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OT- nice news....

Old 03-14-2016, 09:36 AM
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OT- nice news....

I have quietly been on a handful of dates - well, more than a handful now but.. with someone who lives very close by me but prior to a few months ago we never had crossed paths and it has been and continues to be absolutely lovely.

He's witty, smart, wants to move things at a pace I am comfortable with, has kids in college and is super involved in their lives and understands that my free time is limited due to my involvement with my own kids and my full time single mom status. He's not rushing things or imposing-- he is intelligent and kind and keeps me laughing and makes me think and intellectual stimulation as much as physical attraction is a "thing" for me

Our dates have involved closing down restaurants because we have just talked and talked and talked and laughed for hours and hours.... I'm not an easy person to date, I think-- I have to plan well in advance bc of sitter needs, I am easily annoyed by posturing and BS that tends to go on early in dating, I pay attention to red flag warning signs and don't really let things linger if I start to feel there's something amiss-- Maybe this all makes me obnoxious and Im ok with that... I am VERY happy being alone so I have felt for sometime that someone would have to really be adding something to my life (and I did not necessarily think that would exist) to make it worth my time to "fit" someone in...

And much to my surprise and TOTALLY when I could not have been further from looking to meet someone- I did. And he's real and I like that. He's not "too good to be true" bc he's real-- we have real talks, he tells me what he thinks and is honest and I do the same. It's mature and calm and feels weird but good to be really happy being with someone without feeling the hyper infatuation that I have in the past attributed to being necessary for a relationship to feel right.

Granted its only been a few months but this is such a nice feeling to have. I am completely me with him and I think the same is true of him with me. There are no games, no angst, no drama, no addiction red flags... He knows, as does everyone in my town, some of the history with my xAH and has offered very compassionately, to not involve alcohol on dates if that's at all upsetting to me given xAH's very publicly known drinking problem. It sounds silly maybe, but a man who is happy to have my company and who can take or leave alcohol while we spend hours and hours hanging out together, is in my experience, pretty rare.

I had a busy weekend with my kids and saw him for maybe an hour last night but he was happy for me for having a great weekend with my girls and genuinely wanted to know about DD's bday and was happy for me that I was celebrating her... that's just such a nice thing I think...

So... just wanted to share...

I've always gone running to the drama filled, brooding, gives me butterflies for all the wrong reasons types and I have taken a LONG break from it all bc I needed to get my head together and focus on me....

I was not looking to meet someone at all when I met him and I was ambivalent about even going on date 1... But after that date I realized that maybe this is part of the "more will be revealed stuff"....

Just wanted to share
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Old 03-14-2016, 09:45 AM
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Love this, friend! Very happy for you
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Old 03-14-2016, 10:18 AM
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Ahhhh that's nice! I'm very happy for you!
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Old 03-14-2016, 10:31 AM
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I'm very happy for you.
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Old 03-14-2016, 11:04 AM
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WTH.....I think it is normal to enjoy adult companionship.....especially, nice adult companionship.......

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Old 03-14-2016, 12:01 PM
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Yay! So happy for you Especially great to meet someone great, when you feel good about YOU.
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Old 03-14-2016, 01:40 PM
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That makes me so happy to hear, and I'm glad you shared it.

During the last few years of my alcoholic marriage, I swore off men for good - I figured the risks far outweighed the advantages with a relationship; I'd stick with friends and leave romantic relationships alone.

I thought I was "damaged goods" not in the way that nobody would want me, but that I would continue falling for the wrong guy, that my codependency would not allow anything else.

I ended up marrying one of my oldest friends. Who thought you could have romantic love without the drama, huh?

You if anyone deserves a person in your life who respects you and brings you joy. I am so very happy for you!!!
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Old 03-14-2016, 03:49 PM
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Great, happy news! Thanks for sharing it!
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Old 03-14-2016, 04:07 PM
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This is wonderful news...so glad you shared. You definitely deserve an adult relationship with someone who doesn't bring drama. I'm glad he is taking things at a pace you are comfortable with, too. I'm very happy for you. (((HUGS)))
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Old 03-14-2016, 04:49 PM
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Originally Posted by lillamy View Post
That makes me so happy to hear, and I'm glad you shared it.
During the last few years of my alcoholic marriage, I swore off men for good - I figured the risks far outweighed the advantages with a relationship; I'd stick with friends and leave romantic relationships alone.
Me too!

I thought I was "damaged goods" not in the way that nobody would want me, but that I would continue falling for the wrong guy, that my codependency would not allow anything else.
Yup! And in the limited amount I have dated over the last few years, I've done just that... So at the end of the summer I decided I was DONE. I truly was good just hanging w the kids, and wanted to just stick with what I knew, which was me and my kids and really saw no reason or benefit to involve anyone else in my life... But sometimes life throws a good curveball and who knows what will come of this with this fellow but if nothing else, it is LOVELY to have a low key, drama free, enjoyable adult with whom I love spending time.... And Im still equally happy spending time just myself with my kids or myself alone... He adds a nice plus to an already good life and that is just nice

I ended up marrying one of my oldest friends. Who thought you could have romantic love without the drama, huh?
Lol! Who knew?!

You if anyone deserves a person in your life who respects you and brings you joy. I am so very happy for you!!!
<3 Thank you!!!!!
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