things linger if I start to feel there's something amiss-- Maybe this all makes me obnoxious and Im ok with that... I am VERY happy being alone so I have felt for sometime that someone would have to really be adding something to my life (and I did not necessarily think that would exist) to make it worth my time to "fit" someone in...
And much to my surprise and TOTALLY when I could not have been further from looking to meet someone- I did. And he's real and I like that. He's not "too good to be true" bc he's real-- we have real talks, he tells me what he thinks and is honest and I do the same. It's mature and calm and feels weird but good to be really happy being with someone without feeling the hyper infatuation that I have in the past attributed to being necessary for a relationship to feel right.
Granted its only been a few months but this is such a nice feeling to have. I am completely me with him and I think the same is true of him with me. There are no games, no angst, no drama, no addiction red flags... He knows, as does everyone in my town, some of the history with my xAH and has offered very compassionately, to not involve alcohol on dates if that's at all upsetting to me given xAH's very publicly known drinking problem. It sounds silly maybe, but a man who is happy to have my company and who can take or leave alcohol while we spend hours and hours hanging out together, is in my experience, pretty rare.
I had a busy weekend with my kids and saw him for maybe an hour last night but he was happy for me for having a great weekend with my girls and genuinely wanted to know about DD's bday and was happy for me that I was celebrating her... that's just such a nice thing I think...
So... just wanted to share...
I've always gone running to the drama filled, brooding, gives me butterflies for all the wrong reasons types and I have taken a LONG break from it all bc I needed to get my head together and focus on me....
I was not looking to meet someone at all when I met him and I was ambivalent about even going on date 1... But after that date I realized that maybe this is part of the "more will be revealed stuff"....
Just wanted to share
He's witty, smart, wants to move things at a pace I am comfortable with, has kids in college and is super involved in their lives and understands that my free time is limited due to my involvement with my own kids and my full time single mom status. He's not rushing things or imposing-- he is intelligent and kind and keeps me laughing and makes me think and intellectual stimulation as much as physical attraction is a "thing" for me
Our dates have involved closing down restaurants because we have just talked and talked and talked and laughed for hours and hours.... I'm not an easy person to date, I think-- I have to plan well in advance bc of sitter needs, I am easily annoyed by posturing and BS that tends to go on early in dating, I pay attention to red flag warning signs and don't really let things linger if I start to feel there's something amiss-- Maybe this all makes me obnoxious and Im ok with that... I am VERY happy being alone so I have felt for sometime that someone would have to really be adding something to my life (and I did not necessarily think that would exist) to make it worth my time to "fit" someone in...
And much to my surprise and TOTALLY when I could not have been further from looking to meet someone- I did. And he's real and I like that. He's not "too good to be true" bc he's real-- we have real talks, he tells me what he thinks and is honest and I do the same. It's mature and calm and feels weird but good to be really happy being with someone without feeling the hyper infatuation that I have in the past attributed to being necessary for a relationship to feel right.
Granted its only been a few months but this is such a nice feeling to have. I am completely me with him and I think the same is true of him with me. There are no games, no angst, no drama, no addiction red flags... He knows, as does everyone in my town, some of the history with my xAH and has offered very compassionately, to not involve alcohol on dates if that's at all upsetting to me given xAH's very publicly known drinking problem. It sounds silly maybe, but a man who is happy to have my company and who can take or leave alcohol while we spend hours and hours hanging out together, is in my experience, pretty rare.
I had a busy weekend with my kids and saw him for maybe an hour last night but he was happy for me for having a great weekend with my girls and genuinely wanted to know about DD's bday and was happy for me that I was celebrating her... that's just such a nice thing I think...
So... just wanted to share...
I've always gone running to the drama filled, brooding, gives me butterflies for all the wrong reasons types and I have taken a LONG break from it all bc I needed to get my head together and focus on me....
I was not looking to meet someone at all when I met him and I was ambivalent about even going on date 1... But after that date I realized that maybe this is part of the "more will be revealed stuff"....
Just wanted to share
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
That makes me so happy to hear, and I'm glad you shared it.
During the last few years of my alcoholic marriage, I swore off men for good - I figured the risks far outweighed the advantages with a relationship; I'd stick with friends and leave romantic relationships alone.
I thought I was "damaged goods" not in the way that nobody would want me, but that I would continue falling for the wrong guy, that my codependency would not allow anything else.
I ended up marrying one of my oldest friends. Who thought you could have romantic love without the drama, huh?
You if anyone deserves a person in your life who respects you and brings you joy. I am so very happy for you!!!
During the last few years of my alcoholic marriage, I swore off men for good - I figured the risks far outweighed the advantages with a relationship; I'd stick with friends and leave romantic relationships alone.
I thought I was "damaged goods" not in the way that nobody would want me, but that I would continue falling for the wrong guy, that my codependency would not allow anything else.
I ended up marrying one of my oldest friends. Who thought you could have romantic love without the drama, huh?
You if anyone deserves a person in your life who respects you and brings you joy. I am so very happy for you!!!
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,894
This is wonderful news...so glad you shared. You definitely deserve an adult relationship with someone who doesn't bring drama. I'm glad he is taking things at a pace you are comfortable with, too. I'm very happy for you. (((HUGS)))
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
Originally Posted by lillamy 
That makes me so happy to hear, and I'm glad you shared it.
During the last few years of my alcoholic marriage, I swore off men for good - I figured the risks far outweighed the advantages with a relationship; I'd stick with friends and leave romantic relationships alone.
I thought I was "damaged goods" not in the way that nobody would want me, but that I would continue falling for the wrong guy, that my codependency would not allow anything else.
I ended up marrying one of my oldest friends. Who thought you could have romantic love without the drama, huh?
You if anyone deserves a person in your life who respects you and brings you joy. I am so very happy for you!!!
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